It’s easy to think that laziness comes from you, and that laziness is even what this is. There you go, blaming yourself when the bigger picture changes the culprit extensively.
The person you love (or loved) was a narcissist, and their abusive campaign to take you down and strip you of all life has been a success.
You’re left with a hollow shell; you’re not just physically drained, you’re mentally drained, and these 6 signs are proof of that.
1You spend more time in a daze looking at what needs doing rather than doing it because the energy just isn’t there
The house is a mess, the sink is full of dishes, the laundry basket is overflowing. You note it all with a tired mind, but that’s as far as it goes.
You just don’t have the energy, and you know if the house isn’t tidy by the time the narcissist comes home from a hard day working, you’ll be made to feel bad.
“What have you been doing all day?” “Wow, are you taking an errand vacation?” “Nice to see someone has relaxed today.”
The problem is, you haven’t been relaxing. You’ve been procrastinating. You’re so exhausted that you can’t even begin to know where to start, and before you know it, the whole day has gone by and you’ve got nothing done.
This isn’t your fault. Narcissistic abuse does that to every person who receives it. You’re convinced you have some kind of virus, or that you're fighting a bug, but actually the only bug is the one you live with.
2You feel guilty about resting even though it’s the number one thing you need
Knowing the narcissist as well as you do, you know they can't walk in to find you doing nothing. On so many occasions they have, and have made you feel guilty for doing something they themselves do. You’d never dream of guilt-tripping them if they’re sitting down, or taking a bath, or reading a book.
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There you are though, fighting the urge to flick the kettle on and take a break because that inner voice kicks in.
“You have got so much to do.” “You’re the laziest person I know.” “I can’t believe you are just happy to do nothing all the time.”
You’re not happy, but you do, like everyone, need a break from time to time, and you shouldn’t be blamed or shamed for it.
Rest is the number one thing people who are drained of all life need, and not just an hour here or there (although it’s a good place to start).
Rest needs to be a permanent addition to each day if you want to start finding some balance in your life again, and when you’re prevented from doing so, you’re being pushed even further to your limits.
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It won’t be long until you fully break down if that’s the case, and you don’t want that, do you?
I’ll tell you one person who wants it:
The narcissist.
They’d love to see you hit rock bottom so they can blame you for doing too much.
The irony isn’t lost on these toxic people, that’s for sure. Whatever you do, you’re in the wrong.
3You get overwhelmed really easily
It’s no wonder. With having to deal with so much during any normal day, your mind isn’t going to settle into any task or errand easily.
On top of that, you're dealing with someone who has made you believe that you can’t answer a simple question without overthinking, and overanalyzing your answer because, well, what if you’re wrong? What if you’re ridiculed? What if you say something stupid?
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It’s a classic move of narcissists to make people feel this way, and your overwhelm comes from them telling you that you’re not capable enough.
That doesn’t mean you’re lazy though, does it? If anything, your overwhelm is a sign you’ve been dealing with so much, you don’t know where to even begin.
Being drained, as is with any form of fatigue, you’re not going to be fired up ready to roll in a way others might expect you to, and that’s down to not being drained just for one afternoon or day, but constantly feeling like you’re sludging through thick mud just to make it to the end of that day.
It’s all the time.
4You don’t get excited about the things you love any more because all your attention goes to simply surviving
When it’s freezing, our bodies divert the heat away from our extremities in order to keep our vital organs warm and functioning. This is the emotional equivalent of that; you can’t focus or feel warmth about anything you love because all your attention has turned to survival.
Hobbies fall back, your passion or drive for your job ceases to exist, and you have no idea when the last time you properly laughed even was.
I’m sad to say this won’t go away all the while you’re with the narcissist, in fact, I’d say it only serves to get much worse the more time passes.
You’ll be so focused on saying or doing the right thing that you won’t even be fazed by your favorite show returning on TV, or your friends inviting you out for lunch. How are people even thinking of these things? For you, you’re just trying not to cause an argument.
That in itself feels near impossible because you’ve become someone you don’t even recognize.
5You cannot escape the mental fog and physical heaviness that you are carrying
You wonder if it’s your age, or any hormonal changes you might be going through. You sometimes laugh it off because you forget, or you never feel fully awake.
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There’s a reason why that’s the case, and it isn’t any of the above:
It’s the narcissistic abuse you’ve been enduring.
Everything feels foggy, and that’s because the abuse itself feels like such a whirlwind you don’t even know one day from the next.
How is this possible? How did you get here?
Narcissistic abuse is slow and intentional; but trust me, it’s very real. Over time, you transition from someone you recognize when you look in the mirror, to someone you don't even remember turning into.
The fog is what pushes you there; almost as if you’re unaware that transition is happening.
Narcissists are cruel, and this, I think, is the worst part of it all.
6You put everything important off because you’re so used to putting others first
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Everyone must come first, right? That’s the way it goes with you. You have to make sure everyone else is okay because:
You’re made to feel bad if you don’t. You’re taught you don’t matter. You’re told you’re unlovable, so you think self-care is a waste of time.
Again, this is typical of a narcissist. They want everything to revolve around them, and if you do as they say and bend over backward to offer them attention, admiration, validation and reassurance, you’re plumping their ego while draining your own pool of health.
You aren’t lazy; you’re being used.
