You’re exhausted, and I’d hedge all my bets on it being because the narcissist in your life is keeping you up at night.
Not for those reasons, but for reasons much more sinister.
You can’t switch off. You’re unable to think straight. Your day is mostly based around the build up of anticipation of going to bed, and all because you live with someone who wants to watch you suffer.
It’s the only way they feel better about themselves.
If you want to know how creepy they can be, I want to point you toward the following 6 ways a narcissist makes sure your sleep is disturbed, if you even get any at all.
1Right before you fall asleep, the next argument comes in thick and fast
Why is it that you want to go to bed because you’re tired, yet you’re somehow expected to stay awake and endure yet another argument?
The narcissist was fine with you all day, but within an hour of going to bed, they suddenly went silent. As you were showering and getting ready, they were conjuring up their next plan to attack you and make sure the night ahead is full of broken sleep, if you get any at all.
What could easily wait until morning reaches you as you’re climbing into bed, and you sigh in exhaustion.
The accusations fly, old arguments surface, and nothing you say seems to settle the issue enough so that you can go to sleep. The narcissist here knows what they’re doing, and the aim is to create a version of you that’s so tired, you end up agreeing for the sake of peace and inadvertently admitting to things you had nothing to do with.
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It’s not fair that you are unable to rest.
2You blame yourself for every single silent treatment
There’s nothing worse than a mind that works overtime the moment your head hits the pillow. You go over the day, wondering where you could’ve made it more pleasant for the narcissist, or where you should’ve said the better thing to make them feel happy.
You get proof the narcissist is so unhappy as they lay down next to you and refuse to even say goodnight, and it won’t matter how many times you ask what’s wrong, you’ll never get the answer to soothe you.
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“Nothing. Go to sleep.”
Well, there’s no chance of that all the while your nervous system is wired up for the next round of arguments.
Before long, you spend all your time reviewing conversations and how they went, and you try to thaw out the icy response you ultimately get from the narcissist every single time.
You aren’t there to solve every emotional mystery the way they want you to.
3A narcissist loves to continue an argument just to keep you awake
It’s the worst form of torture, right? You’re kept from sleeping just because the other person wants to keep you awake.
Narcissists are that type, and they will push and demand you answer them or get entangled in their drama regardless of the time, yet the time always seems to be in the evening before you go to bed.
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When you try to get away and head to another room, the narcissist will follow you like a shadow and keep pressing you to get caught up and react. Don’t even be surprised if they wake you up to talk about something they feel is unfinished from the day, even if you knew it was finished.
It’s never about a solution, it’s about creating another problem from one they already invented. If you’re sleep deprived, you’re unable to focus the way you might want to, and it leaves you feeling foggy and sensitive to stress…
…All the things the narcissist wants to get from you!
Use this as a warning sign that you’re dealing with someone so toxic, they don’t care about your mental state or how much sleep you get on a day to day basis. They’d rather watch you suffer than keep an emotionally regulated relationship.
4So much uncertainty hits you that your brain can’t switch off
Nothing specific has to happen here other than living with a narcissist in general. They are the ones who constantly make you feel uncertain, and of course, that leads the mind to be unable to switch off anywhere near as easy as it once was able to.
They’re so good at doing this by leaning in and being everything you want one minute, then taking it all away and being cold as ice the next. There are always looming vague threats to end the relationship, and you never truly know where you stand.
It’s a horrific place to be, and I have clients tell me every day how that reverts to being knots in stomachs, body tension; all leading to lack of sleep.
How can a mind possibly switch off when it is on edge like that? It learns what danger mode is, and it doesn’t mess around. That means you’re left wide awake at 2am thinking, “If I fall asleep now, I’ll get four hours’ sleep.”
Persistent emotional uncertainty does this to any victim, and is partially why they’re always so exhausted.
5You’re made to feel guilty for wanting to rest and recharge
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Why should you feel bad at all? You’re exhausted, and you have so much to do that you can’t even think straight. Somehow though, your need to rest and get some sleep doesn’t matter, because the narcissist is criticizing you for a basic human need.
You want an early night, and you’re suddenly boring to them. You don’t want to stay up talking because you have a huge meeting the next morning, but the narcissist makes you feel guilty as they haven’t seen you all day.
Over time, you sacrifice everything that matters just to be there for them, even though they aren’t remotely happy or pleased with you still because nothing you do is good enough.
Your focus is to not disappoint the narcissist, yet here you are seemingly doing so every day through no fault of your own.
Your sleep still matters though, right? It should still be important, the same as it should be for any one of us.
6Your own bedroom becomes the one place you can never switch off
It’s not really fair, is it? The one place that should be the most calm, relaxing one in the whole house becomes associated with the lack of sleep, and all the anxiety that not sleeping brings.
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If you can’t let your guard down there, where can you?
The narcissist will bring any argument to that room, and you will come to dread even stepping inside. They know exactly what they’re doing here, too, and your mood will shift from okay to unsettled as you move through the doorway.
You’re in your room, tucked up in bed, and you hear the narcissist’s footsteps. You wake up wondering what mood they’re going to be in.
It’s all sad, and all because they want that control they’re always so obsessed with gaining.
