Imagine you've been with a narcissist for five years, and you cannot recall, in any of that time, a moment where you didn't feel as though you were being pushed to your breaking point.
You've kept quiet, trying to keep the frustration and injustice under wraps because you don't want to cause a scene, and one day, you can't take any more.
You speak up, and suddenly, you're made to feel as though you're the problem.
The narcissist is very clever at blaming outwardly, and I want to talk about how they do it best.
1Pushing you: what that looks like
You probably know what it feels like to feel goaded by a narcissist.
They can take the most simple of things and push them toward you. They do it while watching the look on your face as it goes from unbothered to trying to hold back the desire to yell and scream.
Comments come thick and fast. The narcissist wants to see how many you'll hold onto before you buckle under the emotional weight of them.
Jibes come, too. You're too this, you're not enough that. You're not intelligent. You can't cook. Your hobbies are trash.
The narcissist keeps going, knowing that any moment, you're going to take the bait and release your emotions.
Your reaction is what they are looking for, and they know it's in there somewhere.
The more you're pushed for it, the more likely it'll appear and when it does, they've got you right where they want you.
2When you reach breaking point, everything changes
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The breaking point comes, and you know you don't have much control over it because you feel as though you're drowning in their toxicity.
You have to pull yourself to safety, and so you react.
You shout.
"I'm trying my best!" "It didn't happen that way!" "Why do you always do this to me?!" "I can't concentrate when all you do is keep pushing me for an answer."
That's it, right there. That's the response the narcissist wanted.
At that moment, they go from pushing you and getting up in your personal space, to stepping back and looking horrified that you'd dare make a sound.
See also6 Lies Narcissists Tell Everyone About Their Partner to Make Themselves Look Good
"Wow. I was just asking." "My God. What is with you today?" "Listen to you. You're taking your stress out on me." "I don't deserve that, and you know it."
The narcissist waits for you to respond to that, and they know they've got you in that corner, with little way of escaping.
3Pretending they have no idea what you're talking about
And this is exactly why the narcissist knows what they're doing.
Once you reach your breaking point, they look at you and ask you what you even mean.
Let me just add here; they know exactly what you mean, they just want you to think they're confused, and that your rage or breakdown has come out of nowhere.
This is the wrong way to look at it, and I really want you to know that. Believe that you were pushed, because you were.
Narcissists are fantastic at gaslighting, and when they look confused at a reaction from you they've clearly created, they're going to try to convince you that you're the problem.
We are all going to react that way if we're pushed to the edge, and that's the reality.
See alsoDo These 3 Things And The Narcissist Will Suddenly Respect And Fear You
4Showing people how crazy you are
"Look!" "Do you see what I have to put up with?" "Can you believe this person?" "I told you they were crazy!"
This is what people, innocent people, have to contend with. They're made out to be the bad guy because they reached breaking point after weeks, months, even years of abuse.
Anyone's breaking point is never off the back of one occasion though, right? Anyone with half a brain would know this. It's due to a build up of so much emotional weight that you just cannot take any more, and you hit rock bottom.
But you're not supported by the narcissist. They don't apologize. They watch you. They smirk. They know they've got you to a place you're going to struggle to get out of.
5Walking into the trap
It's all set up by the very person who leads you into it.
If someone genuinely loved you, would they spend so much time and energy getting you to the point where you felt you'd lost control?
Breaking point is no joke, it hurts. It hits people hard. They feel untold stress. They don't sleep. They can't think straight. They can't eat. They can't focus.
And there the narcissist is, looking shocked that you've somehow become this person who is beside themselves.
The trap was always going to be there, but you didn't see it as it was disguised by the narcissist who wanted you to fall for each little tiny trick along the way.
You did, not because you're stupid, but because the narcissist is so clever. From the start, they'd carved out the path they wanted to walk with you, and led you astray both mentally and emotionally.
It's a psychological trap with a loop, and it feels impossible to escape.
Trust me, anything is possible.
See also5 Reasons Narcissists Blame Everyone but Themselves
6Every narcissist is reliant on your reactions
Your reactions to the narcissist are like sweets to a child. The more, the better, and that usually means they want to see a range. Even though you're blamed for having them, they push you to show each one.
Shame leads to guilt, guilt leads to suppression, suppression leads to a build up, and that build up leads to a breakdown.
The cycle is unpleasant, but narcissists know it works, and that's why they do push you.
Each reaction acts like a little source of fuel for the narcissist, and because that fuel burns out so quickly, they keep needing more and more of it from you.
That's why they take and take, and you're left almost empty from being drained of all life.
The narcissist won't care about this because they've got what they want, right?
7Boundaries!
We all need them, but if you're around a narcissist, you need them even more.
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The only way a narcissist will not get you to breaking point is if you decide for yourself that you need boundaries, and you decide what they are.
For your sake, you have to be the type of person who has limits and morals, because without them, you're letting anyone and everyone take advantage, and trust me, if there is a narcissist present, they will not hesitate to do that.
Say no. Walk away. Do not engage. Do not tolerate. Let the narcissist know there are consequences to their bad behavior, and follow through with them when things get tough for you.
If you can do those things, and I know they take work, you will notice the difference.
Breaking points with anyone shouldn't exist. With the self-awareness and limitations you put on allowing toxic people close to you, you can save yourself the hassle of being pushed to your own breaking point.
