Not everybody wears a healthy heart on a healthy sleeve.
A narcissist will show you that they are all they claim to be, while behaving in a completely cruel and calculated way the moment your back is turned.
There are five things they do behind your back, and if you knew about any of them, your heart would sink.
Eventually, I think victims find out the hard way, but rather than you going through all of that, I want to lay them all out for you today.
1They laugh about how easy it was to get you to open up to them
While you may not realize it, the entire point of the narcissist asking you all those personal questions was to get you to feed them information they can later use against you.
"You're so easy to talk to." "You're such a good listener." "I love that you let me say whatever I want to say." "Thank you for being so trusting." "I never met anyone like you."
Great for you at the time. You've just opened up to the narcissist who gave you nothing but good reasons as to why it was safe to do so.
You spoke about your past, your fears, your triggers, your thoughts, your hopes and dreams. They now know the most personal things about you, and you feel you've truly met someone you can live a long life with.
You're their joke. As soon as your back is turned, they're thinking, "I cannot believe this person fell for it."
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The charm of a narcissist is unlike anything you've ever seen before, and even the most dangerous of them will convince you that they're safe and trustworthy.
You'll believe their honesty only because it's been presented to you as such.
Sadly, you've made an error that is commonly made with people who think they've found a good person.
2They keep a record of your weaknesses in their mind as ammunition when they want to assert themselves
See alsoBehind Your Back, the Narcissist Is Telling These 6 Lies About You
Beyond the joke of you opening up in point one, the narcissist will extend everything you've told them and use them against you whenever the time suits.
The narcissist isn't concerned with being a nice person, they just want to gain maximum control over you, and will use whatever it takes for that to be a reality.
Taking a specific worry that you've voiced and using it against you is something the narcissist will do time and time again.
You're worried about not having enough money in your job, so the narcissist tells you that you should quit it altogether and just rely on their income. They convince you it's enough for you both to get by, only they pull away all control you have over the accounts as soon as you quit.
Now your worry is off the scales, and this is just one of many examples I can give you that they pull as evil tricks.
Your weaknesses should not be ever used against you, and if you knew this was what they were doing behind their 'good intentions,' I know you'd feel the pain deeply.
3They take quiet credit for everything you work hard to do
See also 8 Creepy Bedtime Habits That Only a Narcissist Would Have
Not that the narcissist is going to let you know about this, after all, they want the credit, and you did all the hard work to make it so.
The narcissist's ego doesn't want to admit that other people can be good at something. It won't want to admit that those things can be much better than anything the narcissist has ever done, and so these toxic people swoop in and steal what's there.
They steal your light and talent, and make sure whenever anyone sees what they're showing off that it had everything to do with them, and nothing to do with you.
If you knew this was happening, how would you feel about it? Would you let them have the win, or would you see it as unfair that the narcissist thinks so little of you that they wouldn't hesitate to be the thief they'd deny being if you confronted them.
I think this is proof you're dealing with someone who is only interested in themselves, and who would move heaven and earth to be the one who gets all the attention, even if it's over something they had no input in.
Not only that, but they're taking away your talent and time. Your effort is thrown in the bin.
If you knew this was happening in your life, would you be okay with it?
4They maintain relationships with people who have hurt you in the past
Caring more about connections than your discomfort! This is typical of narcissists, who are actually really interested in who you've previously fallen out with, and who has hurt you in the past.
Part of the reason they maintain relationships is because they like to get the first on you wherever possible, and that might mean tapping into moments you've been through that you'd sooner forget.
The narcissist wants to hear that you found this difficult, or that traumatic. They like to know that they've got something in common with someone, so those people are purposely held onto for information and supply boosting.
See alsoThe Best Revenge Against a Narcissist Is to Break Their Pride, Not Their Heart
It's crazy to think that a person who tells you how much they love you and care about you is also the same person running to these people and getting all the juice from them. They also want you to catch wind of their connections, so you can raise the issue of why they're doing this.
Why?
So the narcissist can call you jealous, or needy, or controlling.
You can't win.
5They share your flaws and personal details with people while hiding everything they do or aren't perfect with
"She really doesn't do painting very well at all." "She thinks she knows how to clean a car but trust me, it ends up being even more dirty than before." "She was always a bit of a sloppy kisser."
Your personal details and flaws get hung out for the world to see, but my goodness, if you tried doing the same thing just once, you would be punished severely and never be able to forget it.
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
The narcissist is quick to talk like this behind your back, because they want the people they're speaking with to know that you aren't as perfect as you try to make out you are (even though you don't do that at all). They want people to know you are flawed, so that whenever you try speaking up about the abuse, people automatically remember that you get 'confused easily,' or that you're 'jealous by nature.'
It's horrible to think this picture of you is being painted, and you have no idea. It's even worse to think the narcissist's imperfections are purposely held back and hidden, yet it's a classic tactic.
The narcissist isn't the person you think they are, and anything they know about you is eventually going to be used against you.
The more they know, the more they can use.
