Being in a car with the narcissist and not being the driver heaps you into a whole world of unhappiness and pain.
Having an argument in a piece of moving metal means you have no way to escape, no way to calm the situation, and no control over what happens next.
The narcissist will believe the accelerator pedal is the most perfect tool to use against you, and trust me, they will press in and make your anxiety skyrocket.
One minute everything's okay, the next, you're gripping hold of the door handle and wondering when you will be able to get out.
There is a reason why the narcissist behaves this way during these particular moments. Today we discuss that.
1Driving like this can be the most intimidating thing
Have you ever been in a car with a narcissist? Have you ever seen them wild with rage while you're clinging on for dear life in the passenger seat?
Narcissists infamously drive with such a huge level of aggression after an argument that they purposely (and yes, it is purposely) create the kind of atmosphere that you learn to fear and want to avoid.
Expect the narcissist to:
- Speed up.
- Sharply brake.
- Cut into corners far too quickly.
- Tailgate any other driver they happen to be driving behind.
- Drive even faster when you specifically ask them to slow down.
It's no surprise that people feel physically unsafe in these situations; I would, too. They will say things like:
- "What are you talking about?"
- "Why are you being so sensitive?"
- "I'm just driving."
- "Nothing to see here."
You know they aren't having a bad day; you know they're doing all they can to get under your skin and make you feel intimidated by any move they make.
Remember here that timing matters. They just happen to be driving. They know where to get you feeling your most afraid. The timing matters.
See also8 Things That Make Narcissists Nervous
2Punishing you? The narcissist will certainly try hard!
The narcissist will try so hard to punish you. They don't just have one particular way they do it; they do it however they see fit. The best and most efficient way is when they're driving, and they learn quickly that it works.
A narcissist is always going to be the type of person who wants to directly express their anger, so they use whatever behavior they see fit in order to make that happen.
And yes, it's you who always loses out and gets hit in the face with it.
As arguments end, they don't dissipate. As they get left stuck in the air, they're managed carefully and pre-emptively by the way they then drive with you in the car.
See also5 Passive Aggressive Tactics Narcissists Use That You'd Never Recognize As Abuse
Punishment begins, silence erupts like it's the loudest thing, doors slam and you're in the car. You're locked in for the ride, and it begins.
They start to drive as if they're the brand new driver for F1.
There is an underlying message here:
"You may have upset me, but now I'm going to use what you said or did to make you feel terrified."
Concerning, right? You're in a car. Anything can happen.
The narcissist responds to your fear with even more fear-inducing behavior.
3If you dare speak up, the narcissist will turn it into a problem
We all know how much a narcissist loves a problem, don't we? Manipulation opportunities thrive for a narcissist when they are in the driver's seat, and things can get even more problematic when you dare to speak up.
See alsoEmpaths Struggle To Let Go Of Narcissists For This One Painful Reason
You feel you should, after all, you have a voice. You challenge the narcissist, and you've every right to if you're unhappy about something.
Maybe you even said no. Perhaps you went as far as telling them their behavior wasn't acceptable.
A narcissist won't discuss it, least of all while they're in this much control. They've got the power to turn any car ride into a ride from hell, and if you were to use your voice, you'll be immediately punished for it.
The narcissist will take out their anger on the car, driving erratically just to put you back in your place, make you apologize, tell them to slow down; whatever it takes for you to literally beg them.
Whatever your problem originally was? That's way out of your mind now, as all you're thinking about is trying to stay calm and avoid further consequences.
4Regaining control over you and everything else
Narcissistic behavior often involves the narcissist having a strong and urgent need to maintain control of the emotions in whatever environment they're in.
If you're with them, and you're disagreeing with them, the narcissist isn't able to just accept that and shut off from it. They can't control your feelings, so they force themselves to control them.
Driving aggressively is how they do that. They want you to feel fear, so they act in a way that produces it.
As unsettling as it is for you, the narcissist knows exactly what they're doing and how to get you to suddenly get back under their control, and everything else, too.
I mean, there's nothing you can control in this situation, right? You can't apply the brakes, you can't shift the mood, you can't pull the car over.
5"Look at how angry I can be if you mess with me!"
The car was not an extension of the narcissist's emotional state, but it becomes so the second they start driving like a maniac.
See also12 Things Narcissists Commonly Do in Their Free Time
Have you ever been in a car with a narcissist like this? How did you feel? How long were they driving like it for before they finally pulled over and gave you your breath back?
Everything about a narcissist driving this way screams, "I am so angry!"
I ask you though: is being angry an excuse to put someone else in danger?
I know the answer to that, and so do you, but a narcissist doesn't have that thought process. At that time, they're only interested in making you feel scared and causing you to regret your decision (however innocent it was) to anger them.
Remember, just because a narcissist is angry, doesn't mean you did anything wrong.
6Are you likely to challenge the narcissist in the car?
You're the narcissist's audience, especially in the car. Knowing this may be the main reason why they behave this way at all.
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
Sitting in that passenger seat means you're unable to walk away when you want to, and like you would at home. None of this is your fault though.
As much as the narcissist shouts, rages, hollers, accuses you, or is aggressive; this is not a you problem.
The physical distance you're wanting is impossible to obtain during moments like this, and I honestly think this is what plays a big part in their power trip.
No narcissist can live without an argument, and when you're in that car with them, you're giving them everything they ever wanted all in one go.
This is why they love to be in the car with you, and why you dread it so much.
