She’s Not Texting me Like She Used to! What’s Wrong?

You have been seeing a girl. Things were going great, or at least you felt so. One day, she stops texting.

“I have met this incredible girl, and we went for a first date. I felt that we had a connection; we had similar interests, we laughed and it seemed that we shared the same life values.

I was very excited. After the date we kept talking every day until one moment when she stopped texting me… I tried to ask her out again, but she was very cold and distant. I don’t know if I did or say something wrong if she’s playing games or she has lost interest.”

Do you recognize yourself in this story? I bet yes. Most probably because it is more common than you’d think. Maybe you are asking yourself: “She’s not texting me like she used to. What did I do wrong? What do I do now?”. No worry,you are not alone.

In this article, we will explore 5 possible reasons why a girl stopped talking or texting every day and what you can do if a girl doesn’t reply as she used to.

Why Did She Stop Texting?

We already know the scenario: all of a sudden, she is “busy” all the time and she doesn’t seem excited to talk to you anymore.

You want to understand why she is acting this way and what you must do to make her interested in you again.

Ghosting

Did you know that there is a term that defines your experience right now? It is called “ghosting,” defined as a situation when someone suddenly discontinues contact with another person to end the relationship.

Ghosting takes different forms, from stopping texting or cutting off contact with someone you’ve dated a few times.

Unfortunately, if you are dating, it can happen at any time, no matter how much you invested in the girl and the relationship.

When-She-Stops-Texting-You...-Ghosting

Ghosting is much more about the person who ghosted rather than the person who has been ghosted. If the girl you are dating cannot tell you honestly that she lost interest, it may be because she doesn’t feel comfortable enough with her feelings or how to approach a delicate situation; she still relies on coping mechanisms such as avoidance and denial.

While both men and women ghost, it is helpful to understand better how women think and why they might stop texting you. Let’s go again to the prior example, but this time from the woman’s perspective.

“I have met this guy for a date, a friend set us up. I had fun, he’s cool, but I didn’t feel a connection with him. He seems like a good guy, but I don’t feel we have similar values. He was talking all the time about his career progression and professional aspirations.

Honestly, he barely let me speak about what I do or who I am, it made me a bit uncomfortable and I felt that we want very different things in life. After a few days, he asked me to go out again, but I told him I’m busy. Then he asked me again, and I told him again that I’ll not be available. Third time, the same… I hope he understood the message.”

As you can see, she had her reasons to stop the relationship with him. However, she never shared with him the real reason why she lost interest.

She felt uncomfortable telling him because they have common friends, so instead of talking, she decided to stop texting. It would have been helpful for him to understand why she’s not texting like she used to, but unfortunately, the reality is that sometimes it doesn’t happen.

What to do when she is not texting you like she used to?

First of all, do not react or do something based on assumptions; try as much as possible to understand the situation. Then you can take action knowing if it’s a phase of her life or if she is genuinely not interested in you anymore.

Secondly, take into account the type of relationship you have. It is normal that the more time and energy you invest in any new relationship, the more you feel you would have to lose.

The context is different if you’ve just been together for a few weeks or a few months, if she’s only a girl you’ve met or if she’s officially your girlfriend.

5 Reasons She is Not Texting You Like She Used To

Here are 5 reasons why she is not texting as she is used to. While reading them, consider how they could apply to your unique situation.  

5-Reasons-She-is-Not-texting-You-Like-She-Used-To

#1 She’s just not that into you 

Sometimes, women may keep talking to you because they are still waiting to see if it’s worth it. She didn’t feel a very strong connection, yet she believes you are a good person and wants to see where this goes… until the moment when she realizes that she’s not that into you.

It may be something that you’ve said or done, it doesn’t matter – what matters is that it changed her perception of who you are or the kind of relationship you are looking for.

This is important, especially for online dating – be mindful of who you portray yourself to be because any inconsistency might make the woman lose interest.

#2 Someone better come along 

Dating nowadays is not restrained to only one person. Girls talk and date different men simultaneously, using this time to evaluate them and make the right choice.

If she suddenly stops talking to you, she might have decided to move forward with someone else, maybe in a more serious commitment. Or, sometimes worse, she already has someone and decided to stop playing with you!

#3 She is very busy

Yes, she is dating and talking to you consistently, but don’t forget that everyone has a personal life you don’t know much about! Most women have many priorities, such as family, friends, work, etc., and sometimes dating is the last on the list. 

Maybe she was talking to you because she didn’t have many things going on at that moment with her, she needed some reassurance or she was feeling lonely.

Conversely, if your girlfriend doesn’t text back, you should ask her why and try to understand better what is happening in her life and how you can be there for her.

#4 You are too pushy 

She feels that you are moving too fast. You are over-texting her or showing signs of falling in love, which she probably doesn’t share.

You want her to meet your friends, or maybe you already invited her to go on holiday or move in together. She might feel it’s not what she wants, things are moving fast, and that she needs some space. When you act too pushy, most women will start to feel uncomfortable. They will cancel dates with you or, at worst, stop texting you.

If this is the case, give her the space she is asking, be ok with having some distance, and focus on your own goals and priorities. If she is genuinely interested in you but just afraid of the speed of the relationship, she will come back somehow. 

#5 She doesn’t feel you are committed 

Nowadays, there are so many opportunities out there. If you have met through online dating, be it Tinder, Bumble, etc., it is important to let her know that you are genuinely interested and that she’s not only another match.

You may want to play it safe and not risk too much too early, but don’t forget that most women love to be and feel desired. She would have messaged her friends if she just wanted to talk about her day or gossip.

So, if you have seen a girl on a few dates already, make sure you give clear signals that you want to be more than friends. If you don’t, at some point, she might feel that you are not that interested, and her attraction to you would drop as well. If you don’t do anything, your best-case scenario is being friend-zoned.

What to do when a girl doesn’t reply anymore?

As you can see, there are a few reasons of why she stopped texting you (every day). However, don’t assume and, no matter what is the reason, don’t play games.

It is always better to ask and tell her you are okay to give her space or stop texting if this is what she wants. In this way you give her the chance to share with you how she feels; most women appreciate that. Then, if she’s not interested, you can move on easier.

For most men, opening up, being vulnerable, and giving part of yourself to someone else is harder. That’s why maybe it feels so hard to be ignored!

It doesn’t feel good when you trust them and start to imagine a future together with them, and then from their side, there is no reply.  

Such a situation can bring new feelings to you. You might feel ashamed and embarrassed; accept your emotions and be gentle with yourself. It’s normal to not feel good in a shitty situation.

You can talk to someone about it, a friend or a therapist – it will help you realize you are not alone. Unfortunately, you can’t control her actions, so don’t blame yourself! You can only control how you react to the situation.

Self Reflection Exercise

You can also use this experience as a self-reflection exercise. Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself to learn more about yourself: 

– How does this situation make me feel? 

What are the behaviors that I’ve demonstrated? How did I behave with her while texting and during our dates? Was any of my behaviors inappropriate at some point?

– Do I feel that we were sharing similar interests and values? Did we have a strong connection?

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