Ah, welcome to the world of double standards. They exist everywhere you'll find a narcissist, and that's because it's their world, and everyone is expected to play along.
What starts off as a set of rules for everyone, ends up being a set for them, and a separate set for you.
This is a cold, calculated system designed to be constantly unfair to you, and these 8 things are proof that the narcissist can do what you're never allowed to do.
And you don't get told the rules. You just find out by breaking them, then getting punished for it while they smirk like you should have known better.
The double standards of narcissists
Why is it that when the narcissist talks to anyone else, they're "just talking," yet when it's you, you're immediately flirting? In moments like this you can truly understand where the term double standards truly comes from.
The narcissist thinks they can do whatever they want with no pushback or complaints allowed from you, meanwhile, you cannot take a single step out of their toxic line because it's not right. A standard applies to you, and not to them, and that's not fair.
This is my point here, and why there are so many things a narcissist feels they're allowed to do but that you're never allowed to even think about. Nobody said anything about this being fair.
Fair is a word narcissists use when it benefits them, and a word they mock the second you dare to use it back.
1 Emergency! The narcissist has feelings. You? Forget it!
First up, we have those precious feelings of a narcissist. They're forever wanting everyone to know how they feel, and this is precisely where they want people to be:
Revolving around them at all times. When the narcissist is upset, they expect everyone else to be right there for them no matter what. That means you have to drop whatever it is you're doing, and make sure you run straight to them to reassure them.
You explain yourself, you offer every word possible for them to feel better, and for what? Ultimately nothing will be good enough for them, but that won't stop them from demanding your time and energy.
When you're the one who needs those kind words and that comfort, you can forget about it. Here we go again. Why do you always do this? Everything always has to be about you, doesn't it? You see how different it looks?
If you cry, your tears become the narcissist's discomfort. If they are upset, you have to rush to their side.
I had a client once tell me she was mid panic attack on the bathroom floor and he stood in the doorway asking why she was ignoring him.
2 You are criticized daily, yet the narcissist can't hear the same back
When I say daily, I also mean multiple times per day, and if you know, you know… It's constant. Whatever you do is never right. Whatever you say is never right. However you behave is never right. The friends, hobbies, even the shows you like are never right.
Your text was worded poorly. The way you laugh riled the narcissist. Criticism will come from every angle, and let me assure you, this is a one way street. If you dare to be the same, even just a fraction of that criticism, you will know about it.
You're not allowed, and it's that simple. Even if you were so gentle with some kind of feedback you have for the narcissist, you're going to hear them complain to you to the point where you end up feeling guilty and apologizing, even though you did nothing wrong.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseWhy are you attacking me like this? You can be so cruel when you want to be. Why do all these mean things just roll off your tongue like this?
Trust me, criticism does not work both ways, and the moment you try is the moment you realize just how fragile the narcissist's ego really is.
One tiny note about the dishes and suddenly you've spent an hour talking them down. You even end up thanking them for hearing you out. Absurd, right?
3 While the narcissist needs and wants space, you are never granted the same
The narcissist loves to be quiet because it's their thinking time. They want that space, and almost demand it from you, wondering why you'd even attempt to interrupt it when you know what they're doing. For you? You aren't allowed any time alone. What are you doing?
Why do you want to be alone? Who are you going to be with? Why are you being so passive-aggressive about this? Are you trying to punish me or something? For them, that alone time is considered to be self-care, but for you, think again.
In their eyes, you're committing an actual crime by stepping back, and that can be so exhausting for people who need to just take a moment to breathe or think.
Their silence is sacred. Yours is suspicious. That's the whole rulebook in two lines, and you learn it the hard way, over and over.
4 They can make mistakes, yours are never forgotten
Your mistakes are never forgotten because the narcissist wants and likes to remind you as frequently as possible that you're not perfect. With them, it's the opposite; they hate that reminder. For them, they want to look as good as the image they've worked hard to build.
Mistakes like forgetting your birthday, forgetting to call, saying something unkind, letting you down for whatever reason means that they just had a lot going on and that you're making a big deal of it all. That one time you fell short eight months ago?
That will be brought up daily if the narcissist can get away with it. You don't know a narcissist until you watch them regurgitate your one mistake back to you on repeat while they make a hundred.
And they'll deliver it with that little smile too, the one that says, remember this? I do. I've kept it filed for exactly this moment.
5 Conversations are abandoned, but you don't get to leave
A narcissist is always very good at walking away from conversations, especially ones of significance or importance. When it suits them, they step back and abandon any kind of resolution, but for you? Forget it.
You aren't allowed to do the same, and if you try, you're accused of being disloyal or uncaring. Why do you never want to fix anything? I knew you didn't care.
The constant testing is a way for the narcissist to keep you in the loop and feel as though you're going mad, but for them, they fix their stress by tapping out and leaving.
Meanwhile you're standing in the kitchen mid sentence, wondering if you're supposed to follow, wait, or pretend the whole thing never happened.
6 They're allowed to get sick, but with you, the show must go on
I hate this about anybody who lacks empathy:
You are not allowed to be sick, even when your fever is 102 and your entire body aches, you must not complain, and you have to continue with your day. The narcissist? They get a paper cut and the whole world has to stop. Why is that?
It's simple: you're inconvenient when you're sick, and the narcissist knows it. They hate seeing you be unwell, and they automatically think you're just after sympathy because that's what narcissists do when they're sick.
Not everybody is like them though, and not everyone uses coughs, colds, aches and pains to get attention.
A narcissist will pretend to be sick and convince you that they are even when there's nothing wrong, because they're bored and they want you to stop everything you're doing in order to be there for them. When you are genuinely unwell? That's a different story.
They complain to you that you just haven't got the stamina, and that nobody is going to pick up your responsibilities and so you have to just carry on. Nobody said any of this was fair, but it's the truth.
A cold for them is a crisis. A cold for you is a character flaw. Somehow you're the one apologizing while running a fever.
7 They Can Spend Freely, You Have to Justify Every Dollar
Money with a narcissist is never just money. It's a leash. They can drop hundreds on some new gadget, a night out, a jacket they'll wear once, and there's no conversation to be had about it. You?
You need a receipt, an explanation, and possibly a written apology for buying yourself a coffee on the way to work.
Why did you spend that much? Do we really need this? I work hard for our money, you know.
Meanwhile their Amazon parcels are stacking up by the door like a small mountain.
The worst part is how quickly you start pre justifying purchases in your own head. You rehearse the reason before you even swipe the card. A woman told me once she used to hide grocery receipts because she knew the yogurt brand would start a two hour argument.
That's not budgeting. That's being audited by someone who spent triple that on themselves last Tuesday and called it self care.
See also THIS is What Makes Narcissists8 Their Friends Are Welcome, Yours Are Suspicious
Notice how the narcissist's friends are always welcome to drop by, stay late, call at midnight, take them out for the weekend? No problem. They're great people, they're fun, they're important. Yours though? Oh, yours are a different story entirely. Your friends are loud. Your friends are a bad influence.
Your friends don't like the narcissist (which is usually true, by the way, because your friends can see straight through them). Suddenly every time you make plans to see someone you love, there's an interrogation waiting. Where are you going? Who's going to be there?
Why do you need to see them again, didn't you just see them? It's wild watching a narcissist entertain their crowd like royalty while treating yours like a threat to national security. And slowly, without you even really clocking it, you start seeing your people less.
You stop mentioning coffee dates. You water down the group chat. That's the whole point. Their circle gets to expand. Yours quietly shrinks until they're the only person left standing.
