When a narcissist gets older, don’t assume for a second they will get kinder. Age doesn’t make them softer, and it certainly doesn’t give them the space to reflect or decide to treat anybody any better.
I hate to say it, but age is often what sharpens their tongue and their need to want control.
Mid-fifties hit, and the narcissist starts being specific about what they want from a relationship. They start to hone down on exactly what they feel they’re missing, and trust me, none of it is going to be good for you.
1 Don’t ever think the narcissist will mellow with age
I know it’s a very big mistake to make when you’re thinking about narcissists, but they do not mellow the older they get.
You think they might, I mean, many of us do, right? We don’t go partying like we used to, and we generally sink into older age with more wisdom and reflection than we ever had before.
The narcissist isn’t like this at all, and for you to assume they will is to prepare you for the shock of your life.
Narcissists feel more urgency in their older age. They look in the mirror and notice their looks fading. They look at their contacts list and realize they have a very thin social circle. They start getting niggling health issues that they can no longer ignore.
For the narcissist, this is a crisis. They loathe being a true victim that they aren’t in control of, and age is something none of us have power over.
The narcissist’s identity is built on what image they put out into the world, and it also is built on the very control they’re losing the older they get.
So, in short, no, they don’t mellow. They just understand that strategy is something they need to take another glance at, and shift what started to not work with new things they can rely on.
2 Wanted: “Someone to care for me”
They aren’t interested in having a partner.
After 55, these people are instead looking for someone who is going to always be there when things get difficult for them. A companion would be nice, right? Someone to spend time with and mutually appreciate. Nope, not a narcissist. They will be looking for who can do what for them, and how well they can do it.
For you, that’s where you need to pay a little attention, because yes, the narcissist can make it appear to be love, but it’s not, it’s convenience dressed up.
I want someone to grow old with. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life without you. You are the first person who has actually made me feel safe in this world. I’m not getting any younger, I don’t want to waste any more time.
Translate it all, please, because there’s no way you can think any of this is true when the narcissist’s real aim is to keep you, have you, and use you.
Honestly? It all means the following:
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseManage my moods. Wash my dishes. Drive me to all my health appointments. Defend my terrible behavior. Don’t leave when I become overtly terrible.
3 The narcissist hates to be questioned
A younger narcissist will be able to cope with a little bit of pushback from people. In fact, they plan it into their day so they can stay on top and in control.
The older they get? Yeah, the worse they will be able to find any of this. They get to 55 and above, and all they want is more and more compliance.
Older narcissists become more drawn to people who seem grateful, and even a little lonely. It could be that the people they spot and want to pull in are those recently divorced or widowed, and I know how terrible that sounds, but it’s the truth.
These are the kinds of people who don’t have to look too hard at what’s happening, they will just be grateful for a little bit of company. They will just be pleased they were chosen, and it will make them feel good and give the narcissist everything they want, too.
This is a person who is instantly easier to control and manage. A person who is less likely to call out the behavior of a narcissist, because they’re too busy feeling happy that they aren’t alone and isolated.
They will also stay for those very reasons. Why would they want to go back to being alone?
4 If the narcissist isn’t showing off, they’re not inflating their status
A narcissist relies heavily on their status, so the outside world must see all the good bits about them. They have to look good, and they’re more desperate than ever, because they know their window of time is closing in on them. Age is creeping in, and you can’t stop it, no matter how hard you try.
A narcissist is looking for a relationship that they are able to show off to the whole world, and that starts with someone who makes them look fantastic.
See? I knew it wouldn’t be long before I found love again. I’m fine. Everything is great. I’m so happy.
Yeah, right. We can see that you’re lying, but a lot of people sadly won’t. They believe the narcissist.
The person, and perhaps it’s been you, will feel that you’re worth it. You’re wanted. You’re celebrated. So how can a person who is celebrating you this much treat you terribly?
That’s the catch, isn’t it?
I want you to see that, to the aging narcissist, you’re nothing but a prop.
5 Financial control is the aim of their game
I don’t think people talk enough about how bad finances can get for victims of narcissistic abuse, and this is where I have to talk about it.
An aging narcissist is so focused on money. They either want to protect their own and all their assets, or they’re wanting to steal yours.
They won’t be obvious about either, but if they’re pushing you to club your finances together, I would step back firmly and see it as a huge red flag.
They’ll lie about what they have just to get access to every dime you own.
I want us to build a life together. We’re stronger together, right?
Wrong.
Hold your money close to you, and don’t let the narcissist know how much you’re worth.
As soon as you do, they’ll be relentless in their pursuit for a large cut of it.
6 When nothing goes to plan, they need someone to blame
It’s inevitable that a narcissist’s health will decline the older they get. Aches and pains become more frequent, and on top of that, friends will disappear and people start to want a distance between them and this person.
After 55, life for a narcissist can get really lonely.
Everybody else will get the blame for it.
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsI don’t know why I get the blame. I haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve worked all my life.
Yeah, yeah. It’s always got to be someone else, right?
Don’t buy it. This is what they do, and it will always boil down to you never doing enough for them.
It was never your fault.
The aging narcissist just doesn’t want to be honest with themselves because then they will realize that they’re to blame for it all.
