You think growing old with someone is the slippers, warmth and security you always wanted? If you plan on growing old with a narcissist, you can forget about all of that.
They want to grow old with you by their side, but for these 6 chilling reasons only. None of them are because they love and care about you.
Once you realize what they're really talking about, everything will change for you, to the point where you won't be able to unsee any of it.
1 Growing old with you? The narcissist said that?!
Oh, sure. A narcissist can actually say some of the most beautiful things you've ever heard in your life, and you'll have at some point taken them all in and believed them, too.
You may have gazed adoringly at each other over dinner, hearing all those promises. Perhaps it was in the strong and certain way the narcissist held your hand. Or what about that special anniversary card you got where they declared their love for you forevermore?
You cried every time, and in the best, most romantic way possible.
"I chose you for eternity."
"I can't imagine being with anybody else."
"I don't want to do life without you by my side."
It all sounds wonderful. There are reasons behind every word written or spoken, and every gesture sent your way.
Those reasons won't be what you think.
2 The supply has to come from somewhere long-term
Narcissists love to think ahead of the game, and that means they're constantly scanning and planning, looking for ways to manipulate and people to take that manipulation from.
As a result of this, all narcissists are keen to lock in someone for the long run. They need that same, consistent person to be present, because as they get older, starting over becomes more and more difficult to do. For them, it's so much easier to have someone there for them through it all, knowing the ins and outs, and being a strong source of supply that means they spend as little energy as possible.
Getting to know someone new doesn't sit well with them, and doesn't give any narcissist the opportunity to work their most efficient games into the dynamics. Having that 'old faithful' by their side means the work is done, and the time can keep ticking.
When you stay there by their side, you instantly become that tap they can run that never dries up. You're there for it all, and you hand over any type of supply the narcissist needs.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House3 The fact is, you know too much
Those years will reveal so much for you if you look closely, and it starts with everything you've seen. The mask slips, not just once, but multiple times, and you're there to witness this changing person who goes from charming and everything you could wish for, to the most hurtful person you know.
You witness their lies, those stinging contradictions, and even those times where the narcissist was unable to hold their ego and fragility together. The times they raged and blamed everything on you, or the days where they thought silence would trigger more fear in your already shaken mind are all experiences you went through.
If the narcissist is able to keep you close, it means they're more able to keep you quiet. They know that your presence means they're able to control you to a strong and high extent, whereas if you left, there's no telling what you might say, reveal or do.
Knowing too much means you're a real risk to the narcissist's reputation, so keeping you close can give the narcissist what they need in order to keep that control.
4 They're lining up someone to care for them
That's all they've got, right? A narcissist that ages is looking for someone who can be there as their health, age, looks, and social circle all take what they deem as a tumble. Of course, we know it to be different. We know that aging is a privilege, but a narcissist sees it as losing out on the best years of their life. They want someone there to be their backbone.
They've worked their way through dozens of people, burned all the bridges, and their charm has worn thin on everyone around them.
As for you? Well, you're different. You know exactly how they like their coffee, and you know their moods, taking them in without so much as flinching. You've been a part of their system for years, and it's just like every other day to you.
The narcissist isn't imagining what it's like to grow old with you, they're just making sure you're by their side as they age so you can continue to bow down to every demand and bad mood.
Whether or not you choose to do this is up to you.
I will say this, though:
You are nobody's carer for the sake of being nothing else.
That's not your purpose, it never was and it never will be.
5 Over time, their control of you becomes second nature
When you've been with a narcissist for long enough, you will eventually get to the point where you stop questioning all the things that you once did. What I'm talking about here is certain behaviors that you would've been shocked by, that now, you shrug off. You become used to them, but that doesn't make those behaviors right.
You aren't falling more deeply in love, you're just heightening your tolerance levels, which is unfair on you, and yet works solely in the narcissist's favor.
You're being stretched unfairly, and the longer you stay, the more normalized the narcissist's behavior is going to end up being.
That means one thing:
The narcissist gets to stay in control, even with older age.
That suits them perfectly, as an aging narcissist knows that retaining control means diving into new waters in order to make that happen.
6 If you leave, you're going to expose every single toxic part of them
Wouldn't that be something, huh? Walking away from someone after years, maybe even decades together, would certainly raise eyebrows among those who know you both.
There will be questions asked, and you'll naturally have mutual friends wanting to pick a side.
If you were to leave after all that time, the story the narcissist has told both about you, them and your relationship will be put under a microscope. People will look closely, and the narcissist won't like that. It'll feel like the walls are closing in on them, and so they choose to hold onto you instead.
If you were to get restless or sad enough to justify it, they will resort to love-bombing you and making you the center of their world all over again.
What the narcissist is really telling you is not to go anywhere, and that's why many victims stay where they are.
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsFalse pretenses just about covers it.
What you have to realize is that your presence actually makes them look good, even if they don't love or care for you.
Any narcissist is happy to stay in a long marriage or relationship, as they're with a person who stands by them no matter what. For everyone looking in, that looks like true love and loyalty, but you know the truth.
The narcissist was never stable, yet your presence makes it look as though they are.
