For too long you’ve waited in the weeds for an opportunity to be the love of their life.

You’d light a candle for them everytime they came near you if it meant you got to shine alongside it.

So why are you never noticed?

Why do they make you feel as though you’re in constant darkness?

Could it be because you made them your priority, and they made you feel like nothing but an option?

It’s time you chose yourself.

Why Be Their Runner Up, If You Will Never Be Their Winner?

It’s a position so many people choose to settle for in life, yet so few understand why they’re never happy when they do.

I’ll tell you why.

You were never destined to give the main character position away in your own life.

It was always meant for you, because it’s your life. To demote yourself to a part time position, you’ve given that main part to a person undeserving and unreliable to your heart. 

When the love you have is wasted on somebody who is never going to return it, why allow them in at all?

Why give them access to you when they’re not intending on sticking around?

Settling

As much as you think you love this person, and that they’re The One, they can’t be. 

The One doesn’t look like:

• Showing up when they want
• Leaving when they want
• Never accounting for their inconsistent behavior
• Treating you like you matter one minute, and as if you were a stranger the next
• Making you question them
• Feeling uncertain or unhappy when you should be content and reassured

The confusion of feeling as though you aren’t settling will be because you feel as though you’re totally in love.

So for you, there’s no real realization that you are in fact, settling.

Yes, you care deeply, but they don’t. What you’re settling for, is sub par treatment, when you deserve the world and more. 

Yet every time they come knocking, you fly to the door to answer it in record time, and they know you will.

That’s why they do it.

Good old, reliable you. Always there, even after you’ve been ignored for a long time. 

What You Deserve?

Do you even know? What do you think you deserve?

I’d say any good person who wants to love another deserves: 

• Honesty
• Compassion
• Consistency
• Reliability
• Trust
• Understanding
• Respect

Without those fundamental pillar stones of love, nothing but toxicity will grow. 

But, without having the self-esteem to understand what you deserve, you will never get what you deserve. 

Where Does It Come From?

You’ve got to strip away a lot to get to the root of this issue. Low self-esteem can come from childhood; a time or place you just weren’t valued or appreciated by your caregivers. 

Sometimes that can look like neglect, emotional or physical abuse, or being around a controlling parent who had little time for your feelings. It also may include:

• Being regularly put down
• Criticized
• Mocked
• Told your feelings don’t matter
• Ignored
• Loved only when it suited them

This is no way to raise a child, and it’s no way to teach a child that this is love, because it isn’t. 

Love is not waiting for somebody to love you. Love is deciding that you’re worth love, and finding somebody who matches that value. 

Putting Others First

This is a big part of loving a person who never chooses you first. By allowing them to be with you, you’re telling them and yourself that you will always put their needs first.

You’ll be that if they want you as a part-time lover, right? Part-time is better than no time at all, isn’t it?

No!

Nobody wants to love or be loved part-time, and neither should you. 

When you accept this kind of treatment, you’re letting the person know that your bar is set so low that they don’t even have to try 95 per cent of the time. 

And even worse, if they are putting other potential love interests before you, then why on earth would you want to wait patiently in line for them to get to you?

You do not deserve to be an option to them, when you’re making them your number one priority. 

Waiting and Hoping For Change

It’s the one thing that keeps people holding on for so long, isn’t it?

The idea that one day, they will awaken to your brilliance and beauty and want to put you first. 

The hope that follows is long and painful, and every day you think this will be the day. Today they will finally see me for who I am and love me like I want to be loved by them.

Except what happens?

Months can go by.

Years can go by.

And nothing changes.

You wait, and with every disappointing day, your confidence drops another level. 

And another.

And another.

This is not who you are. 

But hope is what keeps people alive. Those expectations become the relationship, rather than looking at it for what it really is:

A waste of your time.

When It Never Comes

When the love you want never comes to you, it’ll feel as though it’s all because you’re not good enough.

You’ll probably feel like crying as you wonder what it is about you that just didn’t quite cut the cloth, but the reality still stands:

They proved to you that you’re better off without them.

Why wait for a person who is never going to fulfill you?

And don’t assume here that the breadcrumb of affection they once had for you is enough for you, because it isn’t. It’s nowhere near enough, in fact. 

Your standards can only be raised when your self-esteem is raised.

All the time you sit in the lowest depths of your lack of confidence in who you were, you will attract those who align with that.

These are usually people never good enough for you. They won’t want to support you, be present for your ups and downs, or make you feel truly complete. 

 So, Just Leave!

It’s your only choice. Don’t ask them to stay when staying hurts you as much as it does. 

Ask them to leave and make somebody else’s life as miserable as yours once was.

Learn to grow in your own space, and value it as a boundary that you will not move again for the unappreciative. 

When you show them the door, shut it when they leave.

A Person Meant For You Will Do These 3 Things!

