Bridges are a great way to stay connected to people, aren’t they? You cross them, you see who you love, you make the effort.
With narcissists, they don’t follow that pattern at all. Instead, you’ll find them burning bridges whenever they get the chance. Opportunities, loved ones, coworkers, even their own spouse or kids.
The reason they get away with burning so many is because there’s always the next person (or victim) they have waiting in line.
Guess what? At some point, that last bridge will be burned…
1 Backup plans are great for the narcissist until they stop existing
Every single narcissist loves to run on supply. They're looking out for people who can admire them, or cover for them when they inevitably make mistakes. They want someone who shows up for them in moments they need someone by their side, and if you do that and then suddenly stop, they will look for the next person.
Maybe you finally saw through them, or got tired of chasing empty hopes and dreams. Don’t expect the narcissist to grieve you in any way. You didn’t mean enough to them in the first place for them to get sad, they just need to replace you, and that’s their focus now.
You weren’t that loyal anyway. You didn’t act like much of a friend. I don’t need the kinds of people who don’t know how to handle me. Your loss.
The narcissist walks away, and right onto their next, unsuspecting victim. They circle back to do the same old thing all over again, and for a little while, it’s a cycle that works for them.
A narcissist can start again if it means they get what they want out of it, and they enjoy knowing they’ve still got what it takes to find the next one who will be there through all the drama.
2 Burning bridges: What you need to know
Here’s the thing about burning bridges, because what I just said doesn’t stay that way for long at all.
When you light a fire, it never stays in the one place you sparked the match, it’ll move and spread rapidly, right?
The narcissist is going to eventually experience this with every single bridge they go on to burn, and every time they lit the single flame, they burned a bridge that left someone on the other side of that bridge with a story and experience of the narcissist. Those things will be truths the narcissist can’t change.
Eventually, all the people who have burned bridges in front of them will find each other and start talking. The truth comes out, the narcissist’s reputation starts to become tattered. It’s very slow and quiet, but trust me, it builds like nothing you’ve seen before.
Narcissists will burn bridges when things don’t go their way. Someone on an occasion may not return their text or call. They try and try, and eventually give up. Friendship culled.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseA friend cancels plans. Culled.
A job reference they’ve asked for from that old coworker/friend doesn’t come through on time. Culled.
Everything is burned that doesn’t go their way, and for a long time, the narcissist is okay living this way, because there’s always someone else to go to next, right?
Sure.
That works for a while. Eventually though, it won’t work because the narcissist will get to one particular bridge they will burn and regret doing so.
That’s where I want to go next!
3 One bridge out of all was most important
Ah yes, the one bridge that held the most importance of all. It happens, and it happens to be the very bridge the narcissist needed the most.
This is the person in their life who smoothes out situations smoother than anyone else, or the coworker who made them look so good in front of everyone. Sometimes, it’s even been known to be the person who clears up all the mess the narcissist creates while they skip along their merry, egotistical way.
That’s all gone, and it’s because the narcissist just couldn’t help themselves. This final incident, whatever it was, pushed the person to just stop showing up. They decided they didn’t want to be the person to fill in those gaps any more and do all that dirty work, and the narcissist will, slightly panicked, reach out.
I’ve been thinking so much about you lately. I feel like we just got off to a wrong start. There’s not many people who get me, and you’re one of them.
This person hears everything, but they’ve also heard it all before. They know what this is and where it’s going, so they don’t even open those texts. If they do, it’s a short reply that really gathers no pace at all.
In short; they’re done, and it’s as simple as that.
4 The forced confidence is just the start…
I want you to watch what happens next, because it’s where so many interesting things shift those dynamics. A narcissist loses their safety net the moment this person decides to pull back.
Over time, the bridge they burned with them causes this person to not even bother returning any kind of reaction at all, and you’ll see the different side to the narcissist altogether.
The narcissist will definitely try hard to impress. They will tell stories that are louder than ever, and try reaching back out to mend what they broke. They want to worm their way in, and wonder if there’s anything they can do to get this person back on board.
The damage is done, and won’t be forgotten. What can the narcissist do now?
They skip town, perhaps try to start a new life there where nobody knows them or their history of abuse. They start the same cycle again with someone else, with no matches being lit to burn anything.
Each time they do this, their circle shrinks smaller and smaller, because people clock on quicker to what the narcissist is really trying to do, and who they really are underneath it all.
Forced confidence becomes a real eye opener to the people observing, and the narcissist, in real time, feels that loss of magic and control they’ve been so used to possessing.
5 You have to know that you didn’t cause this
No victim wants to cause ill connections with people; they want a happy, peaceful, and easy life. They go into relationships thinking the best about the person they’re with, so never in a million years do they want to cause arguments, disconnections, or burn bridges.
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsUnfortunately, this is what they get tangled up in, and that has nothing to do with who they are at all.
The narcissist is in control of how they act and what they do, and yes, they can blame you for being the reason, or seeing fault in you, but that doesn’t mean they’re right.
Too many victims believe their abuser, and that’s where the trouble starts.
My advice is to just walk away and let them act in a way that speaks volumes about their own toxic character.
