Parents are supposed to be a child's ultimate protector, advocate, supporter, and unconditional source of love.
I'm sad to say that this isn't the case for many parents, who are more obsessed with their ego and image than any child they're responsible for.
It's hurtful, to say the least, and their heartlessness stretches into these 9 things all narcissistic parents do that their children never forget.
As painful as they are, I want you to remember that, as the innocent child in this, none of it was your fault.
1The children are made to feel like guests in their own home
Unwelcome ones, at that!
Why is it that home never really feels like home for children who are raised by a narcissist?
Could it be that they're made to feel as though they need to earn their place there?
Could it be because they're told as soon as they get a job, they either need to pay rent or get out?
Could it be because they feel constantly indebted to a world they never asked to be born into?
Yes, yes, yes, and more!
The tiptoeing, the mood-checking, the room-scanning, the eggshells, the rules, the feeling as though they have constantly done something wrong; it's all there throughout their entire childhood.
See also 9 Things Female Narcissists Do to Manipulate Men
2They only offer affection as something that has to be earned
Conditional love is given when the narcissistic parent thinks the child has earned it.
“Well done!” “You did fantastic!” “Come here; I'll give you a big hug!”
Why? Because love is a consequence of an action that pleases them. It can't be that you had a bad day, or didn't do well in a school test, or got upset by a friendship fallout.
Sadly, this means children end up chasing love and approval, not just in childhood, but throughout their entire lives.
3They reveal anything their child has told them in confidence
See alsoThe Cruel Reason Children Defend the Parent Who Hurts Them
To anyone!
From personal information, to savings and investments, from sworn secrets, to trusted matters.
If children can't go to their parents, who can they go to? To speak so privately only for that information to be shared around is heartbreaking, and it will somehow be the child's fault.
It's no wonder children of narcissists grow up not knowing who to trust.
4Sibling relationships are turned into rivalries
Not just the odd family, but most families inevitably see fallout. Siblings are pitted against each other and programmed to compete, until eventually they part ways for good and never speak again.
It's something these children never get over and of course, they are deprived of having a proper sibling connection their whole lives, and all because someone, their own parent, wanted it to be so.
How could anyone forget this?
See also7 Strange Things Narcissists Do at Night
5They make their child feel responsible for keeping everyone happy
The child is not, and should never be treated as, the emotional caretaker.
They are kids, and deserve an innocent upbringing away from drama and conflict.
To lean on your child only serves to put pressure on them to be there, put the toxic parent first, and be responsible for whatever comes next.
Nobody should be given this heavy task of fixing moods, especially at such a young age.
6They turn real events into totally different versions in order to favor them, and not their kids
“That didn’t happen!” “You’re remembering it wrong!” “I would never dream of doing that!” “Well, you were playing up that day, if I remember correctly.”
If they remember correctly … ha! That’ll never happen.
A narcissistic parent will remember their children however they feel like remembering them, which is sad for the child who grew up innocently, yet at the toxic hands of someone so controlling and abusive.
Real events can be spun around to suit the narrative of the narcissistic parent, especially if it means inadvertently calling out their kids in the process.
One client remembers this well, stating, “My dad once shouted at my mother in front of me in the kitchen when I was in my early twenties. I yelled at him, and swore, telling him in a strong term to leave her alone. That’s what he used against me with everyone he and I knew, including family. He omitted bullying her. He makes me sick.”
This is narcissistic through and through, and it hurts even more when they’re your parents. The important thing to do here is to hold onto your version of events, as they’re far more likely to be accurate than the narcissist’s lies.
7They make their children feel like growing up and gaining independence is a bad thing
Narcissistic parents feel betrayed when their kids grow up and start making themselves a real part of the world.
See alsoWhy Narcissists Can Love Having Children but Hate Being a Parent
The older they get, the more they want to break free from their parent’s control, which is the worst nightmare of the narcissistic parent in question.
Here’s the thing though; all children grow up. They want to grow, explore, have adventures, learn; making mistakes along the way is inevitable. A narcissist cannot bear the thought of that distance being put between them and their child (and yes, an adult will still be treated like a child, even if they’re married themselves with a family).
It’s not a bad thing to want to carve out your own identity, and no parent should punish their child for wanting to do so.
8They watch their child struggle, and use the fact they can’t do something as a reason why they must be weak
All children need initial support or help, don’t they? You can’t expect them to do everything on their own and perfectly from the moment they’re born, and narcissistic parents know this.
Still, they expect perfection, and can be known to tease and mock their children, even at a young age, for not being good.
They can’t write properly, and they must “need to concentrate and stop being silly.” They struggle to decide what they like to do for a hobby, and their parent tells them they, “Have their head in the clouds all the time.”
With narcissistic parents, there’s always a cruel excuse to bite the confidence off their children. They’d prefer to sit and watch them struggle, offering nothing but criticism when in fact, being patient and loving costs nothing.
See also 8 Creepy Bedtime Habits That Only a Narcissist Would Have
9Any happy moment is an excuse for the narcissistic parent to bring them back down to earth
“Alright, calm down.” “It’s not like you won a Nobel prize or something.” “God, you’re so screechy when you’re excited.” “I’ve got such a headache, do you have to be so loud?” “Well, we will see if you get a good mark in your next exam, or if this was just a one off.”
Hardly fair, is it? To knock your child down because they’re happy is a terrible thing to do, but no narcissist wants to see anyone happy, including their kids.
These children will grow to be adults who don’t know how to celebrate wins throughout their life, and will feel guilty or ashamed for being happy, which is just crazy to me.
Why even bother having kids if that’s how you treat them?
