Whether you tell people you're fine because you think you are, or because you don't want to make a fuss:
You're in denial.
There is no way anybody who is experiencing narcissistic abuse is fine, and if they dig a little deeper into the way the narcissist is treating them, the truth will unfold for itself.
This type of abuse breaks people, and leaves them feeling drained of all life and confidence. If any of these 6 signs resonate with you, I'd say it was time to start admitting the truth:
You feel a shell of your former self.
1You cry over the little things because you're carrying everything
Any opportunity to let your emotions out, and you will do that. Narcissists are very good at telling you not to show your emotions. They don't want to see when you're happy or sad, unless they had something to do with it.
All they're interested in is seeing you be small around them, and continuing to orbit their energy like you're supposed to.
Then it comes. The commercial with the cute kid. The song that has sad lyrics. The elderly couple holding hands in the street. The fridge magnet that you brushed into and it fell off and broke.
Small moments in your day become the very opening line for your tears to be permissible, and you just can't stop.
Why?
Because you're tired. You're exhausted from carrying everything, and you just want to be able to set it all down and breathe, but nobody is letting you.
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You are falling apart, and you're trying so hard to hold it all together as it's spilling out before you.
It's just no healthy way to live.
2You feel so happy when plans are cancelled so you don't have to spend the day pretending to be happy
Oh dear. Can't your friend make dinner tonight?
Phew!
See also6 Signs You're Not Lazy, You're Mentally and Emotionally Drained From Narcissistic Abuse
You kick off your shoes, run into the bedroom, change into your sweats, and proceed to fall onto the couch ready for an evening of TV.
You were dreading having to attend, not because you didn't want to see your friend, but because you didn't want to wear the mask with the fake smile while you hide behind it, crushed by your own current life.
The situation you're in is one that's less than desirable. You're treated, every day, like you don't matter and that everything you do is wrong. You're told you're unlovable. You are teased for having hobbies that you have now given up.
What's there to update your friend on, while she's sitting across the table talking about her healthy boyfriend and her new job promotion?
You aren't bitter, you just have nothing to offer this person at this time.
3You feel panicked when someone shows genuine kindness to you because you're so used to it coming with conditions
"Why is the person being so kind to me?" "What's the catch?" "When will it all turn sour?" "What am I going to end up being in trouble for?"
Questions like this are natural for someone who spends all their days being blamed or accused, even if they've done nothing wrong.
You panic when someone displays a genuine warmth your way, because you don't know what that looks like in a healthy dynamic.
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All you know is that bad usually follows good, so your eyes open and scan for danger.
If anything, you were more relaxed before the compliment. At least you knew where you were then, and nobody was trying to reveal their motive to you via fake niceness.
4You fantasize about living on your own and not being watched or drained by the narcissist
The little house at the end of the cobbled lane. It's got little windows, which are steamed up because you're roasting a chicken and you have your favorite music on.
There are lots of ornaments around the house, and your car is parked out front, and every room is painted and decorated just how you like it.
You have space; air to breathe. You come home from work to nobody but the cat curled up on the couch, and the evening is yours. It doesn't involve any drama, or slamming doors, or silent treatment.
Life is perfect, except for the fact that it's all in your imagination, and that imagination is the only thing that keeps you sane some days.
You tell everyone you're fine, but inside you've created an alternate life because you can at least go there on the days that are really bad.
This is a huge sign that narcissistic abuse has chipped away at you so much over the years that you're no longer a whole person in spirit. Those little pieces are broken on the floor, and nobody seems to see it.
It's easier to tell them you're fine, so you do.
The problem is, you haven't been fine for a very long time.
5You find yourself missing who you used to be before you became so careful and on edge
That person, do you remember them? They were at least able to function. They used to smile and brush their hair without fail every morning. They used to believe in themselves and sleep well. They had a job, friends, and a social life.
See alsoTHIS Is Also Emotional Abuse. And Too Many Women Don't Realize It Until They're Completely Broken Inside.
That person was you, and they still exist somewhere inside of you.
It's hard to know that you are so far removed from that entire description now, but it's only because over time you've been treated so badly that you feel like a stranger in your own body.
You don't work any more, and you don't take care of yourself because you don't feel worthy of looking or feeling halfway good.
The saddest part of all is who you've been replaced with. Your main job is to get through each day, so you do what you can to survive.
You people-please. You agree. You pacify. You beg. You tolerate the criticism. You read rooms before you step into them because you hate anticipating moods off the bat.
There you are, totally different in personality, and even in stature, too.
6You feel guilty when doing absolutely nothing
Why should anyone feel bad for sitting and relaxing? We can't all be doing everything all of the time, so you shouldn't feel bad for brewing some tea and curling up on the couch if that's what you want to do.
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Narcissists think everyone should be as busy and focused on the grind as they are.
"I don't work all day for you to sit about!" "Well, it's alright for some!"
You've heard it all before, and you jump out of your skin if you're sitting down and you hear the narcissist's car pull up. If you have a friend or relative over, they laugh because you get up so quickly to look busy just to avoid their latest attack.
This is all part of the programming, and you're the one who ends up suffering as a result because it all breaks you.
There's no way you can remain in one piece with all of this going on, is there?
