Age doesn't always improve a person's wisdom, and that's definitely the case where narcissists are concerned. For you or I, we reflect and maybe regret or cringe upon a memory.
For a narcissist, they carry on thinking they're the best, with excuses and lies being recycled over the course of time. You'd think they might learn something, but ultimately, that will never happen.
I've watched narcissists in their sixties pull the same stunts they pulled in their twenties. Same lines, same excuses, same fake tears. Time just gives them more practice.
Time itself never teaches a narcissist anything, especially these 9 things.
1 Being held accountable doesn't mean a personal attack
Why do you always blame me for everything?! Here we go. I can never do anything right by you, can I? This is accountability according to a narcissist.
It's how they take what you're trying to tell them about themselves, and throw it back at you like the original problem is yours to own.
Where there could be a chance for the narcissist to make a situation better, or to act as if they are the one who should be holding their hands up, they pass on it.
Time goes by, and there's still no desire to sit with anything that was their own fault, not even a fraction.
I had a client tell me her ex once said, "Fine, I'm sorry you feel that way," and considered the matter closed. That was his ceiling for accountability.
You could hold all the evidence up to them, and still they'd deny it all. This is the story for narcissists who are twenty as well as eighty, so no matter how much time goes by, expect more and more of the same.
2 People are not chess pieces
Out of all the things I'm listing, I'd say this point was the most damaging to people like you who are just trying to get by. The narcissist will never see this one coming to bite back, but it really does, and if you look closely, it's all of them.
They move. Circles are constantly shifting, and friends are changing. Colleagues will change with jobs, and this is all down to how useful these people are at each given moment. If you stop paying them attention, they get bored of you because they want that audience and reaction.
You're replaced, like you never mattered. One thing the narcissist never really learns is that as they're moving people around like chess pieces, those people remember; they talk.
They see the narcissist aging and look at the amount of people they've gotten through, and that's where relationships expire and their phone never rings. They look around, see nobody, and still can't comprehend as to why this happened.
I've heard narcissists mutter, "Everyone abandons me eventually." No. Everyone eventually caught up. There's a difference, and it's one they'll go to their grave never quite grasping.
3 The ability to manipulate eventually expires
Sure, in the early days, the charm of a narcissist worked. When people are new enough to their lives to not see the pattern, the narcissist will come across as this magnetic person who is full of ideas and full of promises.
The longer you stick around, the more of the mask you'll see slip, and that's where manipulation doesn't work, I mean, how can it?
Old tricks on old people; it's just not possible to keep up the pretence that you're a good person when you spend your days criticizing and gaslighting the person you live with.
Narcissists don't adjust, they just keep pushing and pushing without understanding why you've given up reacting and giving them the satisfaction.
You've heard every version of "you're overreacting" and "nobody else would put up with you" so many times the words have lost their sting. They sound almost rehearsed now.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseThe same game, yet the players are now fully wise, and a narcissist will never learn from that.
4 Lonely? The narcissist brought it on themselves
All narcissists, I repeat all narcissists end up alone. They spend their lives refusing to get close enough to anybody, because if they were really vulnerable and willing to let that intimacy come alive, they would drop that perfect act and allow all their flaws to be seen and accepted.
Not tolerated! Therefore, every relationship remains shallow, and as old age creeps in, they realize they've got no real friends or family by their side because this is what they sowed all those previous years.
If you ask me, this is what they brought on themselves, and they've got nobody else to blame. The saddest part is how they still see no fault with themselves through this.
They'll sit there muttering, "Nobody was ever loyal to me," as if the universe just conspired against them. Not one moment of, "Hmm, was it me?" Never.
I'm here to tell you it's 100% their fault.
5 They will never have everything they want
You could give a narcissist another lifetime on top of the one they already have, and it still won't be enough time for them to gather everything they want. This is the problem with these people; they spend so much time being so greedy.
