Emotional abuse carries with it no bruises or marks. It is invisible, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
This is what makes it so hard to realize that you're being emotionally abused, and what makes it so difficult to show others what you go through day after day.
It's easy then, to not even realize you're the victim, because if you did, you'd then understand why you feel so broken.
I want you to understand that everything you're about to read all counts as emotional abuse.
1Making you feel silly just because you're excited about something
Why would anybody do this? I don't understand it, yet emotionally abusive people will make this one of the main ways they abuse their victims.
You're excited, and that to everyone should be a good thing. Something is happening, you've won a competition, you are going to lunch with a friend, it's your birthday tomorrow, you got a new car, you found your old necklace that you lost two years ago.
It doesn't matter what you're excited about, it's the fact that the narcissist doesn't want you to be, and so they make you feel immediately silly just because you're feeling joy.
Because these people are so unhappy with their own lives, they want to make you just as unhappy. Over time, you then think, "What's there to be happy about?"
So you keep all your excitements to yourself, eventually having them fade away entirely and replaced with indifference.
A pretty sad way to live, don't you think?
Yet this is the perfect way the narcissist wants you to live, and a way for them not just to control what you perhaps do, but even what you think and how you feel.
No wonder you feel broken.
See alsoDo These 3 Things And The Narcissist Will Suddenly Respect And Fear You
2Giving you the silent treatment until you apologize for something you didn't even do
The silent treatment is a cruel, cold way to treat somebody you're supposed to care about.
I get that people want space from time to time, but you can ask for it, or say that there's nothing wrong but you need a little time to yourself to go for a walk or get an early night, or whatever it may be.
Healthy silence doesn't last for days or even weeks, and it certainly doesn't come with the inability to share any reassurance if the other person feels on edge because of that silence.
Your thoughts fly around your mind:
See also6 Signs Narcissistic Abuse Is Slowly Breaking You, Even Though You Keep Telling Everyone You're Fine
"What did I do wrong?" "Why is this silence so painful?" "How can I make it all better?"
You end up falling to their feet, apologizing for something you didn't even do just to get some kind of peace back into your life.
Your nervous system has been wired to perceive silence as danger because the narcissist is intent on making you beg for normality again.
That's no way to live, and you then find this to be a part of your everyday life: begging and pleading because someone felt like going silent on you to see the lengths you'd go to to make it right.
It's not your job to make their abuse right.
It's not your job to smooth it over.
3Making little comments about your appearance or intelligence that leave you questioning who you are long after
"Why are you dressed like it's Halloween?" "Don't you ever get sick of having long hair?" "Do you really think you're even halfway clever enough to apply for that job?" "I don't think you'll be able to handle that."
It's not just every now and then, either; it's every opportunity to make you feel crap about yourself.
See also6 Things to Expect as Narcissists Get Older
That leads to a person, guess what, feeling crap about themselves!
You don't like the way you feel, yet you can pinpoint where it all came from. Because nobody is hitting you or slamming you up against the wall, you assume you're not being abused.
That's why emotional abuse can fall under the radar for so long; it has to be down to you to notice it, and if you're being manipulated, you're not going to.
So those little comments continue, and each one chips away at your self-esteem, confidence and your worth until there's nothing left.
That's a level of brokenness that we don't talk about nearly as often as we should.
4Treating every boundary you have as a personal rejection
Your boundaries are there for you to hold onto when people try to push their way into an area of your life that they aren't welcome.
Normal, healthy people will see your boundaries and have no issue with them, but if you're stuck with a narcissist, those people will push and push until they give up, or you do.
That's why it's imperative to stick to your morals and limits, and allow nobody access to the other side because once they're there, they will take advantage of you like never before.
Emotional abuse comes from taking a boundary that you have and somehow making it your problem that you have it at all.
"Why don't you care about me?" "It's like you don't even like me, let alone love me."
You then drop that line, and let the narcissist win because you feel guilty and ashamed that you even tried to maintain it.
This is why women get to the point where they feel nothing about their life is sacred, and that they don't have any kind of privacy or dignity.
It's because the narcissist saw you and decided they wanted every part of you, even those parts you initially held back.
See also6 Signs You're Not Lazy, You're Mentally and Emotionally Drained From Narcissistic Abuse
5Blaming you for the cold atmosphere they created
The narcissist will create a situation that leaves the atmosphere cold, and then blame you for why it's cold at all.
Take a night out, for example. You drive home, and are accused of talking to everybody else too much. The narcissist goes stone silent on you, and then an hour later blames you as to why there is now a fallout.
All you did was go on the night out and chat to your friends with him, and suddenly you're to blame.
In other words, the narcissist wanted you small, and because you showed up and showed your personality and light to people, they have a problem with it.
In turn, the next time you go out, you stay quiet, small, and have zero opinions; just how they want you to be.
6Turning your happiness into an emotion you feel you need to hide
You don't want the narcissist to have any excuse to criticize you, so it's best to keep quiet.
See alsoThe Dark Little Rituals Narcissists Keep to Themselves
Your nervous system learns that to be outwardly expressive means to put yourself in danger, so you do all you can to keep a low profile, and tuck away your emotions.
You don't want to be criticized, shamed, or bullied just because you're happy, so you hold it all in.
This is emotional abuse.
The narcissist is punishing you for feeling an emotion they cannot organically produce within themselves.
No wonder you get to breaking point.
