Have you seen this version of the narcissist yet? Some will say yes, and others no. When you do, it will shake you a little, because you'll believe you know this person inside out. They will prove that you don't.
If they can keep it together, they will charm the pants off anyone. If they're defeated, you'll see a side of them that is not pretty, not even slightly. Humiliating defeats come, no matter how badly a narcissist tries to avoid them.
These 7 bring out the worst in a narcissist every time.
And I'm not talking about a small tantrum here. I mean the sort of unravelling that leaves you staring at them wondering who this stranger even is.
1 Saying no
Not so long ago, I got this message from a reader:
I had to say a firm no to a family member who tried to overpower me (quite literally) in a doorway. He wanted to gain access, and I wouldn't allow him to. I shut the door in his face, claiming my very good reasons.
As I went to close it, he started to push the door in toward me, forcing me to push it back. Eventually, I won. The doorbell footage shows him pacing and prowling like some incensed toddler who was told no and didn't know what to do with it.
He went back and forth and back and forth until eventually, he left the property altogether. He did not like hearing the word no, and he refused at first to accept it.
I don't think the fact that I'm a woman helped, but he ended up walking away with such anger that someone had dared stand up to him and defend themselves. I'd do it all over again if I had to. What a way to detonate the narcissist!
Saying no but also pushing that no if necessary was the only way this reader could handle the situation. Not ideal, but there are so many examples of narcissists hearing the word and walking off only to feel humiliated that they were put in their place.
No narcissist will stand to hear it.
That word acts like a mirror they can't smash. They see themselves being denied, and suddenly they're not the powerful person they've spent years pretending to be.
2 A person who sees through the narcissist
Here is a message from another reader of mine:
I thought I was good at hiding my abusive relationship until my sister cornered me gently at a family event one summer. "What's going on?" she asked me. I was confused, wondering what she was talking about. "I see the way he treats you, you know. It's not right."
That was it. That was my moment where I finally realized I couldn't hide what was happening any more. It had become so painfully obvious that I was in a relationship with a narcissist.
No longer is it just you, it's other people, too, and this is only the one who wanted to speak to you about it. People don't have to be afraid to speak up and say, "The way you're speaking to her isn't fair, what's your problem?"
The narcissist starts to crack, and under that humiliation lies a person who is not going to make your life pleasant when it's just the two of you. There will be rage. There will be a smear campaign. Your name will be mud.
You can expect to hear things such as, "I cannot believe they said that. They're trying to get in your head. You need to ignore them. Meanwhile, I am doing them no more favors from now on."
These are the words of a humiliated narcissist, who is actually very fearful that they've been outed like this by someone very willing to spot, and speak, the truth.
See also 6 Things Narcissists Secretly Fear After Hurting A Good WomanSound familiar? Because once one person breaks the silence, others often do too, and the narcissist knows their carefully built image is starting to leak in every direction.
3 Losing an argument in front of people
Losing an argument for any narcissist is bone-chillingly humiliating. They hate it. The ego tells them they have the right to win whatever they enter into, and for them, losing is not on their agenda.
When it happens in private, this is bad enough for the narcissist, but when it's in public? The pain hits that much worse, and that much deeper. "I think you're wrong there," you say.
The narcissist looks taken aback, not sure how to deal with the situation with an audience they were trying to win over. Everyone goes quiet, the narcissist shifts in their seat, with a tight, awkward smile.
As soon as you get home, you realize what the cost of correcting the narcissist was. They do not stop telling you what you did was wrong. They will never forgive you, or forget that moment.
Processing it alone causes them physical pain, and it all feels way beyond embarrassing, it feels like a personal attack that took them by shock and surprise (not in a good way).
If it were someone else who corrected them, they would still rage and yell at you because they just want someone to take it out on.
The car ride home is when it usually starts. Cold silence, then, "You made me look like a complete idiot back there. Happy now?"
4 Success (it really is the best revenge)
The promotion you were after came through. You got the house. Your artwork sold. Whatever it is; it smells to you like success, and to the narcissist, it smells like humiliation.
And you know, it doesn't even have to be a big thing, but it does have to be a thing that riles the narcissist and makes them feel totally defeated.
They tend to respond in a way that genuinely feels suffocating to you, and that's down to your life being amazing without them having a thing to do with it. Look at you, thinking you're all that now.
Sometimes, you may even get the icy treatment; the stone cold silence that makes you feel guilty and anxious. They withdraw, wanting to punish you for daring to be independent and have good things enter your life.
Right when you should be celebrating, you're regretting what you did entirely because you'd rather not have to deal with the fallout. As you thrive, the narcissist becomes even more humiliated, leaving you with a choice:
Do you ignore them, or ignore your achievements?
Please, always choose your achievements. You worked for them, you earned them, and no sulking narcissist gets to steal the shine off something you built without their permission.
5 Being left behind or replaced
Both send major ouch vibes to the narcissist, and inevitably means they are no longer taking pride of place in your life any more. You decide enough is enough, and you break things off with the narcissist.
You meet someone else who is lovely, and that is where the narcissist really pains the moment. You left, and replaced them. You leave them behind in some way. Maybe they get a piece of news last, or you go out on a day trip without them.
They miss out on news, you, whatever is going on, and that for them is humiliating. It can even be something as silly as a mutual friend choosing you to go out to lunch with, rather than the narcissist.
You'd think the next world war had started when they received that news and wonder why they weren't involved! Right there is where the narcissist's mask won't just slip, it'll crumble into a million tiny pieces and you will see the real person behind it.
When you replace a narcissist, you cut into their worst fear: abandonment. They don't want to hear that they're not enough; they want to hear that they're the best. When you can't do that? They blame you, not themselves.
You'll hear things like, "After everything I did for you, this is how you repay me?" as if your entire existence was supposed to orbit their needs forever.
6 Getting Their Own Medicine
Oh, this one is delicious. Watching a narcissist get a taste of what they've dished out for years? Nothing rattles them faster.
Give them the silent treatment they used to punish you with, and suddenly silence is cruel and unusual.
Cancel plans last minute the way they always did, and you're "unreliable" and "selfish." Talk over them at dinner, dismiss their story with a wave, tell them they're being "too sensitive" when they get upset. Watch what happens.
They fold. They can't take it. The very tactics they perfected on you become unbearable the moment they're on the receiving end.
And why does it hurt them so much? Because deep down, they always knew those tactics were cruel. They just told themselves you deserved it. Now that the mirror is turned, they can't hide from what they've been doing.
You'll get accused of being cold, calculated, even abusive. The irony is thick enough to spread on toast. But underneath the outrage is a person who finally, briefly, understands exactly what they put you through.
7 When You Stop Explaining Yourself
For years, you've been justifying every single thing. Where you were, why you were late, why you spent that money, why you called your mother, why you wore that top. Then one day, you just stop.
You give a short answer, or none at all, and the narcissist doesn't know what to do with the silence.
See also The Narcissist Gets Sick on Day Two of Your Vacation, and It's Never RandomThey will push harder. "Well? I asked you a question." And when you don't bite, when you don't offer up paragraphs of proof that you weren't doing anything wrong, they start to unravel. Because your explanations were fuel for them.
It let them poke holes, twist your words, catch you in some imagined contradiction.
No explanation, no game.
I had a reader tell me her husband followed her from room to room asking the same question fifteen different ways because she wouldn't justify buying herself a coffee. Fifteen. That's how badly they need you to defend yourself.
Your silence isn't rude. It's the moment they realize they've lost their favourite toy, and they will hate you for taking it away.
