Watch what happens when your back is turned, because I guarantee you are not living the peaceful life you think you are with the narcissist around.
Without your knowledge, the narcissist will be telling everyone 6 lies about you, and these lies aren't pretty.
They're designed to make you look like the bad guy; the one who makes everyone feel sympathy for the narcissist instead of you.
If you think that's unfair, I challenge you to read on, because knowing what's being spread about you is just the beginning of a very strong vendetta to tear down your reputation.
And it starts now.
1You're painted as the unstable one
Usually the lie the narcissist starts off with, because they really want to offer the impression that you are a loose cannon.
"You have no idea how unstable they are!"
You could say that about the narcissist, and you'd be telling the truth, but for everyone out there listening and watching, the narcissist's audience, they hear the narcissist's version.
Before you wonder, "Why would they say this about me? I'm the most stable person I know!", let me tell you about a client of mine.
She says, "My ex husband used to tell people that I struggle, and that he tries to help me, but I won't listen. I only know because someone came to me and told me, and then another person did. Soon enough, I realized they wanted to make me out to be that way so if I were to ever disclose the abuse, I'd not be believed."
And that's the key: the narcissist wants everyone to watch you closely so nobody is watching them. They're waiting for you to crack so they can say, "I see what you mean" to the person who is causing all the drama and issues.
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It takes a tremendous amount of effort to get this right, but because a narcissist is so insistent that this is the narrative, they will take all the time in the world to get people to watch you.
2How controlling and jealous you are
The irony that you should be the one who is controlling and jealous is not lost on me, and it shouldn't be lost on you, either.
You've been with someone who placed a role upon themselves to destroy you, ruin your confidence and isolate you from everyone you know over time. The narcissist's ability to create drama left you heavy and pained, yet you enter a room full of people who've been told it's you who was the culprit.
"I can't go anywhere without them making a big deal about it." "They're always checking up on me. To be honest, it's suffocating."
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
It works all the time because the narcissist is the one who says it first. It's what makes people view you as someone who isn't capable of a real, adult relationship, and who is majorly insecure with the person you claim to love.
It can't be outdone once it's been put into the world, and the saddest part is you trying to constantly explain yourself to people who have already made their minds up about you.
The narcissist is so insecure with themselves that they have to rid themselves of how they regularly feel, and what better way than to blame you for everything?
This is much easier for them than holding themselves accountable for all the times they keep tabs on you, check up where you've been, and hound you until you do as they say.
3That you're the abusive one
Why is this one of the biggest lies a narcissist says about you behind your back?
Because if you're the abusive one, they get to fit into the role of victim with everybody.
The narcissist truly knows what they're doing, and it's times like this you need to pay close attention because you will be written as the bad guy in their story.
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It's insulting because you know you're not, and everything points to the narcissist's treatment of you as nothing short of hellish. Your whole system and brain has been rewired by their daily attacks on you, yet you are the one spoken about as if you're terrible.
It's enough to knock the wind out of you, and I totally get it.
This is the kind of smear campaign I'm afraid runs so deep that people will believe it.
If someone told you they are being abused, you'd not want to not believe them, right?
That's exactly why this works.
4You don't have any friends because of how you behave
The isolation you feel when you're with a narcissist is deliberate, and down to the fact that they want you feeling like there's nobody else to turn to, except them.
Cold, cruel, and calculated, the narcissist will pick apart your social circle, and one by one, ensure that for some reason, you don't speak with them or see them like you used to.
When you come home happy after a dinner date with your sister, the narcissist will find a way to sulk about it, subconsciously making you feel guilty. It programs you over time to do those things less, so you see less sulking when you walk through the door.
Soon enough, the narcissist tells people, "They just don't bother with people any more, and I find it really sad. I do try to encourage them, but they aren't interested in seeing anyone."
You see how that's been flipped?
This is not an accident.
5You compulsively lie
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"Honestly, take what they say with a grain of salt." "They do like to exaggerate the truth." "As much as I love and care about them, they aren't always keen on telling the truth."
You don't know these things are being said about you, but trust me, they are.
As you go about your day trying to be a good person, you'll be perceived as someone who cannot help but lie their way through life.
If the heat is on you, it's not on the narcissist.
It also means if you ever speak up about their abuse of you, nobody is likely to believe a word you say because they've been manipulated to believe that all you ever say is lies.
6That you're lucky to have them in your life at all
"I just do everything I can to make sure they're happy." "I really want the best for them." "All I want to see is a smile on their face."
People will watch the narcissist perform these little speeches and think, "Wow. This person is so lucky to have them in their life."
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If only they knew the truth!
You're at home losing your mind with all the abuse, and the narcissist is painting the picture that you're so blessed to be able to have such a loving and caring partner.
Make it make sense?!
Behind your back, so many things are going on, and you are hopefully now starting to have half an idea of the lies the narcissist is capable of telling people.
As long as they're safe, that's all that matters.
