You're sick or in a bit of a vulnerable situation, and let me be the first to tell you that I feel sorry for you.
Not only have you got all of that to deal with, you also have the non-pleasure of the narcissist turning their cruelty levels up several notches, and being really cruel to you.
It seems to come out of nowhere, but there is always a convenient time they choose…
…There is no accident here, and here's why.
1They love to treat your need for comfort and support as an inconvenience rather than a genuine need
"What is wrong today?" "You can't move because your back hurts? Who's going to run the kids to school?" "Can't you get it yourself?" "Wow. Room service for the flu. Whatever next."
It hits you like a ton of bricks when you already feel like something has hit you for a ton of bricks already.
Whatever is causing you to feel unwell or vulnerable, you should be able to rely on your partner to help and support you, the same way you'd offer them those things.
Unfortunately, that won't be the case with a narcissist. Your illness or request will be seen as a proper interruption to their day, and a dent to their ego.
They have to stop what they're doing and prioritize you? That seems way too harsh in their eyes!
Sadly, the more you need them, the more they will love to remind you what a pain in the ass you are.
Don't expect to feel any better or safe just because you're in need.
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2A narcissist cruelly blames you when you physically aren't strong enough to do things
"Why haven't you taken the trash out?" "You know, you always do this!" "If you think I've got time to take you to urgent care, you've got another thing coming." "Why do I have to tidy the garage? It's not exactly back-breaking stuff."
Everything is your fault, and you already feel terrible.
The narcissist won't hold back just because you're in need. They will push and push you, so that you exhaust yourself even further by carrying the blame as well as whatever else you've got going on.
A client once told me after her C-section that her husband used to make her feel guilty for not keeping the house tidy while she was recovering.
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This is a woman who was breastfeeding, looking after a newborn, recovering from major surgery, and all he could think about was how the bathroom hadn't been cleaned.
She said to me, "As much as I loved my son, it was then I realized what a mistake I'd made marrying this man."
3They withhold small acts of kindness that would make you being sick all the more bearable
"I can make you hot honey and lemon." "Do you need me to collect any medicine on the way home?" "Why don't you get an early night. I'll deal with bedtime and the dishes." "Do you want an extra blanket?"
Little things that matter, especially when you can barely put one foot in front of the other.
You feel as though you've been hit by a bus, but it's the small acts of kindness someone can make to help you.
A narcissist won't.
Don't for one second assume they will be able to do one kind thing for you, because it'll mean taking away their ego and placing it in your hands for a little while.
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A narcissist is so used to everyone revolving around them, while they enjoy every second of it.
For once, you need help. You're not asking to be waited on hand and foot.
Even that's too much to comprehend for these toxic people.
They'd rather you suffer than put their entitlement down for a little while and give you what you so badly need.
4They're irritated when other people pay you attention
The attention obviously comes from caring and concerned friends or relatives who may stop by and help you with laundry, or grab a few groceries for you. Perhaps they've even stopped by to have a coffee with you and make sure you're holding up okay, but the narcissist will be irritated, even jealous, of this.
You're getting attention by doing nothing, yet they have to scrape and steal it from anyone who happens to be near them.
The thing is, you're not wanting it. You're needing it.
There's a big difference, but people like this won't see it that way.
The irritation comes from such a fragile ego that cannot fathom more than one person, them, getting attention from anyone. Isn't it a sad world we live in when this almost childish behavior is so obvious, and when you're feeling your worst, too.
5They remind you, "See? You need me," just because you do happen to need them
Ah, this is where you being in need benefits the narcissist, and where they jump up to be the first to remind you that "you need them."
"What would you do without me?" "It's a good job I was there." "I don't know how you think you can cope alone."
See alsoThe Narcissist Doesn't Need to Scream, Threaten, or Insult You. THIS Silent Punishment Can Hurt Even More.
You think, "Wow, they're right. I couldn't do this by myself."
You know, people do. And they usually have a little bit of a support system adding to that, too. You don't need someone, it's just nicer if you have someone to help, and there's a difference.
Don't be programmed to believe that alone, you'll fall apart. You won't.
Narcissists are big fans of speaking like this because they love to believe themselves that they're needed. They thrive knowing they have a place in the world that would otherwise fall apart without them.
Here's the funniest part: when you're well, you don't need the narcissist at all. This is why they try to make up for that fact when you do need a hand.
6They resent that you being sick takes their own time away from them
"I was going to go to the gym." "Well, I was hoping to watch the new movie out." "Can't you get an uber to the hospital?" "Why now?"
See also 8 Weird Things Narcissists Do on Vacation That Ruin Every Trip
You feel bad because you should have booked in your broken leg on another date! Maybe if you had broken it next Wednesday, that may have worked better for the ever-so-busy and self-involved narcissist that you're stuck being sick with.
The problem is, it isn't just a slight problem to them; it's a real resentment. They blame you because they didn't make leg day. They blame you because they missed their fitness class, but they don't see why you needed them.
This is why you try not to make a habit of making requests when you are well, because it will backfire somewhere down the line.
Don't ever be surprised when a narcissist treats you this way; they're doing it all on purpose to make you feel even worse than you already do, and it always works.
Understanding at least means you can learn how common this actually is.
