Everybody say it with me:
Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome!
This is precisely what’s happening here; the person you met is one version, and the person everybody else knows is this angel who you only knew for the first few weeks.
Narcissistic husbands will do that to you. With personalities that are so toxic, they will pick out who gets to see that poison, and who gets to see the performance.
The worst part can come when these 8 ways are used to make you painted as the monster out of the two of you, inventing ways to get under your skin and question your sanity even more than you already do.
1They carefully carve out stories about you that paint you in a bad light, and them in a great light
“She’s so impatient. I have to really reassure myself sometimes that it’s not my fault.” “I try my best to be there for her.” “She has a history of snapping and taking her anger out on me.”
Little seeds, right? They’re scattered and dropped wherever the narcissist thinks they will grow. That way he knows these seeds will grow and create an army of people who look at you and wonder how you manage to pretend so well.
It works. People you’ve known all your life frown when they see you, or cross the street from you when they see you coming.
The stories told about you are believable; the narcissist presents them convincingly while calling out to people to see him as the victim.
“My poor sad story.”
Suddenly, their story is your reputation shredded to pieces.
2They push your buttons in private so that you lose it in public
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
What better way to make you look like a monster than pushing you to your limits behind closed doors, and sending you off out into the world?
The narcissistic husband does this well, setting you up to fall over your own fears and triggers just in time for you to vent your frustration in front of an audience.
People will look at you, and then him, wondering how he puts up with you.
They’re shocked that someone who is usually so calm can lose it like this, but if only they knew this was your one time, and you were led there in the most manipulative way.
3They save their warmest smiles and conversations for strangers, while being nothing but ice cold to you at home
You get a grumpy face. You get the moods. You get the grunts and sighs.
See also9 Everyday Ways Narcissists Hurt You Without Making It Look Like Abuse
You get the rolling eyes, and the tuts. You’re treated like you can’t do anything right, but outside your house, where other people are involved?
That’s a totally different story.
He’s quick to make jokes, ask how people are, offer to help the elderly lady across the street; you name it.
You look on in amazement. Who is this person? Why is everyone looking at them and falling for their charm?
The same way you did; knowing no better. You see someone is a good person, you believe him to be that way all the time.
4They make jokes at your expense and accuse you of having no sense of humor
“Look at the mess you make, it’s like you’re back in preschool!” “That dress looks like a night shirt.” “You’re so funny when you’re confused.”
The jokes come thick and fast, and you wonder why the narcissistic husband is the only person laughing? Because he finds it funny that he’s making you feel terrible about yourself.
You don’t, because it hurts. What makes matters worse is that you’re forced to believe you’re the problem; you lack the humor, all because you felt the words sting.
See alsoTHIS is What Makes Narcissists
It’s not fair, is it? He is super polite to everyone he meets, but you? You get all the abuse.
One person, two personalities.
5They let you handle everything and hold the damage, while publicly present as the glue holding you together
You do all the behind-the-scenes stuff. You plan all the holidays, buy and label all the gifts. You cook the dinners every day.
You deal with childcare. You make sure the fridge and cupboards are full. You keep the house tidy.
You run errands. You deal with school issues.
The narcissist?
He’s working. He doesn’t care about anything other than the one thing he does, and when he comes home, he treats the place like it’s a hotel, and you’re the maid.
6They see you defending yourself and accuse you of creating the drama
Wait, are you not allowed to defend yourself?
According to your narcissistic husband, no you are not.
You’ve got a nerve if you think you can speak up about their ill treatment of you, which is quite a thing, isn’t it?
He gets to treat you how he likes, and the moment your voice enters the building, he will know you’re trying to confront him, and he hates that.
“You’re so dramatic!” “Why do you insist on making a big deal out of nothing?”
It’s the worst way to treat someone, and then make them think it’s them who is the issue.
See alsoYou Were the Problem, According to the Narcissist. Now the Truth Is Making Them Look Foolish
7They flirt with other women or offer them courtesy when it’s all you’ve been begging for
What a way to make you feel uncomfortable. You’re neglected so much. The narcissist doesn’t want you to think you’re special in any kind of way, and it’s not enough for him to see you practically beg to be noticed.
You want to go out for that meal, and spend time with someone you love who you thought loved you back.
You constantly wait for this version of him to show up, but he never does. The only place he exists is in your mind.
It’s a pain you can’t make anyone feel unless you’ve been there yourself, but it’s so hard to pull yourself away from it when you see this same man treat other women like gold in public.
The compliments, the flirting, the questions, the interest; it’s all there, while you don’t get a single fragment of that over the course of your time together.
I understand this. From all of your comments; it’s a tremendous loss for your self-esteem.
8They tell people they’re worried about you, without telling them what they’ve been doing to you
What a way to reverse the Uno card, right? Making everybody think that you’re the troubled one means everyone’s eyes are on you, and off him.
See alsoDo These 3 Things And The Narcissist Will Suddenly Respect And Fear You
He knows what he’s doing here. He knows that any bad attention on him will make people suspect, so he throws you to the wolves and leaves people wondering about your mental health and state of mind.
“I’m so worried.” “Something just feels off.”
That’s all it takes; someone to nod and agree, then keep a close eye on you watching for any cracks in your personality or happiness.
They know then to blame you for that, and not him.
He yet again gets away with everything, while you’re painted as, yep, the monster.
