14 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Married

Going to the chapel and you’re…. Gonna get married!

Big day! Big decision. Big promises to make.

Lots of people to feed. A first dance to execute for the cameras.

Expensive suits, expensive dresses.

What is marriage? It’s safe to say it is more than just a wedding.

Once the excitement dies down, you’re left with a lifelong commitment to uphold.

So, it’s important to be sure, right?

These 14 questions might help you make that decision a little quicker.

Marriage: The Big Questions

For some, the big questions about what marriage means to them naturally arise.

That’s okay. It’s a time of real change, where you no longer just have you to consider. 

In all walks of life, marriage is a lifelong promise that starts by falling in love with somebody you feel destined to grow old with. 

Marriage isn’t easy, but it’s portrayed to be in a lot of movies and songs. 

So to think about moving and progressing into a loving union with somebody is a big step, and not one that the majority take remotely lightly. 

The Contract: The Vow

To those who are against it, marriage is seen to be a contract; a legal signing. It’s true in a way.

You sign your marriage licence, with immediate effect.

It’s a commitment to each other, but it shouldn’t be a problem if you genuinely want to do so, and have thought it through. 

What continues after that signing is the promise to adhere to your vows.

For some, they are bespoke, and for others, they are the general vows to exchange during the wedding. 

Either way – they’re a promise before loved ones. 

So asking yourself these questions is so important.

Why It’s Important To Ask The Q’s

 #1 “Do I Want Kids?”

Knowing whether or not you want kids needs to be the same as what your partner knows about their feelings.

You can’t marry somebody who doesn’t want kids if you want them. 

You equally cannot marry somebody who wants to have a house full of little ones, if it is of no interest to you.

People shouldn’t be expected to either change their minds, or compromise on a topic so big. 

#2 “How Do We View Finances?”

While some people love to splash the cash, others prefer to save.

Which one are you?

Did you grow up being taught about finances, and how important it is to keep on top of them?

If you did, you need to make sure you’re not marrying somebody who has a strong past of gambling, overspending, and getting into a lot of debt.

It won’t end pretty, if you do. 

#3 “Where Do We Want To Live?”

Big question that you would benefit from asking before you get married.

Where you live and grow together, potentially working and raising a family is imperative.

Couples tend to want to find somewhere safe and in balance with nature if kids are on the cards, or if you like to be outdoors in your spare time.

If your partner is a keen city dweller with no intention of moving out of the hustle and bustle, then you guys need to have an honest conversation. 

#4 “Is Marriage Essential?”

Not everybody thinks so, and many couples live quite happily without getting married. 

That’s okay. You do what you want. If you’re marrying somebody with that feeling of dread in your stomach because it was never what you wanted, then what are you doing?

Know what you want, and ensure your partner’s wishes and desires align with you. 

#5 “Is There Any Debt?”

Briefly already touched on, debt is a sore subject.

It can derive from the regretful past of a person keen to put it behind them and start afresh, but marrying them means you take on their debt, too.

This has the potential to get very messy, so you need to know if there is any, and how you can jointly tackle at paying it off if you’re willing to do so.

It might also be a good idea to question the likelihood of further debt in the future. 

#6 “Are We Communicating Healthily?”

You won’t have a very fulfilling marriage if you aren’t already great at communicating with each other.

Healthy communication means you’re able and willing to sort problems as they occur, and not let them fester and evolve into something much bigger. 

#7 “Is My Partner Supportive?”

Are they?

All partners should be. If they aren’t now getting married won’t suddenly make them supportive overnight. 

Just something to consider. 

#8 “Have I Already Changed Since We Met?”

We all change as we grow. As we learn more about life, we tend to biome wiser, and understand how emotions work.

This is a negative change. Do you still recognize yourself when you look in the mirror? Has your identity started to be chipped away?

Marrying will only remove more of you from yourself, if that’s the case. 

#9 “How Will We Parent?”

Ooh, a fun one!

Who will be the main caregiver when you decide to expand your family?

Will you be openly chilled out as parents, or does your partner prefer the more strict household?

You’ve got to get the balance right, and have some idea of how parenthood will look for you both. 

#10 “Do I Feel Trapped?”

Do you feel like your relationship is backing you into a corner that you can’t escape from?

Let me tell you, you can always escape. 

But if you feel trapped now, a commitment like marriage is going to make you feel suddenly freed. 

#11 “Are We Growing or Sinking?”

Couples who grow together, stay together.

There’s nothing you need to worry about if the two of you complement each other, and encourage one another to explore your goals, hopes and dreams.

To walk with somebody through their fears is to show that you have no intention of leaving them. 

Is this a fair description of your relationship so far, or are you akin to a sinking ship?

#12 “Is The Trust There?”

Trust is the fundamental ground stone for any relationship.

If you were building a house for life, trust would be the foundation of that house.

Nothing, and I mean nothing will work in your marriage if you do not have trust as a bond that brings you together on the day you change vows.

I know it’s hard if you are about to marry somebody who has previously hurt you and betrayed that trust,

but it is a question you need to consider before you make that commitment deeply.

#13 “Are They Really The One?”

It’s normal to question the person you’re about to marry.

You’ve spent all this time with them and have been free of that next commitment step, and now you’re heading for a huge development.

Marriage is never final (although it’s incredibly difficult to break free from in certain cultures), but it is a big step to take.

Knowing and assuring yourself you’re doing it with the right person is natural. 

#14 “What Does My Gut Tell Me?”

Closely linked and related to the brain, the gut is never one to ignore if you’re getting feelings of doubt, fear or dread the closer you get to the wedding day. 

If you’re feeling your gut energy is off, it’s something you will need to tune into.

Take some time to be consciously aware of what you feel, and from that you can make good choices.