What Is A Pick Me Boy And How To Spot Him

You’ve probably heard of a pick me girl, a pick me boy is a relatively new term, but they have similar characteristics. You’ll know when you meet a pick me boy because he’ll put himself down, manipulate you, and is super clingy.

A pick me boy is the guy you don’t want to date unless you’re looking for a nightmare relationship. The problem with pick me boys is they wear a mask. They act all self-righteous and claim to be better than the men out there playing women.

But with a player, at least you know what you’re getting. Pick me boys are complex characters in that even though they pose as nice guys, deep down, they wish they had the same access to women as the players.

The minute you reject a pick-me boy, their true colors emerge. Some females get trapped because, despite their odd behavior, they’re expert love bombers who treat them like gold dust until they don’t get what they want.

Keep reading to learn all you need to know about a pick me boy. 

What Does Pick Me Boy Mean?

pick me boy is a man who puts himself down so women will feel sorry for him and stroke his ego. It’s his very disturbing way of flirting!

They act ‘woke,’ pose as feminists, and have a disdain towards men. A pick me boy has a difficult time attracting the women he truly wants and he’s bitter and resentful because of it. 


Where Does The Term Come From?

The pick me term was popularized in 2018 when a hashtag challenge on Twitter went viral. Under the #tweetlikepickme, thousands of users tweeted about the ridiculous things women do to get and keep a boyfriend.

This was the birth of the pick me girl and her counterpart, the pick me boy exploded onto the scene on TikTok in 2021. Creators started posting screenshots of pick me boy behavior, and some made comedy sketches about it.

To date, the pick me boy hashtag has garnered approximately 350 million views

How Do You Spot A Pick Me Boy?

Pick me boys have distinctive characteristics, making them easy to spot. They put themselves down, are expert manipulators, and are clingy.

Women are naturally repelled by pick me boys because they expose their insecurities to the whole world. To avoid getting ensnared by a pick me boy, you need to know how to spot one. Here are seven signs you’re dealing with a pick me boy. 


#1 They Put Themselves Down

They try and get female attention by putting themselves down. A pick me boy will say something like, “I haven’t been on a date in over a year because most women think I’m ugly.” Or, “I’m so jealous of women.

They can wear heels to make themselves taller. Men like me have to put up with being short and hope someone somewhere will find us attractive.” By highlighting his perceived weaknesses, he’s hoping you’ll boost his confidence by telling him how great he is. 

#2 They Are Expert Manipulators

Pick me boys act the way they do on purpose. It’s all a part of his master plan.

He knows he doesn’t have the charms of the average guy, so he pulls various stunts to get what he wants.

One of the most manipulative behaviors of a pick me boy is he pretends to be interested in everything the girl he’s trying to date is interested in so she’ll think they’re on the same page. 


#3 They Are Super Clingy

Once a pick me boy has your phone number, he’ll call you ten times a day and bombard you with text messages!

If you don’t respond immediately, he’ll message you things like, “this is the beginning of the end. I knew a woman like you giving me your phone number was too good to be true. Don’t worry. I’ll never call you again.” 

#4 They Are Fake Feminists

Does he talk about how unfair it is to be a woman and how he’ll stand on the front line of the war against gender inequality until something changes?

Don’t believe him. He’s lying through his teeth and hopes you’ll fall head over heels in love with him because he’s willing to fight for the cause. 

#5 They Are Self-Righteous

When you hear a guy saying things like, “I’ve known that guy for years, and he’s such a player, he’s got a different girl on his arm every week.

The only reason I don’t get as many women is that I’m not a player and wouldn’t dream of treating females like that. I have respect for women.”


With a statement like this, he’s hoping you’ll start showering him with compliments because you’re so grateful you’ve found a unique man who’s not like the other guys. 

#6 They Are Jealous Of Confident Men

They are jealous of men who have no difficulties getting women. They’ll observe their every move and study how they act.

When the pick me boy has befriended the female he wants to date, he’ll spend a lot of time degrading these confident men. They’ll talk about how disrespectful they are, how they can’t understand why women go for men like that.


But deep down, the pick me boy is jealous of his confidence and wishes he had it so easy with women. 

#7 They Get Aggressive When Rejected

Pick me boys are fake in many aspects, and one of them is the nice guy act. When they’re pursuing a woman, they’re as sweet as pie, but as soon as the female says she’s not interested, they get nasty.

