Cars and narcissists, oh man, they do not go well together. There should be a law that prevents all narcissists from driving, but alas, we live in a world where they get in cars, and make your life hell in the process.

They don't get what they want, and the narcissist will pick up their keys and take it out on the entire journey, with you sitting right next to them. What does that look like?

Some of you sadly know, but for those who want to clue up, getting from A to B with them at the wheel is far from a nice experience.

You know the moment the keys jangle, don't you? Your whole body tenses because you already know what the next twenty minutes are going to feel like.

1 It's never just about getting behind the wheel

Listen, I'll start this by saying it's not the car's fault. You learn over time to dread the car, but it really is the vessel the narcissist chooses to be their most abusive in. Bad drives also exist: newsflash. They exist everywhere.

Stressed people get behind the wheel every day, and those who are tired do, too. You might have had one of the worst days of your life, and you have to drive home in it. I'm not talking about any of this.

I'm not talking about the ordinary person living a life that is less than ideal, with a car involved. Angry narcissists are bad enough as it is, let alone the kind who hop in the car and start driving. It's totally different, and worrying.

The narcissist is aware that you're sitting right next to them, but that doesn't stop them from knowing they've got the perfect moment to start manipulating and intimidating you in a place where you cannot readily escape.

Going 80 down the freeway does not mean you can just leave the car and find your own way home. This bodes well for the angry narcissist, who takes every corner more sharply.

They accelerate after the lights at a speed you find yourself grabbing the dashboard to steady yourself with. They're counting on you to show ways in which you're scared, fearful of what's going to be said or done next.

You just want the car to stop, but it keeps going, just like the narcissist's anger. I completely understand why this would be terrifying for you, and it happens to many victims out there.

Someone told me once that she used to fake needing the bathroom just to make him pull over, because it was the only way she could catch her breath.

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2 The message for you is clear, and it's this…

The message the narcissist wants you to receive is that they are in charge, and in control, and you're not. You said something they didn't like, or you didn't agree with what they said earlier in the evening.

Perhaps they saw you speaking to someone they don't get along with, or you asked a question they couldn't answer, and it embarrassed them.

All of these things should not warrant anyone to get behind a wheel and assert their power and control over you by scaring you in an instant. I don't care who you are; it's not cool.

You're there on a busy stretch of the road, and the narcissist is so angry that they're tailgating the person in front, weaving left and right to try to make them as intimidated as you are. Lucky for them, they can at least get away.

The narcissist will cut across several lanes just to overtake a bunch of other vehicles. They won't signal. They hit the brake and you gasp. The music goes up and they bang along to it on the steering wheel as you watch on, unable to do a thing about it.

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The whole time: silence toward you. You're left with the anxious ball stuck in your stomach, and it's rising quickly to your chest. The car is telling you everything you need to know about the situation, and how it's being treated and driven.

And the worst part? Anyone glancing over from the next lane just sees a car going a bit fast. They don't see the punishment happening inside it.

3 I want to translate that message for you right now

That knot in your stomach? It's a big and powerful message that many just interpret as a consequence of sharing a car with an angry narcissist, but I want to dive into that a little more. I want you to make sense of it before it eats you alive.

The driving? The erratic, fast, swerving experience you have to endure sitting next to them? That's communicating a lot to you that I need you to start understanding. It's saying:

Look what you did! You caused this. You made me do this. You should've kept the thoughts to yourself. You should've known better. Now you can sit there and feel how I feel for once. You can go through this because it's what you deserve.

The car doesn't shout at you, and it doesn't argue. It's being controlled and steered and driven by someone who has full control of it. Do you see where I'm going with this?

The narcissist feels angry because something put a dent in the control they're obsessed with having, and now you have to witness them overcompensating for that lack of control by driving angry. You are naturally feeling less than ideal, and the message is that you cannot leave that.

It's desperate from the narcissist. They love to grab anything they can control, and you're trapped in this moving, likely speeding vehicle that you're never going to escape unless the narcissist decides to stop. The car is being used to punish you.

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It's a very cowardly way to communicate anger, when you really think about it. No words, no accountability, just a foot pressing harder on the accelerator.

4 "What's your problem? Stop being so dramatic"

I'm just driving! That's what you'll hear, and it isn't fair. Stop making this a big deal. Calm down. Stop being pathetic. I always drive like this.

Even during high times of stress, you're still being taught that you're behaving terribly, even though you're responding very naturally to a moment of strong conflict. Right there, you're managing your fear at the same time you're being told that very fear is a huge problem.

That's a trap you will hate to be in, and I totally understand that.

And notice they never say, "I can see this is scaring you, let me slow down." That sentence doesn't exist in their vocabulary. It never will.

5 The car is where it all begins

It's the same kind of pattern you see showing up regularly, isn't it? There's this kind of aggressive energy that I know you deal with on a daily basis, and that is always what you're blamed for, and the narcissist steps away from it.

If you dare close a kitchen drawer too much, or with too much force, you're instantly pulled up on it. If you place your cutlery in the sink too loudly, the same thing happens. You're at fault, you're questioned, and made to feel guilty, or that you're somehow aggressive.

Yet the narcissist can do those things, and they will be just the beginning of what comes next. It's all aimed at you, the very person they oddly chose to be with, and none of it adds up for you.

The rules only ever apply one way in that house. Yours are strict, theirs are nonexistent, and you're the one expected to keep the peace.

6 "Is this just my imagination?"

Don't ask yourself this, not if you want to get out and heal one day. The feeling that you're to blame for this kind of behavior really only comes because you're told so many times that you're the problem.

You grip the door handle to the car, and you think of all the ways you could've prevented this but you're wrong. You were never going to stop this mood, because it was something the narcissist had planned.

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Your instincts were right the whole time. That tight feeling in your chest wasn't overreaction, it was your body reading the room faster than your brain could catch up.

7 The Aftermath When You Finally Park Up

The car finally stops, and you'd think that would be the end of it. It isn't. You get out, legs a bit shaky, and now you have to walk into wherever you're going and act like nothing happened. Maybe it's a family dinner. Maybe it's your own front door.

Either way, the narcissist gets out and slams the door, or worse, gets out casually like they've just been on a lovely Sunday drive. You're the one still trembling. You're the one who has to pretend everything is fine when the host asks how the journey was.

And there's that horrible internal shift where you have to reset your face, swallow the adrenaline, and pretend you're the same person who left the house an hour ago. Nobody sees what happened in that car.

Nobody knows why you're a little quieter over dinner, why you push food around your plate. The drive ends but the feeling doesn't, and you carry it into every room you walk into for the rest of the night.

8 Why Passengers Never Get an Apology

Have you ever noticed how the second you both step out of the car, the narcissist acts like nothing happened? No, "I'm sorry I scared you back there." No, "That was too much, I shouldn't have driven like that." Nothing.

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Silence, or worse, a chirpy comment about what's for dinner while your legs are still shaking.

Passengers never get an apology because in the narcissist's mind, there's nothing to apologise for. You caused it. You provoked it. The drive was your consequence, not their behaviour. Why on earth would they apologise for something you brought on yourself?

That's the logic they're living in, and it's twisted.

An apology would mean accountability. It would mean admitting they used a two ton machine to punish someone they claim to love. And a narcissist will never willingly hand you that piece of evidence, because you might one day use it to see them for who they really are.

So you get nothing. You climb out, you swallow it down, and you carry that drive with you long after the engine goes quiet.