Seeing your child sick is an awful feeling. You want to make them better, but there’s no magic wand other than time and love.
Of course, I am talking to you as a sane, normal, healthy parent, and not a narcissistic one.
I’d drop everything in the same way you would, to be there for them, because that’s what unconditional love looks like.
But then there’s the narcissist; the person who, when their child is sick, is as cold as ice to the point where the following 7 things are standard responses by them.
How could anyone make a child’s illness about themselves? You’re about to find out.
1The annoyance of the narcissist
Probably the best place to start, right? With each time the narcissist’s child is sick comes a brand new opportunity for them to be annoyed.
What at? I’ll let one of my clients tell you through direct experience:
“My narcissistic husband always seemed to blame our child whenever she got sick. ‘Why do you never wash your hands properly?’ ‘Why can’t you just get on with things?’ ‘You can’t be that sick. Stop complaining!’”
“Underneath it all, he was annoyed because his routine had to change, and suddenly he realized that I was paying her more attention than I was paying him; he hated that. What could I do? Our child was unwell. She needed someone to care for her and it was obvious he wasn’t going to be that parent.”
That’s it, right there, isn’t it? A child whose fever became the world’s biggest inconvenience to the narcissist, and who is made to feel bad for feeling bad.
I can’t imagine for one second being this way with my child, yet narcissists worldwide play by this same, crazy playbook.
2The narcissistic parent who minimizes everything
See alsoWhat a Narcissistic Parent Wants From Their Child at Every Stage of Life
“He’s really sick. Last night, he…” “I don’t want to hear this. Kids are sick all the time. He has to learn to get on with it. He will be fine tomorrow like he was fine yesterday.”
Okay, Dr. Toxic. Whatever you say.
No loving parent would dismiss their child’s illness like this, would they? All the narcissistic parents revert to this tactic because they just don’t want to have to deal with any of it.
Ultimately, you’re looking at someone who sounds off dismissively just because they’re too self-involved to ever think that someone else could be more ‘anything’ than they are. Nobody is allowed to be worse off; the narcissist is the victim and nobody else is allowed a look in.
Comments like the one I made above show just how unbothered the narcissist sounds while under the guise of wanting to sound reasonable.
This has nothing to do with comfort, which is probably what hurts the most, as you, the other parent, have to hear it.
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
On top of that, the narcissist wants you to think you’re overreacting. You’re told to just leave it and stop making a fuss, when you know intuitively that something is wrong.
A narcissist won’t stop being a narcissist just because their child is sick.
3Where did they go…?
“Hello…?”
You may as well put out an SOS because the narcissist is nowhere to be seen. Funny that, isn’t it? They’re around, bothering you and following you around the house like a virus all the time, but as soon as your child is sick, they disappear faster than lightning.
They never leave in this way in a dramatic sense, in fact, the quieter they move away from it, the better. That way you can’t call them back and ask them to actually participate or help you in looking after the child you had together.
“I have a work thing!” “My friend really needs me.” “I’ve got to take the car in for a tyre change.” “I wanted to get to the gym as I missed out yesterday.”
All things that, on their own, sound fairly reasonable. When your child is sick though, these are errands that can wait. The urgency is down to the fact that the narcissist literally can’t wait to get away from you and your requests for help, even your child’s request for help.
For me, the weirdest thing is having the kind of gut reaction that pulls you away from those you love who need you, but seeing as we’re talking about narcissists:
See alsoYou Deserve Answers to These 12 Questions. The Narcissist Will Never Give Them.
They don’t love anyone.
That’s probably why they find it so easy to dash off.
4You’re promoted to nurse (on top of every other role they make you play)
All of the caregiving lands on you, but you know that already, don’t you? That’s why you’re currently sitting here, still tired from it all.
You dealt with the medication, the school calls, doctor visits, cuddles on the couch, and everything else you can think of.
Who put you in charge? You don’t think anything of it because you know they’re your children and you want to look after them, but make no mistake; you’re alone.
The narcissist will watch on and almost tut that you’re making a fuss, or that you’re too ‘busy’ taking your child to their asthma appointment to spend time with them.
Hello?!
A sick child is nothing to a narcissistic parent. They don’t get anything from a child who is too unwell to even hold a proper conversation. There’s no attention on them, just the child who is being sick, or running a fever.
This is a major inconvenience according to them, and why they steer clear every time they may be needed or asked to help.
Why should any parent ask the other for help?!
5Online these people are angelic parents
Social media will lie for anyone. Honestly, it is a fabulous tool, yet a smokescreen for whatever you want it to be.
We can all go online now and tell people we won the lottery. We can tag ourselves anywhere. We can share any news we want, and none of it has to be remotely true.
Narcissistic parents will do the same, updating people on how they’ve been caring for their sick child and making it appear that they’re the most loving, caring parent in the world.
See also10 Ways Narcissists Sabotage Themselves
Comments start coming in, and likes appear.
“You’re such a kind parent.” “They’re lucky to have you!”
Meanwhile you are in the next room exhausted because you’ve been up all night doing the actual caretaking.
6The narcissist makes their child feel it
Kids always pick up on their narcissistic parents eventually. If your child is sick and they reach out to a cold parent, they will know something isn’t right.
“Stop fussing.” “You’ll be fine tomorrow.”
Dismissal kicks in, and those children will learn that it’s not okay to not be okay around this parent.
No child should ever feel unsafe, simply because their parent is too stuck in their egotistical ways.
A sick child should never feel like a burden.
See alsoTHIS is What Makes Narcissists
7You try to talk about it later, but the narcissist does this
“Why am I always the bad guy?” “God, I can never seem to do anything right by you, can I?”
You say sorry for trying to get your point across, and the narcissistic parent you share a child with gets away with it…
…Again.
You’re not imagining it. You’re living it, even after the fever breaks.