The guy will literally turn into Jekyll and Hyde right in front of you. He’ll go from telling you you’re the most beautiful woman in the world to saying something like, “You should be grateful I even asked you out on a date because you’re damn ugly.


I felt sorry for you, that’s all.” As mentioned, the pick me boy claims to support feminism, but the moment he doesn’t get his way, he resorts to misogynistic insults like, “No wonder women don’t get paid as much as men. You’re all as dumb as hell.”

The reality is that pick me boys have a deep disdain for women because they’ve been rejected by them so many times, and this spews out of them when they don’t get their way. 

Examples Of Pick Me Boy Texts

If you got caught slipping on your A-game and gave a pick-me boy your phone number, here is an example of some of the text messages you can expect from him. 

“You’re so gorgeous. I doubt I’ll have a chance with you because I’m so ugly. Us walking down the street together would be a perfect example of beauty and the beast.”

“I can’t believe you’ve waited ten minutes to text me back! (crying face emoji). It’s because I’m ugly, isn’t it?”

“You don’t sound like you’re happy to hear from me. Would you rather be doing something else right now? Am I a burden?” 

“I heard you’re going to the prom with Jason? Do you really think that’s a good idea? Everyone knows he’s a player. It’s so unfair that guys like him get all the good girls, and nice guys like me always finish last.”

5 Reasons Why People Don’t Like Pick Me Boys

Pick me boys and pick me girls would make the perfect couple, but since opposites attract, it’s not surprising they don’t.

In most cases, women are drawn to confident, genuine men. Some of the reasons women don’t like pick me boys are because they’re self-righteous, they’re self-centered, and they are too needy.

Keep reading to find out why women don’t like pick me boys. 


#1 They Are Self Righteous

Self-righteous people are intolerant of the behaviors and opinions of others, and they perceive themselves as better than everyone else because they don’t act like them.

So although the pick me boys tactic is to put other men down as a way of differentiating himself from the pack of dogs women are used to dealing with, he’s displaying self-righteous behavior, which is highly unattractive to women. 

#2 They Are Self-Centered

Although people like talking about themselves, self-awareness will stop you from overdoing it and give the other person a chance to speak about themselves.

Pick me boys have zero self-awareness and will spend the entire conversation talking about why they find it so difficult to date women and why they’re such a unique male specimen. They don’t invest any energy into the date they think they’re so lucky to have got.

Instead, everything is about them. A ‘me first attitude’ is generally off-putting, but it’s even worse when a woman is looking for a serious relationship.

If a man’s conversation is focused on the negative traits of himself and other men, not only is he killing the vibe, but he doesn’t get to build a genuine connection with his date, and he’s unable to enjoy the experience. 

#3 They Are Too Needy

A female’s worst nightmare is a needy man. It’s the most annoying thing in the world to them.

The basic mindset of a ‘pick me boy’ is “I’m not the same as other men, will you date me please?” Men looking for validation from women is a major red flag because it screams insecurity.

He’s dependent on female approval, and if he doesn’t get it, he turns into bitter Barry and starts accusing the girl he’s dating of being just like the rest of them.

His main focus is protecting himself instead of genuinely getting to know his date. 

#4 They Are Low Key Emotionally Abusive

Insecure men don’t want a confident woman because she makes them feel inferior. A pick me boy wants to drag every female he dates down to his level because he knows she won’t stay if he doesn’t.

Every woman who has dated a pick me boy experiences this. When you get all dressed up for a night out with the girls, he’ll say something like, “Why are you going out dressed like a slut?

Don’t you know you’ll get harassed by those players you claim you don’t like?” Or, “I knew this was too good to be true.

You’re no different from the other women I’ve dated. You say you want a nice guy, but you dress up for the players’ attention.” 

#5 He Compares Himself To Her Ex-Boyfriends

Ex’s are exes for a reason. It didn’t work out because that guy wasn’t the one. So why does the pick me guy feel he must always compare himself to her ex?

Because he’s insecure! In the pick me boys head, all girls want to be with a six-foot hunk with a six-pack who treats them like garbage because he’s got so many other options.

So he spends a lot of time comparing himself to her ex, he wants to know if he makes more money than him if he’s better in bed, and he wants to know what he looks like. If he did this discreetly, the person he was dating would be none the wiser.

But pick me boys are very open about their disdain for her ex-partner and will keep asking questions about him so that he can get a clearer picture in his head, which is pointless.