Heartless? A narcissist?!
I know, the sarcasm alone should tell you that it’s very typical of a narcissist to be heartless, but when their child is sick?!
Yes. Even more so, in fact. A sick child is the narcissist’s biggest inconvenience, for reasons you're about to learn.
With 7 in total, you’re probably going to bounce from shock to sheer disdain for these people when you realize how cold and cruel they can be with their own kids.
While you’re doing everything you can to take care of them, the narcissist has other plans.
1The annoying inconvenience
A horrible way to start this topic, but what better way than to tell you the biggest fact of all:
When your child is sick, it is the biggest inconvenience to the narcissist.
Therefore, their child becomes annoying. They have needs that go above and beyond anything the narcissist could possibly demand, even at the best of times.
A sick child needs love, maybe a trip to the doctor or hospital, regular check ins, appropriate warmth, food, fluids and rest.
This causes a major disruption to plans, and possibly takes out a parent from work for a time until the child feels better. Routine goes right out the window, and that sets the narcissistic parent off:
“I had plans today.” “I’ve got that important work meeting.” “You’ll have to figure it out yourself because I’m busy.”
Meanwhile you have a child that you share, unwell, and potentially listening in on all of this. What a way to shame them over something they can’t even help.
2Immediately turning it into nothing
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“Kids get sick all the time.” “Stop overreacting.” “They bounce back quickly.” “Some pain relief should help, then they can go to school.”
It’s always nothing when someone else, even the narcissist’s child, is sick. Take that same narcissistic parent though, and give them an illness or virus, and it’s the end of the world. Everybody must wait hand and foot on them, and plans have to be cancelled because they can’t even move.
There’s no reassurance, and a child isn’t going to feel better just because you’ve told them in a few days they’ll be fine.
It’s dismissive, and it tells the child in that moment that they don’t matter.
When a child is sick, they’re often looking for that comfort, and instead, they get a closed conversation.
3The narcissist disappears
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Where did they go? I’ll tell you:
Anywhere but where your sick child is.
I think it’s heartbreaking to know your partner doesn’t want to know as soon as there is a fever running, or some kind of health emergency that stops you in your tracks. You’re there trying to do everything you can to help and support your child, while your narcissistic partner, their other parent, is nowhere to be seen.
There’s no big announcement either, because they know what an uproar this will cause. Slowly they back away until they’re entirely out of view.
Errands, work meetings, a friend who urgently needs them, a parent who needs their help urgently.
There’s that convenience right there, because the sick child is counting on them to show up and put them first for a little while.
Never going to happen…
4You’re the nurse, and that’s that
Did anybody check with you before they forced you to sign up for this role? No, they didn’t.
You are one of the two parents, yet everything is left with you:
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Appointments. Nighttime check ins. Regular temperature checks. Fluid intake. Meals. Bathing or washing.
On top of that, the house doesn’t stop, right? Whatever your daily tasks were before your child got sick (and I’m sure there were plenty), you still have those to deal with.
You feel as though something has to give, and you look left to right for your narcissistic partner, but it’s done. The role is yours.
You’re being observed from a distance, and you’re fitting a role your child needs you to play. That’s why many victims don’t even question it; they’ve got bigger things to worry about. They can’t stop and complain, because someone needs to be there, don’t they?
Why is it you who is the caregiver though, and not the narcissist? Because they can’t bear the thought of trying to be empathetic and nurturing.
It’s not even in their blood, so they opt out completely.
5Online, they’re the good parent
When the child is sick, you can bet they will sneak a sit down on the couch for five minutes, long enough to get a photo of them and said child, and post it online.
“Mommy/daddy’s little soldier. Spending some quality time with this sick little angel.”
You take one minute from your chaotic day to check your socials, and you see it.
How the heck can the audacity be so high??
Comments are pouring in, people are reacting with sympathy, advice, and the best part, what a ‘great parent they are.’
You’re not mentioned, you’re nowhere to be seen, despite knowing you’re doing everything.
And so the performance continues!
6They make the child notice
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A child notices when a parent is not present. They notice when a parent means to be cold, and it feels terrible for them, especially when they’re sick.
“You’ll be fine, stop fussing.” “You aren’t the first kid to get sick, you won’t be the last.” “You just have to deal with it.”
The distracted half hugs come, and it falls flat on a child who is already feeling well below par.
There’s nothing fair about it, and slowly as it is painfully, that child learns being around this particular parent isn’t safe or reassuring.
It’s awful when you think about it. A parent has all the opportunities to do the right thing by their child, and so many, the narcissistic types, fail to do any of them. Then they wonder in older age why their child doesn’t want to be around them, or see them.
It’s because of things like this; it starts that early.
No child should ever be made to feel like a burden, especially in their own home.
7When you try to talk, you’re the bad guy
“Why do you always make me out to be the bad guy?” “I was there. If you wanted my help, you should’ve asked for it.” “I can never do anything right by you.” “Honestly, it’s exhausting even just trying to be with you.”
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All because you dared to speak up and say something about the way they’ve been treating your child ever since they got sick.
You have every right to speak up, too. You feel like you’ve been losing your mind, and it isn’t your imagination.
“Why haven’t you been here?”
That’s all it takes for the guilt trips, the complaining, and how much they do for everyone.
Soon enough, you regret saying a word, and you find yourself saying sorry just to keep the peace and stop the next battle of words from starting.
It shouldn’t be this way, but this is the sad reality for many victims of narcissistic abuse out there.
