A narcissist will throw everything at you, and some people who they aim at will take it all. They will go off and cry in private, or blame themselves for not being good enough.
A narcissist is nobody without that kind of person; they need them in order to feel good and be able to come out looking good after every fall out.
But you know, even a narcissist can get so much wrong, and all it takes is one slight miscalculation and they pick the wrong person.
Here's what that looks like.
1 The narcissist had no idea
Narcissists are always too busy doing what they always do to notice when something isn't about to work in their favor. In the context of people, a narcissist will scope them out and decide whether or not a person seems manageable enough for them.
Do I think this could work? Do they seem like they could be manipulated? Do they tick those boxes?
If the answer to all those questions is yes, the narcissist will quickly get to work. Before you know it, they're running their mouth with the usual lines:
You are so sensitive. Why do you always come at me with your imaginary stories? I do much for you, and this is how you repay me!
It's the usual thing, the same old games, and these moves that have long worked for this person every single time.
This time is different though. This time, the narcissist runs into somebody who doesn't play by their rules, and who messes the game up for them entirely.
None of the narcissist's usual tricks land the same, and the person who should be crumbling by now, isn't even beginning to slightly fold.
2 It all changes right around here…
I think it's amusing that you can literally pinpoint the exact moment a narcissist knows they've run into the wrong person, because there really is nothing subtle or small about their reaction.
You'll see them try harder, a little at first, then more and more over time. The narcissist will soon start to push. They're not getting what they want, so they double down on trying and refuse to give up. Eventually, you'll start to notice any guilt trip that existed before doubling in size. The narcissist wants so hard to gain control over a situation they don't even have a hand in.
Then we have the good old fashioned silent treatment, which usually works like a treat for narcissists.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseThe only problem is, this time, it doesn't work like a treat at all. This time it backfires, because the person on the receiving end is having none of it. They're steady, and they certainly aren't going to chase or beg. Apologizing for things they didn't do isn't on their list either.
A narcissist at this point, will start to panic. They don't really know what to do because they're so used to getting their own way. It's almost as if they want to say, "Hang on a minute. You aren't supposed to be this unbothered."
But they are. This certain type of person will not engage in mind games.
3 This person is different, and here's why
It really depends on what that person has previously been through. Some will have gotten to this point due to experiencing their fair share of toxic people throughout their life. They learned all the tricks early on, and vowed to themselves to never get caught up with anybody like that again.
Others are just wired totally differently. They have boundaries that nobody can negotiate their way over or through, and nothing will change that, not even a large dose of charm or cruelty.
Then there are those who've had a gutful, and they reach this moment where they would rather leave than stay and front the narcissist.
Take all of those kinds of scenarios, and you may just find yourself in there somewhere. Whatever got you to that point, think of it this way:
You were the wrong person for the narcissist to control, and they know it. You realized in the end that being different means being awakened to who they really are, and allowing yourself the grace of going through what you went through to get here.
I know some people who fit this bill, and I am just so pleased they got out when they did, because the alternative would be to still be with the narcissist.
4 The narcissist cannot stand this
If I were to ask you what you can't stand, you'd probably reply with:
Shouting, yelling, screaming, crying, wondering what I did wrong.
Those are normal things to not stand.
If a narcissist was able to be as honest as that, they'd say:
I cannot stand the quiet and calm.
A surprise, right? How can someone feel like peace is such an enemy to them?!
The narcissist builds everything on your reaction, and if you aren't giving it, they've got no foundation to place their game on.
Every tool the narcissist owns that they use to pick your character and world apart fails to work the moment you go silent, to the point where they may even try to intimidate you.
You'll be sorry you messed with me. You'll regret that.
What if you are unbothered by these comments? What if you shrug and say absolutely nothing in response? If you're taking your reaction away, you're leaving the narcissist with only their own panic for company, and we all know a narcissist hates to panic.
At this point, the narcissist wishes they'd never bothered to begin with because they know nothing they say or do is going to have the desired effect any longer.
5 You're about to witness a real crazy moment…
Those tactics stop working, and this will be the point where you need to pay closer attention. Usually, the narcissist will be composed, and that's down to the control they have. What if they unravel? What if you see a little rage? What if they decide to give being sweet a go to see if you respond and come back to fall in line?
What if the narcissist love-bombs you, and makes you feel like a million dollars all over again? They want you to forget any of it ever happened, and so distracting you seems like the best option.
Use all of these changes as evidence that you really have rattled the narcissist, and that's because they're unable to process you now that you're refusing to be their victim a moment longer.
See also THIS is What Makes Narcissists
6 Does this sound like you right now?
I wonder how many of you are literally in this position right now. You found someone you thought was good, and you are only just now, maybe years down the line, realizing the real them, and that you really don't have to stick around to tolerate any of it.
You were probably there the whole time, and now you're only just giving yourself permission to not be afraid.
Clarity will do that to a person, and I say it's better late than never.