Greedy with their abuse, and greedy with ruining other people's lives. If they could stay that way forever, they absolutely would. Like every human, we all have a shelf life, and our time will all be up at some point. The narcissist doesn't want to hear that.
They want to stay young, focused, and the center of everybody else's attention forever. Time doesn't teach them that they're a horrible person; it simply acts like a barrier to being able to do more harm to the people who truly care about them.
And greed doesn't just stop at people. It's money, status, attention, admiration, the next win, the next supply. Whatever they get, they'll always want a bigger portion.
6 True happiness will never be possible
Happiness can be found in the smallest of ways every single day, to you or me at least.
Sipping a nice coffee, enjoying a fresh breeze, or even hearing from that friend who thought of us and sent a text, happy moments are widely and readily available, and we notice and appreciate them. A narcissist doesn't know how to find happiness, or even retain it.
The only way they feel most happy is when they're making other people's lives a misery, and even then, it has to be a constant play for that because they need a continuous supply of it.
As they get older, you'd think they'd be wiser to the fact that in order to be happy, you have to pay attention to the little things that have nothing to do with thriving when other people are in pain. Sadly, this is the case for no narcissist.
They all love to inflict it as much as they love to be the reason for it.
Ask a narcissist what makes them happy and you'll get a list of things other people have, or things other people lost. Never anything simple. Never anything real.
7 They're to blame for all conflict
Where there is a narcissist lurking, there is always conflict closely following. These are people who love drama, and can't go a day without it. They will create it at work, in their family dynamic, at home, or even in the supermarket if they have half a chance to.
They have a way about them that brings tension between people, and also resentment. That's why they call it triangulation; because two people are always falling out and the narcissist will be the one pulling those strings.
A narcissist will never admit to this, convincing themselves that they're a good person and that if two people are arguing, then it's their own problem, not the narcissist's. If the narcissist starts any kind of conflict directly with anybody else, then they deny any wrongdoing.
Over time, nothing changes here. A narcissist will still love to be a part of that drama, or at least witnessing it as they walk away with a smirk on their face.
I had a client whose narcissistic sister set off a huge family row at Christmas, then sat back sipping wine while everyone else shouted. Not a scratch on her.
Ask them if they're to blame, though, and you'll get:
It's nothing to do with me. They truly are all the same.
8 Apologies? Not In Their Vocabulary
You'd think, after all this time, they might have picked up on how to say sorry properly. Nope. Not even close.
A narcissist saying sorry usually sounds like this: "I'm sorry you feel that way." Or: "I'm sorry, but if you hadn't done X, I wouldn't have had to react like that." Or my personal favourite, "I already said sorry, what more do you want?"
None of that is an actual apology. It's a way of shutting the conversation down while looking like they've done the mature thing.
Real apologies come with change. They come with a bit of reflection, a bit of accountability, and usually a shift in behaviour so the same thing doesn't happen again next Tuesday.
Time will never teach a narcissist any of that. Ten years, twenty years, they still can't get the words out without twisting them. And even if they do manage a clean sorry, watch what happens next. The same thing, the same hurt, the same pattern. Same story, different day.
Sorry, in their world, is just another tool.
9 Empathy Won't Show Up, No Matter How Long You Wait
You could wait a hundred years, and empathy still wouldn't make an appearance in a narcissist.
That's not me being dramatic. It's just fact.
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsEmpathy isn't a skill you pick up like knitting or French. It's something that lives in you, or it doesn't. And in a narcissist? It doesn't.
You can cry in front of them. You can tell them how deeply they've hurt you. You can lay it all out, calm, honest, no accusations, and they'll stare at you like you're speaking a language they've never heard.
Then comes something like, "Are you done? Because I've had a rough day too, actually."
That's the response. Every time. They can't sit with your pain because it doesn't register the way it registers in you or me.
Time won't soften them. Time won't suddenly make them go, "Oh, I see how much I hurt her." Nope. They'll grow older, greyer, more tired, and still just as hollow when it comes to feeling for anybody else.
Empathy isn't coming. Stop waiting.
