Giving a narcissist an inch is one of the biggest mistakes you can possibly make. The same goes for never backing down, or never showing them any weakness. While that is really admirable, I want you to know how exhausting it actually is.
You think you’re waking up and holding your own, strong stance, but you’re not. You’re doing everything to work into the palm of their toxic hands, and I want to show you how.
Sometimes, it’s all about letting them win those small moments on purpose. That is where your smartness is.
1 The shock of letting the narcissist win
I wonder how many of you think, “Why on earth is it smart to constantly let the narcissist win?” You probably have lived enough experiences to know that narcissistic abuse makes you angry and resentful, and you want to pay back every last piece of ill treatment you received, right?
I get it.
This isn’t about you losing, though. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to be out of your moral pocket simply because you’ve allowed a win or two, and it has nothing to do with the desire to be smarter than the narcissist.
Letting the narcissist take a small win on purpose should be seen more as a strategy than a stupidity. You are making a deliberate, conscious choice to let them take a small win, and that doesn’t mean you have to roll over and accept more abuse as a result.
They’re always baiting you, waiting for you to bite and react to their games, and when you fight back, you’re giving them everything they want.
You’re engaged with them, your reaction is energy and time, you’re offering the exact drama they came for.
What if you just … didn’t?
2 If you were to let it go, what would happen?
Just let it go!
You hear it a lot, but what if you were to just agree?
You’re right. Sorry you feel this way.
Off you go into the kitchen to make your coffee, and that’s it.
You might think, “Well, what good is that? I’ve just given the narcissist what they want.”
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseYou’re wrong here, because you’ve taken away the entire point they were trying to make. They started an argument to get you rattled and to see your reaction, and instead, you gave them absolutely nothing in return.
When you refuse to step into the drama, you’re showing that you’re just letting it roll away without stopping it to start a war. The narcissist wants you annoyed, and you just got on with it.
You won.
It’s an odd feeling, because you might think winning was more obvious than this, or certainly more difficult to obtain. You think it’d take more time or effort to put in, but that’s it. In fact, I’d say if you want to win at all with any narcissist, the quieter you are, and the less you give them, the more you really do win at all.
3 The narcissist wants to suck the life out of you: Your energy is at stake
All narcissists are only around their victims to suck the life out of them. There’s no other reason why any of them would want to meet people and try to get what they want, is there?
They don’t care if they’re right or wrong, when they could instead focus on how wrong you are. How loud you’re wrong. How long you are wrong for.
It all counts as far as they’re concerned, but remember that every argument costs you something.
Each argument you enter into with the narcissist will cost you a vast amount of something, whether that’s energy, confidence, sleep, or even just your mental clarity. When you argue, you’re not just giving that moment your time, you’re giving all those thoughts afterward the same space.
Should I have said it that way? Was I too harsh? What did he say after that?
You ruminate like never before, and I think the worst part is that, in contrast, the narcissist wakes up after one of their best sleeps of all time.
If you were to stop fighting all those small moments you will soon start to protect the one thing the narcissist wants to drain most of all: You.
I’d advise you here to just let them have that last word. They keep talking to get a rise from you, but if you were to let that not happen, you would be able to disengage that much easier and just move on.
I mean this for each small thing, and please, don’t consider it a loss at all.
It’s not.
If the narcissist needs you, make yourself non-available.
4 It’s time to think about the big picture
Choosing your battles will see that the bigger picture belongs to you, and only you. When you let the narcissist have the small wins, you’re giving yourself the calm attitude you need in order to see what’s really going on behind it all.
You have that energy that keeps you going. You can stay focused on your family, yourself, and even your finances.
Narcissists want you to be worn down, and so they make every little thing a problem. When you tell yourself to let them go, you’re giving yourself so much clarity and space, and that will be what backfires their entire plan.
Next time something minor arises, just wait for a moment and ask yourself if it will matter in a week, or a month.
If the answer’s no, smile, let them take the point, and do something that positively feeds your soul.
5 You’re nowhere near weak, trust me
I know you think you might be. People assume that the only way to be and appear strong is to fire back, answer in strength, and pay attention to all the small battles the narcissist throws their way.
I’m here to tell you that the opposite is in fact true. You’re strong for letting go of the things that used to niggle you. You’re doing it for the greater good, and not because you want to win everything.
If you’re walking into every battle wanting to win, the narcissist is seeing you as someone who sees their battles as worthy of partaking in. You see what I mean? What you feed, will grow.
It doesn’t have to be that way for you, and choosing to step back takes a heck of a lot more self-control than losing your temper ever will.
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsDon’t consider yourself to be giving up, just re-evaluate where your strength actually belongs. When you make that call, you’re staying a step ahead of the narcissist’s games.
They think you will never spot what’s happening, but you prove them wrong when you awaken to their battles being something that are designed to take you down, and not help you in any way, shape or form.
That’s where your power lies, and if you’re smart, you’ll start to use it wisely.
Start today, because there really is no time like the present.
