It’s over; the narcissist knows you’re leaving.
What they do isn’t the usual ‘get up and go’, making the whole break up simple and straightforward.
The narcissist prefers to play more games before they leave, at your emotional and literal expense.
Yes, today is about finances, and all the things the narcissist will discreetly do with your money before you are able to leave them.
With one foot out the door, you can’t wait to get out, but not before one final act of punishment by the narcissist is played out.
The narcissist knows you’re leaving?!
I hope not. If you’re planning on leaving a narcissist, I want you to keep it to yourself, or as few people as possible. The more people know, the more likely it is to be fed back to the narcissist, who will do all they can to punish you for making this decision.
I need you to know that a narcissist is very good at detecting a change in the atmosphere though, and if you are giving off, “I’m leaving you” energy, they will act accordingly.
Things that give you away can include:
Giving shorter answers. Leaving your phone face down on the table. Stopping arguing back. Doing more things on your own.
The narcissist will pick these up as signals, and that’s when you are left potentially answering questions or dealing with the fallout.
So…
…Keep it to yourself.
1First, they drain your joint account
See also7 Strange Things Narcissists Do at Night
What an obvious first step, but once it’s done, the money has gone. Joint accounts mean whatever money is there is to be used by both parties.
“I had an emergency.” “The car broke down.” “I had a bill to pay.” “I thought you’d be okay with it.”
The money will disappear, and you’ll be left with nothing.
You can’t even begin to start proving where it went, or what it was spent on because it’s well out of the way.
The hardest part of this is that it was half your money, too, money that you earned.
You wish you could go back and keep a closer eye on it, but it’s the first hard lesson learned in all of this.
2Out of nowhere, they have no money
See also12 Signs You Need To Leave Your Narcissistic Partner Before It's Too Late
If you were to ask the narcissist to contribute, they’ve got nothing. I promise you, they’re lying to you. There’s no way someone who just bought that really expensive shirt last week has no money to offer you this week.
Financial pressures that are going on right now? The narcissist doesn’t care about them, and doesn’t want to be part of fixing them if it means paying out of their own pocket. They want to spend their money, and leave you with no support or money for the essentials.
This is a lot for people to deal with, and it makes them feel as though they’re coping with everything alone.
Don’t buy it. “Out of nowhere” is your biggest clue that the narcissist is playing with you and leaving you to fend for yourself, and that’s not fair.
If you’re going to leave, you’re leaving with nothing.
3Any assets get moved around
Money is moved around because that’s what keeps it safe from you, according to the narcissist.
They will secretly open individual accounts, or use their friends or relative’s accounts to squirrel money away in, and all because they know you then won’t have access to it.
It’s obvious here that the narcissist is trying to protect themselves from what is about to happen, and in order to do that in the best way, they take what is yours so that you’re left with nothing.
See also 8 Creepy Bedtime Habits That Only a Narcissist Would Have
This also includes anything you both own that they can strip you of; valuable items, cash, a car; anything with money attached to it.
If they’re expecting a storm, that’s exactly what they’re protecting themselves from, and clearly that means prioritizing themselves, as they always know how to do.
4The narcissist goes right after any credit you have
No narcissist is ever really responsible with money.
They’re so obsessed with it that they flaunt it whenever they can, and sometimes that means spending more than they earn.
That’s where you come in.
Your money is attractive to them, and they want to make sure if it’s there, they’ll damage it.
If you’re secretly planning on leaving, and the narcissist is getting that vibe from you, they will use your name to sign up to whatever they can in order to gain more credit they can then spend.
Leaving you financially bruised is something they’re willing to do.
5Anything big they buy is bought on a share debt
Funny how that works, isn’t it? It means the narcissist has no intention of paying the debt off, and guess what? You end up with that responsibility, even though you’re struggling with your own finances.
Once you separate, you’re legally responsible for anything in your name, and the narcissist knows this. That’s a big reason why they love to take advantage as they’re placing one foot out the door.
Even if a lawyer got involved, the debt is still legally half yours.
I’m just asking you to be careful here, because no narcissist does this accidentally.
6They change all passwords and access
Everything. One moment you are familiar with login details, and you have access, the next, you’re logged out, and you can’t get in no matter how many attempts you make.
See also9 Smart Moves To Make Before You Leave The Narcissist
Passwords change, and any information with details on them get lost or hidden from you.
“I’m handling it, there’s nothing for you to worry about.”
You know what this means?
It means the narcissist is making some financial changes, potentially shifting money from one account to the other, and you are kept from knowing about it.
The whole thing began with you being told not to worry, but when a narcissist says that, you should do the opposite.
Somewhere along the line, you ended up with debt you didn’t know about, or money gone from your account never to be seen again.
If you know as little as possible, it means you end up being as dependent as the narcissist wants you to be.
Dependent people don’t leave relationships.
Here’s what you can do
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
The first piece of advice I’d give anyone in this situation is to get used to and familiarize yourself with your finances before the narcissist knows you’re curious.
If that means quietly documenting everything, then do that. Get hold of all the account numbers, statements, any record of your home, and any debt that’s in your name, from cards to store accounts.
I know it sounds like a lot, but if you want to be ahead of the game, you have to take those steps to get there.
Don’t make any huge announcements, just go about your day learning what you need to learn, writing it all down, and making sure you keep it all somewhere safe.
The narcissist is already planning while you’re doing this. They’re waiting for the right opportunity to strike, and they think you’ll be obvious; many victims are.
Don’t get caught out: knowledge is power.
