A long car journey with a narcissist? Oh boy. All I can say is, "Take cover!"
The longer the journey, the more likely you are to suffer, and I don't say that lightly.
It feels as though you're locked in a room with them, and in a way, you are. They believe they're always right, the leader, the one who makes all the decisions, and you're the one at fault.
Every wrong turn or gear change is a criticism, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Preparing yourself is key, and I really want you to take note of these 7 ways to survive a car ride with any narcissist to give you the headstart you need to gain control back.
It is possible, and maybe you don't win, but you do arrive at your destination sane.
1Before you even step into the car, get mentally prepped
The first one is probably the most important, and if you don't succeed in getting to a mental place of safety and calm, the rest of the car ride is going to be even more stressful and chaotic than you could think.
I know it seems as though you haven't even gotten into the car yet, but without preparing for such a long ride, you're going to leave your emotions wide open for as much attack as the narcissist is willing to throw your way.
This person will test you. They will ruin the journey with just a few sly moves that place you trapped and helpless.
If you play your own cards right, you can at least mentally get into the right frame in order to deal with what you're up against.
Brace yourself.
The commentary. The criticism. The inevitable disagreement the narcissist is going to lead you into.
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There is always the possibility that the narcissist will pluck a subject or event out of thin air and use it as their next weapon to hurtle your way, and the car is the perfect place for them to do that.
Remember, this isn't about preparing how to manage their mood, this is about how you get through the moment unscathed. Your job isn't to anticipate or make the journey perfect by keeping the peace.
Your job is to remind yourself that this happens, and that you are still you and you still owe yourself inner peace.
2If the narcissist wants the last word, just let them have it
It's easier said than done, and I know that from experience. You want to be able to get a word in or defend yourself but doing so in such a small, compact place means the steam has nowhere to go, and you end up feeling it.
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You don't need that kind of stress, so my advice would be to just let the narcissist have whatever it is they want to have.
Yes, they have strong opinions. Yes, they want to make you feel miserable. Yes, they want you to answer.
"I see." "That's one way of looking at it."
Be neutral. You owe it to yourself to hold your energy, and not give it away.
3If the narcissist starts to criticize, don't bite the bait
And they will, trust me. It's their favorite thing to do, and it will be what comes your way, and will likely even be about you.
The way you drive, the music you listen to, the snacks you got for the ride; everything will be an opportunity for them to have a pop at you.
Instead of falling for the provoking attempts of someone keen to get your response, keep yourself away from their bait.
It's what they want, and their game will only work if two people play.
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4If they start to dig for sympathy, protect your peace
Sometimes, a normal conversation can flow and transform right into something more sinister.
You're listening to the narcissist tell you that nobody cares about them, nobody appreciates them, and that they're treated so unfairly.
You've heard it before, and the car seems to be the perfect place for this speech to come back up and hit you in the face all over again.
It's easy to get drawn in, and I see why it might be a way for you to start speaking back.
"You're not." "People do love you." "I care about you." "I'd never hurt you." "Everyone knows how hard you work."
You're in this car ride for the long haul, so giving the narcissist all of your energy is going to leave you feeling sapped. You have to learn to preserve it.
You are not responsible for how the narcissist claims to feel. It's not your job to fix their latest attempt for sympathy, so leave them to it and let them moan and groan while you stare on ahead and count the mile closer you are to your destination.
5Use any distraction, stop or silence to reclaim some breathing space
You don't have to get into this constantly; you can take breaks. You need to use the bathroom. You need to stretch your legs. You ran out of water. You need to check the screenwash. Grab a coffee somewhere, and even sell how nice that idea is to win them over.
You can put on music, or an audiobook, or just sit out of whatever the narcissist is drawing you into.
You aren't there to entertain them, or be the board they sound off on, and being silent isn't a crime, so let yourself feel it without feeling guilty.
Breathing space is paramount not just for your mind, but for your nervous system, too. It needs a break, the same way you do.
Get out and stretch your legs.
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6Don't let the narcissist's bad mood dictate the atmosphere for the whole journey
It's easy to do, I get it. You're so used to letting the narcissist's mood dictate every single moment of your day that you assume it can't be undone.
You're wrong, it can.
You're you, and allowing people to make you happy or sad, mad or anxious is not how you should be living your life.
The atmosphere in the car is going to be tight anyway, because you're in a small vehicle.
You know the narcissist is capable of trying to get you to feel a certain way, not only for the duration of the ride, but also for how you feel when you get there.
Don't try to do anything other than get to where you want to be, because that's your goal.
It's easy to focus on them and their mood because you want to fix it and make it okay, but it's impossible because you can't fix what is determined to stay broken and toxic.
7When you get to where you were headed, leave all that heavy emotional stuff in the car
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Leave it in the car.
It does not need to come with you to where you are.
You may have had the car ride from hell, but that doesn't mean the rest of your day, or the trip you're on has to be terrible.
The heaviness the narcissist brought to the table can just stay in the car and remain there.
Close the door, walk away, take a deep breath, and live your life.
