Right now as you read this, the chances are there’s someone out there who is telling the story of you factually and morally incorrectly. They are handing it out to anyone who will listen, tied up with a ribbon, and it’s to those you know, love, and would connect with.
Every single word they’re speaking is a lie, and the part that is so hard to do is stay silent.
You want to scream and shout, but doing so only makes them look like they were telling the truth.
Don’t think for one second that you’re weak. In fact, I’d say this was a serious sign of strength.
Here’s why.
1The narcissist’s words sit with you
I took a big sigh before I even started writing, because I know too well the kinds of feelings that a narcissist's words give you. You feel it in your chest as they say what they say, and you can’t help but take note of the tone of their voice, all the way down to the date those words were spoken.
The narcissist says what they want to say, and there you sit, quiet, listening, taking it all in, and wishing you were anywhere else.
What does your gut tell you?
It tells you that speaking up only makes matters worse for you, not them. Speaking up means you feed their toxic mind. Speaking up shows that you’re trying to assert and defend yourself, and this is what the narcissist doesn’t want you to do.
You feel guilty if you cause more conflict by voicing your opinion, so you keep it all to yourself. It’s better to not be reactive than it is to just take whatever they’re saying.
See? Listen to yourself. You’re crazy. You’re obsessed with answering back.
If it sounds familiar, that’s because it is. It’s what you’ve had to go through time and time again.
See alsoWhen a Narcissist Realises You Are Not Coming Back, This is What Happens Next
2Silence feels as if you’ve been defeated, but you’re wrong
I know for you, staying quiet will feel like losing, and I can’t let this topic slide without telling you how wrong that thought process is.
I get it. You want to yell and correct them. How dare they tell lies about you, right?
You’re mad, you’re wanting justice, and you’re sick of the narcissist saying whatever they like about you.
It’s brutal, and I understand that.
As people nod along to this version of you that’s being spoken about that does not exist, you watch everyone start to treat you differently. They pull back and go a little cold on you, because they’re believing things about you that are making your stomach turn to knots.
See also5 Passive Aggressive Tactics Narcissists Use That You'd Never Recognize As Abuse
You have this instinctual roar inside you that makes you want to scream at everyone until you’ve been able to set the record straight.
Here’s something you need to know about narcissists:
Their smear campaigns have been running in the background longer than you could possibly imagine.
The groundwork the narcissist has been laying about you is well and truly set, and by the time you figured out what was going on, the narcissist’s audience had already formed their opinion.
You can’t walk into a prepared crowd and try to change their minds; it just doesn’t work that way.
At least, not yet anyway.
3Your silence does this to the narcissist
Don’t mistake any form of silence that you can put out into the world during these times as nothing.
You’re assuming that because you aren’t saying anything, that you’re doing nothing. This simply isn’t the case.
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Your silence maddens the narcissist. They can’t stand that they aren’t getting a rise out of you. The reason they put on this performance in the first place is because they were hoping you’d run and join them and create a scene of all scenes.
That didn’t happen, even though it was their plan. The louder and more emotional you get proves to everyone that the narcissist was right all along about you.
If you were to instead just hang back, refuse to join in, and let the narcissist stand there alone while they call your name and see where you are; everything crumbles.
The narcissist thinks:
Why are they staying silent? Why aren’t they speaking? Why are they so calm? Why am I not rattling them?
It’s because you’re still, and you can only be still if you are silent. You become this huge problem to the narcissist; one they cannot solve.
We all know how much a narcissist hates a problem they can’t solve, right?
4There are people out there who are worth your time and the wait
You’re always going to get some people who believe the lies a narcissist spews. I truly know what it feels like to be so frustrated with that, but believe me, you can’t spend your time worrying about what may or may not be being said.
I also can’t stress enough how these are just not your kind of people you need to be surrounding yourself with.
If someone matters to you, and you matter to them, they won’t leave your side.
I am a firm believer in time being our biggest friend, and I know that involves having a level of patience when it comes to the truth being outed, but it always is outed.
Stories that keep changing, people in those stories who weren’t there before, or someone always keen to speak up about it to make sure everyone hears how horrible you are; these are all classic examples of the narcissist doing their job.
Trust me though, lies need to be remembered. The truth doesn’t need to work hard to be consistent, which is why ultimately it will out itself and work in your favor.
See alsoWhy Is The Narcissist Crying When They're The One Who Ruined Everything?
I think waiting for that moment to happen is the worst part of it all, because it can take a while. You get impatient; you just want justice for yourself, and you want the narcissist to expose themselves.
It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.
5Invisibility is not a coat you wear
Repeat after me:
I am silent, but I am not invisible.
You have to believe it, because at the end of the day, you are not surrendering yourself into being a quiet little mouse taking all the abuse the narcissist has to throw out there.
You are in it to play the long game, and you will have moments where you wish things would speed up and all those lies would be caught out.
There is time, and one day, the truth will catch up with every single person.
You don't even have to say a single word for that to be the case.
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
My advice is this:
Stick with it.
I know it’s hard. I know you see and hear those lies and you want to scream at the top of your lungs, but hold off.
The silent game is not the weak game you’ve convinced yourself that it is.
Wait for that sweet moment, because it won’t be far away.
