How to Keep Her Interested Over Text: Texting Dos And Don’t

You’re into her, and she’s interested in you- or so you think.

You two keep texting, but you sometimes feel anxious when you message her. You aren’t always sure if you’re saying or doing the right thing. Most of all, you’re worried about her losing interest.

There’s no doubt that texting is an art. And when it comes to capturing a girl’s attention, you want to make sure you’re a talented artist!

But while everybody is different, some universal texting rules apply when it comes to talking to someone you like.

#1 Convey a Genuine and Meaningful Interest

No matter your specific texting style, the most important rule is this: pay attention to who she is, and get to know her on an individual level.

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This rule also obviously applies to real life. But the benefit of texting, of course, is that you have the time and ability to really think through your questions and responses (a luxury we don’t have in face-to-face conversations!).

Some easy and safe topics to discuss when you’re just getting to know someone includes:

  • certain values and preferences
  • favorites (favorite song, favorite movie, favorite restaurant)
  • how she likes to spend her free time
  • friends and family

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions keep the conversation going. When you text a girl, prioritize asking interesting questions about her life.

Do you like your job? is a close-ended question. What’s your favorite part of your job? is an open-ended question. Do you want to hang out tonight? is another close-ended question, and What’s your favorite part of your job?, is an open-ended one?

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Close-ended questions can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” But open-ended questions actually spark dialogue and set the foundation for deep conversation.

So, when in doubt, ask yourself, Can this question be answered with just a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or ‘I don’t know?’ If so, reconsider making it more open.

Even if she has a light-hearted personality, most girls value depth in their relationships. They also like knowing that someone genuinely cares about their life! Open-ended questions achieve exactly that.

Try to Avoid Superficial Questions

Many guys rely on boring questions just to keep the conversation going. And while you may get some responses, superficial questions get old fast.

First, focus on the quality of your answers. When she asks you a question, do you respond with a one-word response? Or do you elaborate and make it a point to really share your opinion?

With that, don’t be afraid to be bold with your questions. As you build attraction, it’s okay to be more forward and flirty. She’ll know she’s important if you’re willing to step up your text game and ask her deeper questions about life.

Use Proper Grammar and Spelling

When you text a girl- even in a playful way- you still want to come across as mature and capable. Many people find poor grammar or careless spelling mistakes as a turnoff.

#2 Stay Attentive

A good text conversation mirrors a good real-life conversation. This means that you are attuned to what she says and aim to stay invested in the discussion.

The best way to show your attentiveness is to convey that you’ve paid close attention to details from previous conversations. This can sound like, Hey, how did that test go today? I know you were up all last week studying for it.

Validate Her Experiences and Feelings

Validation is an essential communication skill you should consider using when texting a girl. Validation affirms someone’s individual life experiences as being real and important.

Validation can sound like this:

  • That must have been so hard for you.
  • I really appreciate you telling me that.
  • I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes.
  • That doesn’t sound fair at all!

Ask for Clarity

If she says something confusing, don’t skip over it. Staying attentive means acknowledging when you don’t understand something.

For example, let’s say she texts you saying, I can’t believe she said that. But you have no idea who she is. Don’t just go along with what she says- say something like, Sorry, who are we talking about again? Just want to make sure I’m on the same page with you here!

#3 Respect Her Texting Boundaries

Boundaries are a crucial part of any real-life relationship, and texting boundaries absolutely apply when you talk to someone you like.

Keep in mind that many people don’t explicitly state their texting boundaries. But when you text a girl, you should generally keep the following rules in mind:

Avoid Double Texting

Unless it’s absolutely necessary, there is no reason to send multiple messages in a row before she responds. You need to get comfortable waiting a few hours. If a girl likes you, she’ll get back to you once she’s free!

Avoid Pressuring Her to Respond Immediately

Some girls have no problem texting at all hours of the day. Others don’t even look at their phone during work. Follow her lead and don’t pressure her to respond immediately if she’s busy.

Don’t Keep Asking for Photos

If she wants to send you a picture, she will. And if she does, make sure that you thank and compliment her for it.

Keep Your Conversations Private

Even if she doesn’t indicate that she’s telling you something in confidence, you should assume that the conversation stays between you two.

Most people want to keep the details of their love life private. When in doubt, you should always get her permission before you tell someone else something sensitive she told you.

#4 Lean Into Humor

If she feels comfortable being sarcastic or playful with you over text, that’s a good sign! She enjoys having fun while talking, and she also enjoys keeping things interesting.

But when it comes to showing off your funny side, it’s helpful also to consider the following ground rules:

Avoid Gossip

Maybe you two have mutual friends or work together. Perhaps there’s drama in her personal life (or in yours), and you feel tempted to talk badly about someone.

While people can and do bond over gossiping, it’s a superficial form of bonding. A confident guy doesn’t need to spread rumors or act immaturely to keep a conversation going.

Be Careful of Too Much Sarcasm

Sarcasm tends to fare better in real life when you can detect someone’s tone and body language. Over phone screens, this type of humor is harder to detect.

If you’re generally sarcastic, trust that she’ll understand your type of humor over time. But if you’re getting to know one another, avoid relying on it excessively. Sarcasm is best when it’s used in moderation, and too much of it often comes across as overwhelming.

Use GIFS and Emojis

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Images can augment your humor and help keep things exciting.

