If you’re being abused by the narcissist and they’re picking their next argument with you, I know how grateful you as the victim feel for the small graces that being able to walk away gives.
They say or do something, and you see a route out to breathe, and that’s good as long as the way out exists.
What if it doesn’t?
What if you are in any of these 5 places, and you are unable to just get up and escape?
I feel your pain. This is exactly why a narcissist will pick fights at these places, and why you need to be ready for when it happens.
1That good old family dinner
Hands up who has experienced one of those ‘can’t avoid’ family dinners with a narcissist?
This doesn’t have to be a partner, a sister, a father, or any other family member, but equally, it can be any of those people and the feeling is still the same: hell.
Family dinners are supposed to be a good opportunity to sit and catch up on everything. You enjoy it, make the most of seeing the people you love, and having a generally wonderful time.
We all know where there is a narcissist, there is no normality. The narcissist knows you can’t just get up and walk away, and so they use a family meal as the best place to start picking at you.
“Even here you can’t help yourself, can you?” “You pick the best places to make drama.” “You always do this.”
You look mortified; you didn’t do anything wrong.
See also8 Ways Narcissists Punish You for Making Them Angry
That doesn’t stop every single person at the table turning their heads and looking at you, waiting to see what happens next. They’re looking for what you did wrong, and they’re anticipating your reaction.
You feel stuck. You can’t make a scene because then it’s as if you’re playing directly into the narcissist’s hands. You want to speak up, because you’re innocent and you want to defend yourself.
You smile, handing the narcissist the win, and they soak it up like it’s the best thing ever.
This is why family gatherings are perfect. Not only do they get that moment, they get to plant the seed for everyone to walk away talking about you and wondering what your mental state is.
Suddenly, that family dinner is the worst place you can think of to be, and you just want to go home.
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
The problem is, you haven’t even finished your starter.
2You’re in the car, and you can’t get out of the journey
Cars! Come on, who hears this?!
“Cars are the worst place to be with the narcissist. I have lost count of the amount of times I was stuck in one with my ex husband. He used to pull away and lock the doors, and that’s when he would start yelling, complaining, criticizing. I’d sit there, I mean, what choice did I have? The length of the journey was spent with him just shouting at me like I was the most terrible person, and he’d bring up old arguments or issues that he felt like making relevant all over again. I couldn’t breathe.”
A testament from a client who, by her own admission, had absolutely nowhere to go once she got into that car with her ex.
I know so many of you can imagine it because it’s actually been your reality, but it’s got to hurt, right?
At home, you can at least excuse yourself and leave the room when you want, but when you’re in a car, that argument is coming for you whether you like it or not.
3Right before you go to an important event or appointment
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Right before you walk into that important meeting, job interview, health appointment, or birthday party, the narcissist will let you know that you should be on edge the whole time.
“I’m going to pull you up on this later because I’m not happy.” “Just know that I’m so hurt by you right now.” “Don’t think because you have to go here that you get out of this conversation.”
The narcissist has you right where they want you, and the seed of worry has been planted. Meanwhile, you’re heading into this huge thing, whatever it may be, with your head anywhere but where it should be.
Overtly, they will tell you they’ve done nothing wrong, but we all know this isn’t as clear cut as that.
Your focus has been lost, and the narcissist knows it.
It’s unfair on you to say the least, as you’re left not even being able to concentrate on something you’ve probably been waiting weeks for, and the narcissist is aware of how and why they’ve done this.
Fight started, and you have to suffer trying to juggle that plus whatever else it is you have going on.
4In front of people or in public
People have to be there whether you know them or not, and that’s exactly the kind of busy place a narcissist will love to catch you and start a fight.
Restaurants, stores, a street, a party; anywhere you are where there is a vibe, you can bet you’re going to get caught up in something that won’t be your fault.
The narcissist during these moments will lower their voice right at the volume you can hear and nobody else can. They want your reaction to be far more public than the words they speak, and then you’re the one left flustered, looking like a fool.
“You’ve been embarrassing me every minute of this evening.” “Stop trying to pretend to be everyone’s friend.” “You’re making a total fool of yourself.”
You can almost hear the gritted teeth, can’t you?
See alsoWhat Narcissists Fear When They Are Alone at Night
The narcissist will turn their back on you and look completely calm, meanwhile there you stand, eyes wide open, forgetting your own name.
It’s all done by design so that there is a clear contrast which works in their favor.
5As you’re crawling into bed at the end of an exhausting day
The worst time of the day for any argument has to be right before bed, and that’s down to the fact that, well, what other choice do you have, not go to bed?
The narcissist would love to see you up all night frantically worried about what is going on, and on edge from the yelling and accusations. That’s why catching you right before you step into your bed is the best time for them:
No escape, no energy.
They have you right where they want you; tired and confused. You say anything to agree with them, even if it means admitting things you haven’t even done.
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“It’s like you don’t even love me any more.” “I just feel like you’re creating a distance between us.”
You’re looking around thinking, “What the…”
“It’s fine, whatever. Just go to sleep.”
You can’t do that though, can you? You’re wide awake wondering what vibes you gave off for the narcissist to get it so wrong.
This is not a coincidence: this is torture.
