Youth is always on a narcissist's side, isn't it?
Image is at its strongest, ego is cranked up to max, opportunities are pouring in.
Something happens, though, when a narcissist hits their 40s.
They know they aren't old, but they also know they're not a young 20-something with the world at their feet.
They're in that murky middle ground that starts to make them feel erased from relevance, and it's a difficult place for them to comfortably be.
These 5 disturbing things any narcissist of this age starts to do will reveal more about how they feel at this age than you'll ever believe.
1They start seeing people half their age as competition
I don't know why this is, but then again, I'm not a narcissist.
If I were to think like one who has hit their 40s, I'd describe them as desperate to want to stay young, therefore becoming desperate with people who are younger.
There will be competitions created in their minds:
"I have to be more successful than this person." "I have to show them that I still have what it takes." "I mustn't let my age be evidence that I am losing my ability or capacity." "I must win at all times."
What this shows is that the narcissist is so obsessed over their age that they use it as a reason to fight for their place in society among those younger.
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What's really happening is the narcissist sees themselves in those younger people; the drive, the energy, the opportunities. They don't want to lose that, and so they end up inadvertently fighting for it.
The competition is only really in the narcissist's head though. It's something they create because they can, and because they feel the only way to still be seen is to be top of everything.
2Everyone else's feedback or criticism becomes a reason for a personal attack
Narcissists take criticism badly, but it becomes even harder for them to handle them when they hit this decade of their life.
It seems to be this panic-stricken age where they realize they will never be young again.
Everything is changing, and on top of that, they, like us all, are not exempt from insults or criticism. Taking them on the chin at the best of times for a narcissist is impossible, and even more so once their 40s rolls round.
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"After all this time working here, you still can't file properly." "What is it with you and the way you treat people?" "Did you mean to be rude?"
Anything that dents the narcissist's pride will feel like a personal attack rather than anything remotely resembling constructive feedback.
"Who do you think you're talking to?" "They are nothing but, look at the way they've spoken to me!" "They seem to have got it in for me!"
It's never about the narcissist, and always about everyone else.
Soon enough, they're going to use any feedback as an excuse to launch a cold, cruel, calculated personal attack right back at them.
The silent treatment, lies spread, a malicious campaign to topple this person's reputation. For what?
To make themselves feel better because they've hit a milestone age they can't rewind.
For them, there needs to be one reason to shake the dynamic up and direct their anger to make them feel temporarily satisfied.
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3They become obsessed with proving they're still desirable or relevant
"I still matter!" "I can do what you do, and more!" "You just wait; you'll see how fit and able I am."
All these comments do is scream, "I'm still here! I still matter!"
The narcissist doesn't need to tell us, and at 40-something, they are far from old, but they don't see it that way.
Relevance is important to someone who no longer has age on their side for many reasons:
They still want to keep up with the image they've sold to the world. They don't want to look like they're fading in character or ability just because they've reached a milestone. They don't want to look like age is holding them back from their dreams or goals. They want to keep up with the latest trends and lifestyles because then they can remain what they think is accepted.
Narcissists never like to blend into the background, and as it stands, this is sadly how society can treat people as they age.
Of course, that doesn't mean you have to overcompensate by pretending to be twenty when you're in fact over double that age.
The difference is, a narcissist sees being in their 40s as a bad thing, when in actual fact, it is a pretty decent season to be in (I'm speaking as a regular, healthy person, though, and not someone obsessed with youth and vitality).
4They begin to resent people who no longer need their approval
Resenting people is an interesting one, and I find it disturbing that in fact, someone could feel so bitter about a person who doesn't need their approval.
You've got someone who relies on needing to be wanted and needed. They don't like being useless, or like everyone else.
A narcissist feels this way because they always think they've got something to give someone else. Information, advice, experience, skills, encouragement, money…
…It all has to mean something to a narcissist. In fact, there are plenty of people with good advice, and great skills out there. Even people themselves can look inward and think, "I am really good at this, so I should do it more."
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The narcissist feels shocked, and that shock hits more now they've reached their 40s because there is an underlying resentment that they're getting older.
It's much easier then, to take it out on people they already hate for not needing them.
Feeling useless really is the narcissist's worst nightmare, as it brings home the normality of someone who people really could live without.
5The bitterness they feel starts to be mistaken for wisdom
"Well, when I was younger, we wouldn't do it that way." "I know what I'm talking about; I've lived long enough to learn my lessons." "Why can't you just listen to someone who actually has the experience."
It sounds like wisdom, right? You might think, "Wow, yes, I really should listen to them here because they are experienced."
Not always.
The narcissist wants you to think they are, but this is really a smokescreen for bitterness that they can't help but release to you.
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It's not fair to be treated like this, especially when everyone has to go through life and learn, but someone's age shouldn't be a reason for automatic authority or control.
We are talking about narcissists here, so it goes without saying that they'll use any opportunity to assert their power over anyone, and their age can be an excuse for this.
Don't mistake it for anything other than what it is, though.
Bitterness is real with these people. They don't want you to be younger than them, or more clever, or willing to take chances because you have the courage to.
See them for who they really are.