Familiarize yourself with emojis and feel free to use them liberally when you text a girl. As a bonus, they can help build attraction, and they quickly turn ordinary texts into flirty texts!

Throw In Flirty Texts

Sending the right flirty text allows you to tease one another and keep things exciting playfully! It also helps signify that you don’t want to be stuck in the friend zone.

So, when you text a girl, think about how you can be flirtatious and push the envelope just a bit. It’s often helpful to highlight your inner experiences or future intentions.

Highlighting your inner experiences sounds like, Just letting you know that I can’t stop thinking about you. Highlighting your future intentions sounds like, I’m planning our first date right now…I think you’re going to be very happy!

#6 Compliment Her

Everyone loves to feel appreciated and special. When you text a girl, consider what you can say to remind her that she’s special and important to you.

There’s no reason for things to be overly dramatic or disingenuous. Simply saying, I love talking to you or, You’re seriously so amazing can go a long way.

There isn’t a set rule for how often you should compliment her. The key is to balance genuine compliments with interesting conversation.

If you compliment her too much, she may feel overwhelmed- or like you’re trying to get something from her. But if you never praise her, she might question your interest.

#7 Be Yourself

At first, this advice may seem cliche or even condescending.

After all, you know you’re supposed to be yourself! But it gets complicated when you want to stand out from other guys and impress a girl.

You might worry that, if you show your true colors, it’s just a matter of time before she gets bored or disinterested.

In many cases, the opposite is true, and every qualified dating coach and therapist will endorse that. People want authentic relationships- that means taking the good with the bad, the amazing traits with a few minor imperfections.

She doesn’t need you to be perfect. She needs you to be real and know that you intend to still have a great life with her in it.

Don’t Lie

Commit to showing her the real you. That means being authentic and honest about who you are, how you spend time, and what you value.

Here’s something to think about: if you notice yourself frequently lying or embellishing stories, consider what that might say about you as a person.

Does it mean you’re trying to keep up with social norms? Does it mean you need to make some important changes in your life?

Don’t Lead Her On

Being yourself almost means acknowledging your intentions when talking to a girl. You’re probably sending mixed messages if you’re constantly texting her with no plans of taking things to the next level.

When in doubt, honesty is best. Don’t drag things along if you realize you aren’t into her.

#8 Know When You Need to Communicate In a Different Way

Texting her is great for lighthearted conversation, checking in, or wishing her a good morning or night. It’s also great for the occasional random question- or when face-to-face communication isn’t an option.

But it certainly isn’t appropriate for every situation. In general, you should avoid texting when:

You Have a Serious Confession

Whether someone died or you lost your job or you’re finally ready to admit something serious, don’t just run to send a text message. Context always matters; you want to be mindful of the specific situation when communicating with her.

She Hasn’t Talked to You In Awhile

Nobody likes to be ghosted, but it definitely happens, particularly in this modern era of dating apps.

But texting girls relentlessly doesn’t come across as sweet and passionate. It comes across as annoying and even dismissive.

If you’ve been met with radio silence, stop reaching out and focus on your business. This could clearly indicate that she isn’t interested- or that she’s already mentally positioned you in the friend zone.

And if she finally responds? Don’t get harsh or dismissive. Instead, consider sending a friendly text like, Hey, I haven’t heard from you in some time. Is everything okay?

You’re Considering Ending the Relationship

Whether you’re ready to break up or need to seriously reassess the relationship, this certainly isn’t a conversation over a text message.

Instead, let her know you need to talk about something serious and either have that discussion in person or over the phone.

You Know She’s Really Busy

There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to tell you she’s on your mind- or that you’re hoping she’s having a good day. But don’t bombard someone when you know they’re occupied.

Just like you wouldn’t keep checking in on someone in person, the same rule when you text a girl.

Texting FAQ

How Often Should I Text Her?

It depends! Generally, it’s usually acceptable to check in at least once daily. You can drop it down to every few days if she texts sporadically.

It’s better to gauge how she responds. For example, you don’t want to keep texting her repeatedly if she doesn’t respond. You also shouldn’t send several different questions.

How Can I Keep the Conversation Going?

Try to treat your texting conversation as you would a face-to-face conversation. Aim to balance serious questions with more playful teasing.

And if the conversation isn’t flowing? It’s okay to give it a break and reach back out the next day or so. All conversations have natural lulls.

How Do I Know If She’s Not Interested?

If she doesn’t stop texting you, she’ll respond with one-word answers or provide vague responses. She may keep things “on the surface” rather than talk about emotionally charged topics.

What if I Make a Mistake or Say Something Wrong?

There’s no such thing as a perfect text conversation. If she calls you out on the mistake, the most important thing is to avoid a negative and defensive response. Instead, acknowledge her feelings and apologize for your wrongdoing.

This can be as simple as saying something like, I’m sorry.

How Do I Keep Things Exciting Over Text?

Mix it up!

If you usually send long paragraphs back and forth, toss in a photo or meme every so often. If you two always text, consider trying Facetime or a phone call. In other words, don’t be afraid to keep things fresh.

Finally, don’t shy away from being vulnerable. Girls love when you can show your real emotions. The more comfortable you talking about sensitive, meaningful topics, the more motivated she’ll likely feel to open up with you.

How Do I Balance Being Myself with Trying to Impress Her?

Talk candidly about your own life and values without being conceited. Don’t be afraid to show the occasional weakness or get vulnerable at times. You’re a real person, and you also deserve to feel validated for who you are.