We all love to have a laugh, don’t we? Jokes are great, but when they’re made at people’s expense, the jokes fall flat.
What about you? If you know a narcissist, you know what it’s like to be made the butt of a joke that can kick you in the teeth rather than make you laugh at all.
Narcissists make jokes because they know they can be disguised as a cruel attack on you. If they have a smile on their face, it’s not because they’re funny, but rather that they got away with it yet again.
These 5 jokes are the most popular of all.
And no, none of them are remotely funny to you, even if everyone else is laughing.
A joke, you say…?
“Oh my God. Relax. I was just joking.” “Can’t you take a joke?” “You’re so sensitive.”
Heard it before? The pattern goes like this:
The narcissist says something to you that hurts you. You react. The narcissist makes you feel bad for reacting, but doesn’t address the fact that they made a hurtful ‘joke.’
Seems unfair, doesn’t it? It’s not an unusual dynamic, either, and one a narcissist will use to both say something mean and blame you for it.
This is why victims worldwide think they’re the problem, and even long after a relationship or dynamic ends, they walk away feeling as though a lot of what happened was because of them.
Underneath it all was something far more sinister than just a joke that you took the wrong way.
The narcissist, when doing this, is looking for ways to test you. They want to put out a real thought and wrap it and tie it up with a bow and ribbons. Their aim was to see how you responded, and they were waiting for you to push back and reveal your response.
If you were to smile along, the narcissist would make sure they remembered that you took it and carried it.
See alsoSix Traits Narcissists Envy in You Deeply
You see, no matter the outcome of their horrible joke, they win.
You either accept it and they take the win, or you react and they get to blame you for being unreasonable.
So, which one will it be?
There’s nothing comedic about this, is there?
1You are so dumb!
So here we go, in strong with the first joke, that you’re dumb.
You drop a plate, or you get a fact wrong, or you mispronounce a word, and suddenly the heat is put on you as stupid.
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This isn’t a joke. The narcissist is being mean because for once, they can upstage you and make you appear to be less intelligent than you actually are.
Basing one mistake on an entire personality is poor form, and that’s why such a big deal is made about your slip up.
In fact, it is said in such a playful tone that whether you’re both alone, or surrounded by other people, there will never be much of a pushback on the comment, and it will make other people smile, too. Some may even play along, thinking the whole thing is innocent and failing to see the abusive undertones.
Have a think about it:
What a way to dent your self-worth. It won’t be long before jokes like this genuinely make you question it, and second guess anything you say or do.
You’re silenced by a joke, and the narcissist knows it.
2Well, good luck without me!
Every time there’s an argument, the narcissist wants to remind you that without them, you’d be nothing.
We all know this isn’t true of course, but when you’re dealing day in day out with someone so toxic, it’s natural to start believing what they say.
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In the presence of everyone else, they will take it as lighthearted as it sounds, but there’s something more hurtful going on.
Repetition is powerful, and this is a great example of that.
No matter how the narcissist dresses up their contempt for you, they’ll make sure it’ll never look bad on them.
3You? Applying for that job?
Tell me this one doesn’t hurt, and I’ll eat my hat.
You’ve been there before; you’ve seen a job you want to apply for, and you know it’ll be the perfect fit for your likes, skills, and qualifications.
You make the mistake (unbeknown to you) of telling the narcissist, and it’s pretty much game over right there.
“Really?!” “They’d better run for the hills if you’re applying!” “I cannot picture you working all those hours and not turning into a miserable person!”
The reason for this is the joke that returns to you when you make the mere suggestion of applying for the job of your dreams. It’s exactly what you want, and yet the narcissist can somehow, in a few sentences, make it feel as though you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.
How is that?
Why is that?
It’s because deep down, all narcissists don’t want their victims to succeed, or even do slightly better than them. It’s one hell of a dent to their ego and self-proclaimed perfect image if you (their spouse, friend or relative) are going to steal their thunder.
They also don’t want you believing in your dreams, or having the confidence to work toward them.
4A woman belongs in the kitchen
Ah, the good old, predictable misogynist of a narcissist. Don’t you just love them?!
No!
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These jokes come thick and fast, and the narcissist means them.
“Women belong in the kitchen!” “What are you doing? You should be making my tea!”
Feel the realness of these comments and more, as the narcissist proves to themselves who they really are, and how they really want to make you feel.
And they’re not kidding, either. There’s a desire by them to have you tucked away by the sink, not making a noise or having any opinions, and just making sure their meals are cooked for them, and the dishes cleaned afterward.
5You look dressed for bed, not a meal out!
I hear this often from you in my comments, as well as my own clients I see.
“He tells me my new dress looks like it’s a nightshirt.” “He laughed when I showed up for lunch because my outfit, according to him looked like pyjamas.”
This is cruel, and the narcissist wants to make you feel insecure about an item of clothing you liked, bought, and wore.
It’s because you look nice, and it has nothing to do with what they’re throwing at you as a ‘joke.’
See alsoTHIS is What Makes Narcissists
Like all of these, it’s a way to control you, even down to how you react and feel when their so-called joke lands and hurts you.
It’s not meant to be a joke that you laugh at, yet somehow you’re punished when you return a blank or hurt look in their direction.
You’re suddenly the problem.
You’re suddenly the one who ‘can’t take a joke.’
I never said any of this was fair, but it’s true.
Listening for the abusive undertones will reveal all jokes to be jibes.
