The narcissist is great at telling everyone that you’re the problem. Think about it; it’s so easy for them to just point and yell at you, when really all they’re doing is hiding their own faults and toxicity.
They’re unstable and difficult, yet to the world, that will be you who is labelled incorrectly.
Everything went wrong because of you!
People believe the narcissist, after all, they’ll hardly consider a lie to be the problem.
Except, here you are to finally prove them wrong.
1 Watch the shift
When the time comes where you realize you were not the problem, it will feel like a major emotional and power shift. That’s what the truth does, after all, especially when that truth means you are finally the official innocent person in all of this.
The truth doesn’t have to be loud, and this is one of those occasions. It makes itself known to everyone, and that is the kind of truth that will collapse any narcissist’s story of you over the years. They’ll have worked hard to ensure you’re the evil one, when all it takes is one moment of truth to show the world what a lie it all was.
The story that you’re the villain can’t work any more. All those times they told people, “You have no idea what I’ve been through” will become redundant now.
People’s eyes will open, and they will see you, and the narcissist, for the real people you are.
One innocent. One guilty.
2 The narcissist wrote you off as the bad guy, but…
That’s a story with some holes in it, and we all know that!
You were never the bad guy, and I hate that anybody would go through life feeling that way at all.
When the narcissist was busying themselves making you look like the bad guy, you’re forgetting one thing that was going on.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HousePeople were paying attention. Not everybody, but a huge portion of those on that receiving end were calculating what the narcissist was attempting to do. As they watch, they learn that the narcissist has a lot to say, and eventually that means they exchange notes. Those little things that they hear come to a head when they’re telling someone else about it who can relate, or who knows what you’re talking about.
There will come a time, as there always does, where someone ends up saying something out loud.
Sometimes people can see something they weren’t supposed to see, or perhaps the narcissist slipped up saying something they shouldn’t have in front of someone else.
It’s at that point your story or side of things doesn’t seem as crazy as the narcissist tried to paint you to be.
Right there is the moment you know you’re not the foolish one, and the moment where you end up seeing the narcissist as the fool.
It’s a satisfying time, I’ll give you that. The narcissist has spent so much time trying to curate this story that you simply don’t match up to. It’s their own actions that mean they end up looking the fool because they’ve simply not been able to keep up with their own story about themselves.
That polished image they’ve tried to perfect only works until a certain point, right? After that, the narcissist is on their own with themselves, and they have to keep it up with everyone they encounter.
That’s easier said than done, and in this instance; downright impossible.
3 To be publicly embarrassed? That’s got to hurt!
Public embarrassment is the worst nightmare of any narcissist. For them, this is worse than anyone ignoring them, or being rejected, too. Public embarrassment means people are watching, and that isn’t the kind of audience a narcissist is after.
To be in this kind of position means the narcissist gets a taste, finally, of what it feels like to be criticized, mocked and shamed. They made you feel like you were hard to love, or that you weren’t reliable, or far too dramatic. They acted as though they were exhausted by you, and that they were some kind of holier-than-thou partner who was patiently waiting for you to show up how they wanted.
To be publicly embarrassed means to have all of that and more shoved back in their faces. They literally don’t know what to do, as they feel the heat of the room staring back at them for all the wrong reasons. They are no longer credible, or possibly even likeable to some people, and now they notice people starting to go quiet.
Soon enough, communication slows down, people stop talking or inviting the narcissist places, and it all stems from being embarrassed, called out, exposed; any situation where that truth spills out and they’re unable to control it.
I would say being embarrassed was the tip of the narcissist’s iceberg.
4 The narcissist will do this next
Narcissists don’t really have a choice in these moments other than to double down. What else is there for their fragile ego to start to cope with? They don’t want to admit any wrongdoing, and so they reach a point where they say:
They are turning everyone against me! They know I’m hurting. This is what they do. I’ve been trying to tell you all these years.
Victim mode will be hit and played over and over, because it’s their fail safe. And all they need really is a few people who can believe and validate them, and they’ve got themselves somewhat of an army. They need people who can cling to the original story and stand by them, and that will give them enough supply to keep going.
This is where the narcissist is able to keep your name alive. Whenever things don’t go right, or if they want to have a down day where they are the victim, your name is the one they can drag up. Very quickly, you’ll go from making them look foolish to being the bad guy, as it’s the only thing the narcissist can do in these dynamics.
If the focus stays on you, then anything they do wrong will be pushed aside and swept under the carpet.
Sounds like this is a person who has everything to hide, doesn’t it? I know for me, this is when I know I’m dealing with a toxic person.
5 And you don’t have to mutter a single word
I don’t think it’s talked about enough that you don’t have to respond to any of this. You don’t need to set up your own campaign, or speak to defend yourself every minute of the day. Why? What are you trying to sell? People who know you well enough know the truth, and your reputation shouldn’t be something that you fight tooth and nail for.
The truth showed up, and it highlighted the fact that the narcissist isn’t a good person. They did that all by themselves, and so if anyone is to blame for making them look foolish, it’s them.
So for all this time you were told you were difficult, or dramatic, or the one with the attitude; the narcissist was wrong. The narcissist ended up being embarrassed because they thought they could outrun the truth forever, but eventually like any liar, it will catch up with them in the end.
