Who doesn't love an empath?! There is a special version of these kinds of people the narcissist never sees coming. I don't want to talk about the sensitivity that the narcissist takes advantage of, of the times you ask for an explanation only to be yelled at.
I want to delve more into that calm, collected empath. The one who figures the narcissist out, and who does not back down from what they think, feel, or believe. As for the narcissist? They had it coming!
This is the empath who reads people the way most of us read the weather. Quietly, accurately, without needing to say a word about it.
1 The mistake the narcissist makes is thinking disrespecting an empath works
Narcissists are great at picking an empath on purpose. I personally think these are people who are so cold and calculated that they pick the warmth of an empath, and note their patience and drive to always see the best in everyone.
For the narcissist, this is golden, because they can essentially be whoever they want to be, and they know the empath will likely always give them the benefit of the doubt.
There's something the narcissist doesn't really see when they get involved with an empath though, and that is how deeply they can all feel. With that in mind, think about all the smarter empaths; the ones who watch everything closely, including how the narcissist is on a daily basis.
Empaths like this will not let a single thing drop, and if you're faced with someone who doesn't forget a thing, you're faced with someone who can very quickly add together what they see and compute it in a way that's factual, not distorted in any way.
I had a client tell me she kept a mental log of every contradiction her ex spoke, going back months. When she finally laid it out, he had nothing.
2 The game turns on its head: Here's that magical moment
Empaths all have the ability to get to that point, but the question is, do they? The answer is no, but for those empaths out there who hold an extra layer of smartness, there is this specific moment they reach where they stop explaining themselves.
That in itself spells danger for the narcissist, but on top of not explaining themselves, the narcissist also starts to observe.
Watching less than they speak; now that is a power that will change everything moving forward, and it won't be loud, after all, these things never are where empaths are concerned.
It'll look like a moment that has zero drama attached to it, or a small decision they make internally that will change the course of the relationship. I see you, and I see what you're doing. There, that's the moment.
It's what I like to call the point of no return for the empath, because you do get to this stage and you can't go back; you can't swap your knowledge for that non-knowledge you had before.
From then on, every single time the narcissist tries to manipulate the empath, the empath is going to notice it. When they try to make the empath feel guilty, it just lands on ears that are unwilling to absorb it.
Any charm you once fell for just sits there and ends up being hollow. The best part of it is, any silent treatment you get is actually quite nice rather than as terrifying as it once would have been. The narcissist is still doing what they do.
For them, it's business as usual, but there's still time before they notice the shift in the empath. As it stands, the game is the game, and they are blissfully unaware that the empath has just read their entire playbook.
And you know what the empath is doing during all that quiet? Watching. Cataloguing. Matching the words to the actions. The narcissist is talking to a stenographer now.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseSoon enough, that will become very apparent, believe me.
3 "Smarter than their manipulation" explained
The empath is smarter than the narcissist's manipulation. Let me tell you what I mean by that. They aren't interested in getting revenge on someone in the most obvious of ways.
Anyone silly enough to go head to head with a narcissist is going to lose, but if you're smart enough? Oh boy. The sky is the limit. Revenge therefore, can look a little like pulling back on confrontations, it can mean the empath learns to not overexplain ever again.
They give short answers where they once would've done what it takes to be seen and heard. To be smarter than the narcissist's manipulation means to stop biting the narcissist's bait because let's be honest here, all narcissists speak in order to spark a reaction from their audience.
The key here is to be neutral and calm, so the narcissist doesn't have anything to bite back with.
The trouble with anyone who is with a narcissist is that they try to constantly look for ways to help the narcissist be a better person, and it can get very tiring very quickly. At some point, that hope will leave the empath, because they know it'll never happen.
Then it becomes about the energy, whatever energy the empath has, being protected. They finally realize how valuable it is, and they don't want to lose any more of it than they perhaps already have.
Sound familiar? That shift from fixing them to protecting yourself is where everything changes. You stop pouring into a cracked cup and start pouring into your own.
4 The narcissist didn't see it coming
No narcissist will see this coming. They're just so used to having things go one way; their way. Once those changes are spotted, the narcissist will be shocked, trying to convince the empath that they've changed or are being cold in some way.
The naiveness doesn't come from being weak, and that's what the narcissist will be unable to get their head around. Instead, it comes from believing everyone has good intentions, and trying to see the best in someone who is toxic and cruel.
There's no fault in that, it's just who an empath fundamentally is. Let's not confuse being kind with being gullible, though.
When the empath sees the narcissist and all the ways they've tried to manipulate in the past, the narcissist will lose probably the best source of supply they ever had. I don't even know who you are any more. That's a pretty good thing, right?
The narcissist doesn't see it coming because they're too busy focusing on their ego.
Then comes the panic line. "Why are you being like this? You've become so cold." Translation: I can't reach you any more, and it's terrifying me.
5 The narcissist disrespected you, and dug their own hole
It's a big hole, right? I mean, the narcissist doesn't even realize they're digging it all the time they mess with an empath who is smarter than their manipulation could ever be.
For so long, they'll have dismissed the empath's feelings, but that will turn out to be a huge mistake.
For all those sly looks over the dinner table, the criticism, the underestimation of that person; it will all be a building folder of evidence the empath collects, that will show them the truth when the picture is made.
Empaths who are smart like this don't simply survive, they actually learn to walk away knowing exactly what happened, and what they went through. More importantly, they know who caused it. Living a life where you know your past wasn't your fault is imperative for real healing.
Somewhere along the line in the future, the narcissist will stop and wonder what on earth went so wrong, and I'd say the answer was clear:
The narcissist disrespected someone who turned out to be very smart, paying close attention to the abuse.
Every eye roll, every backhanded comment, every time they said "I was only joking." All of it filed away. The empath doesn't forget, they just wait.
That is something the narcissist will never anticipate.
6 What The Smart Empath Stops Doing Overnight
Overnight is a strong word, and yet, it really does happen that quickly once the penny drops. The smart empath stops answering messages the second they arrive. That instant reply the narcissist relied on? Gone.
They stop asking permission for things they never needed permission for in the first place, like seeing a friend or spending money on themselves.
They stop justifying their mood. If they're quiet, they're quiet, and no long explanation follows. They stop apologising for things that weren't theirs to apologise for. That alone throws the narcissist completely, because half of the dynamic ran on those unnecessary sorries.
They stop sharing wins. The promotion, the new friendship, the small joys, all kept close to the chest now. Why hand ammunition to someone who's only going to use it against them later?
And the biggest one? They stop hoping. Hope was the fuel keeping the whole thing going, and once the empath quietly sets it down, there's nothing left for the narcissist to work with.
7 The Narcissist's Panic Mode: Bring Out the Flying Monkeys
When the narcissist realizes they can't reach you anymore, they don't just give up and walk off into the sunset. No, they call in reinforcements. The flying monkeys.
Suddenly your phone starts lighting up with messages from mutual friends, family members, even that one distant cousin you haven't spoken to in years. "They're really struggling, you know." "You've changed, and not in a good way." "Just hear them out."
The narcissist has gone off and spun a version of events where they are the wounded party and you are the villain who went cold for no reason. It's all part of the panic. They can't control you directly anymore, so they're trying to control you through everyone else.
The smart empath sees this from a mile off. They don't argue with the monkeys, they don't send long messages explaining their side. They just quietly note who chose to deliver the narcissist's script without ever asking them how they're doing.
That tells them everything about who was really in their corner.
