Although you might look and assume the worst to be over, I want to tell you that the relationship with the narcissist being over may not be the closure you think it is.
They are all walking around with tricks up their sleeves, and this one, I truly believe, is their dirtiest one. Narcissists save this for the end because they know that losing is not something they can do quietly, if at all.
They have to leave that last mark before they finally disappear, and this one is not small. When they know they've lost, you'd better be prepared.
And I mean really prepared. This is not the kind of thing you shrug off over coffee the next morning. It sits with you for a while.
1 Can a narcissist admit when they've lost?
What do you think? That was a total trick question because actually, yes, they can. I know it might surprise you, and it kind of doesn't match with the typical character of a narcissist, but hear me out, and it will all make sense.
We all think narcissists are these deluded aliens that walk among us, and while that might be correct to a point, they can have the ability to see what's coming. When it's like this, you'll find it's usually hard for the narcissist to ignore.
It might be that you stop engaging with them, and it becomes frightfully obvious. Perhaps you found out the truth about them, or you decided to go very quiet and the narcissist straight away picked up on this change.
It's the kind of moment of realization that is going to affect the narcissist; it lands differently. That's because they've gotten so used to you being who you are, that an air of complacency came about them. Soon enough, they want to make sure they get back at you.
What happens next isn't going to be ideal for you, but the more information you're given, the easier it will be to deal with the moment they pull out their dirtiest trick on you.
Because knowing what's coming is half the battle. When you can see the move before they make it, it loses so much of the sting they were counting on.
2 The final move looks like this…
Before we get started, let's talk about what the narcissist knows about you already. After all, I think the answer to that will be what happens next. A narcissist has lost. They're not going to bow out without one final blow though, are they?
So, I ask you what they know about you because every little thing will be used against you. This is a person who has spent years watching you, and testing how far you'll go.
See alsoNarcissists Are Always Watching You And Their Methods Are Creepier Than You Think
They know exactly what triggers you, as much as which buttons to press to get the fattest, strongest, or most tear-inducing reaction. All your insecurities? They will be logged and memorized, ready to be used against you at any time.
You thought you were sharing these with someone you love and trust, but ultimately that was your biggest mistake, and I hope you never make it again with them, or any other toxic person.
Your fears were no longer private the moment you shared them with the narcissist, and now they're about to show you exactly what they're capable of. You're nobody with me. You're nothing. Deep down I think you already know that. Sure, if you want to leave, that's fine.
If you tell people, none of them will believe you. You had everything from me. You won't get that again from anyone else. It all rings through like the world's worst horror movie, doesn't it? Everything is designed to make you feel more alone than you ever thought you'd be.
The narcissist was the one who waited. They loaded up all their weapons with the ammunition that you provided, and now they know they've lost, there's nothing else they have to lose. They're ready to fight.
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
I had someone tell me their ex waited until the very last conversation to bring up something she'd cried about years earlier. That was the parting gift.
3 The cruelest version of them creeps out at the end
Narcissists who have been cornered; let's talk about those for a moment! The mask is already slipping, and the game they've been obsessed with playing has started to fall apart. It's no joke for them; they hate being in this position, hence the dirtiest trick.
This means for you there's no more charming, lovely person who you got to know, and who you believed was real. That charm will disappear in a poof of smoke, and what comes in is someone who is determined to destroy every last good thing you feel about yourself.
They have to take control, and so things get desperate. They can't have you, and when that becomes fact, they make sure they get you so rattled to take one step forward without carrying some of their drama alongside you.
The goal is to keep you carrying their toxicity wherever you go. You might ask why, and here's the answer for you:
A narcissist doesn't have nightmares about losing you. The narcissist has nightmares about you being fine without them. If you're walking off, you're level-headed, you're calm, thinking clearly, and you're healing? Oh boy, that is someone the narcissist cannot mess with.
They don't want to see you this unbothered without some kind of fight, so I don't want you to relax at this point, as you are not out of the woods.
Stay alert. Stay guarded. The narcissist watching you glow up from a distance is the exact moment they reach for the nastiest thing they've been saving.
See alsoWhy Narcissists Become More Controlling as They Age
4 The smear campaign they know will leave a scar
I hate smear campaigns. I guess the people who suffer at the hands of them are designed to; that's the whole point of them. Their aim is to ruin the reputation and image of the person who was actually innocent in all of the abuse, and they work.
People can be talked into believing anything if the person telling the story is convincing enough. The narcissist will carve out a smear campaign that's going to go for the center of your sanity.
They will call your family, contact your boss; whatever it takes to get your reputation torn to shreds. I was covering for them for so long. Ask them about what happened to that project they didn't finish for you. Ask them what they really think of you.
The reason a narcissist will do this is because they want to see you defending yourself quickly and strongly. If you're explaining something, you aren't going to be moving on, are you? You'll end up stuck right there, dealing with the narcissist's drama in a different way.
Sound familiar? That is the trap. Every phone call you make to correct the story is another string they get to tug on while you thought you were free.
5 You weren't supposed to notice!
Most people don't know what this final trick is. Everything feels overwhelming to someone who is already exhausted by their entire narcissistic experience. It's hard.
I don't want you to think that because they treat you this way that it proves they're automatically holding some kind of power over you for the rest of your life; it doesn't work that way.
Your future is determined by whatever and however you choose it to be, and the narcissist knows that deep down.
It's so cruel though, and at the root of that is a person who is trying to hide their fear with their ego, only their ego is so fragile, it never works for long.
It's desperate and ugly, just like the narcissists themselves, and yes, you were supposed to be distracted from this trick, but if you can find it in you to know, you can find it in you to leave and walk away for good.
The trick only works in the dark. Once you can name what they're doing, it stops being a weapon and starts looking like the small, sad move it actually is.
See also The Narcissist Checks If You're Still Obedient Using These 11 Tricks
6 Why the timing of this trick is no accident
Timing is everything for a narcissist, and this trick lands exactly when it does for a reason. They wait until they know you're done. Not sort of done, actually done. Bags packed, mind made up, heart quiet. Why then?
Because any earlier and you might still be swayed by love bombing or apologies. Any later and you're already gone, out of reach, unbothered. So they strike in that tiny window where you can still hear them but you've already decided to leave. That's the sweet spot for maximum damage.
They also wait until they think nobody else is watching. It's calculated. The dirtiest version of them only comes out when the audience is just you, because a public version would ruin the image they've worked years to build.
So they save it for the quiet moments, the last phone call, the doorway conversation, the text at 11pm when your guard is down.
Nothing about the timing is random. It's the last piece of a plan they've been quietly rehearsing the whole time.
7 What to do while they're mid-tantrum
Don't argue back. I know that sounds impossible when they're saying things designed to gut you, but engaging is exactly the fuel they need. Every reply, every defense, every attempt to explain yourself becomes more oxygen on their fire.
See alsoTHIS is What Makes Narcissists
They'll take your words, twist them, and use them in the next round.
So what should you actually do? Get quiet. Get boring. Write down what they're saying if you need a record for later, especially if there are legal matters ahead. Screenshot messages. Save voicemails.
Not because you want to obsess over it, but because your future self might need proof of what happened.
Then physically remove yourself where you can. Go for a walk. Call one person who already knows the situation and will not need the whole backstory explained again. Someone who can just sit with you.
And eat something. Drink water. I know that sounds too simple to matter, but a body running on adrenaline and no food makes worse decisions. The narcissist wants you frantic. Frantic is easier to manipulate than fed and rested.