In life, we all want to know that the person we’re with is meant for us.

Nobody wants to waste their time building a foundation that’s only destined to be knocked down.

We don’t have that kind of energy.

Do you remember a situation where you felt this?

It is beautiful to see a person before you with whom you wanted it all to work out.

If you want clarity, I have carefully crafted three things you need to look out for to ensure you know a person is good for you.

I don’t want to talk about money. I don’t want to talk about promises.

I don’t want roses, or chocolates, or a movie date. (Well, the chocolates I … No…. Forget it).

Kissing Too Many Frogs

Some might see the fun in kissing frogs, but others not so much.

What do you think about it? Putting yourself out there and searching for

The One is not as easy as the movies make it. 

There’s usually no meeting up the top of the Empire State Building,

and no meet cute where doves are released and a nice soothing song is playing in the background. 

When you do meet that one meant for you, it will be confirmed only in time, and you have to trust time as a process in general. 

Needing to Raise The Bar

So with all those frogs you have kissed, there has to be a time you meet the prince or princess. 

As we all look for various traits in a person, it’s equally imperative to ensure they match with you in terms of values and morals, too.

So the following three things will be where you start in defining your forever with somebody. 

Let your one true love reveal themselves…. now!

These 3 Things Will Reveal A Person is Meant For You

#1 Connection

The big one.

Connection.

There’s little to no point in attempting a relationship with a person you don’t ‘feel.’ 

Tell me now through the power of thought teleportation that you have tried this.

Some of you may have even really convinced yourself that this one particular person has it all.

The wondrous way they make you feel, the way they make you laugh, the sex.

But what about when all of that is taken away? What is there left? 

Connection is when two people feel drawn to each other, and use that as the center of where everything else grows.

You consciously want to be together, and like moths to a flame, you were drawn to one another for more reasons than just those that scratch the surface. 

Connections can look like:

• How you communicate
• Allowing each other to be vulnerable
• Expressing gratitude; being grateful for the little things
• Kissing or hugging
• Conscious respect and trust

Some things go a really long way.

If you’re looking for a person who is meant for you, you need to look out for a connection that lasts, and not one meant to wither away quickly. 

It is in the permanence of connection you will see the permanence of love. 

#2 Want To Understand You

What does understanding mean to you?

I’ll give you an example.

Sally had a hard childhood, where one parent was incredibly overprotective, and the other was abusive.

She constantly felt batted between neglect and coddled.

Most days were filled with an underlying anxiety of, “What’s going to happen today? What mood will my dad be in?”

Some of those moods consisted of coming home from work with candy for her, and hearing from him that she is the light of his life.

Other days, he wouldn’t even speak to her. If she tried to engage, he would shout and criticize. 

Sally grew up wanting to make a change in her life, but never really knowing or having the tools to do so.

As time went on, she knew she wanted to meet somebody the opposite of her father. 

Sally met Robert, who was a quiet man. He sometimes struggled to find the right words, and he was the kind of man who would go about life without the need to brag, or buy the most expensive things.

He was happy, and content with what he had, and he wanted to find somebody special to share it with. 

When Sally met Robert, they enjoyed each other’s company. Over time, Sally told Robert about her childhood, and Robert spoke about his (not perfect for other reasons).

It was a moment of true understanding that connected them further.

This understanding came from Sally listening to what Robert had to say, and for Robert to understand that Sally’s childhood left scars.

Robert didn’t want to re-open those scars. Instead, he wanted to be the person who nurtured them.

He understood that Sally needed support from time to time, or reassurance that helped Sally feel validated. 

This is exactly what I mean by understanding.

The conscious effort to take the person you’re with, and understand that they’re made up of a million tiny pieces.

Life can get complex, and understanding only means finding a person meant for you. 

#3 Let You Be You

Acceptance.

I accept you for you, and you accept me for me.

Nobody is trying to change anybody, and neither person is attempting to manipulate them into losing themselves. 

Isn’t that what life and love is all about? I know for me, that’s where the real magic is. 

When you can authentically be yourself, you remain free to explore what goals and hobbies you have.

You get to hold onto what’s important to you, and what you feel strongly about.

None of it is called into question, or criticized.

This is what I mean when I say somebody is intended for you.

They are in no way displaying any signs of toxicity. They just want to see you happy and enjoy it when you are. 

Settling For Less

Some of you out there may be settling for less. Getting stuck into the habits and routines of ‘good enough for right now.’ 

I wanted to raise these three things as a standard that everybody should set for themselves.

With all three components, you know you’ve found somebody you’re meant to be with, and I feel that’s something we all deserve. 

Too often, these become lost in the fight for short-term attention or temporary gratification. 

No relationship can sustain such shallow waters, so for anything more.

There needs to be more awareness of who you are and the type of person you want to match physically, emotionally, and mentally.